Fairy Tale
hrálo se Denně
od: 25. května 2014 22:20 do: 01. března 2017 07:22
Dobrodružství vedl(a) Kibou
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro There are only two people in the city you allow yourself to rely on at least partially. You can't and won't call them friends as you know you can't trust easily, but at least you can't say you are cmpletely alone and with no help. The warlock that helped you in your beginnings of course demanded payment but in the end the business relationship is safe. You know what you can expect. The ifrit, Flann, that gave you a job in her bookshop is the second one. She wears a glamour of a beautuful woman with wild red hair but even so, there is fire in her eyes that never can be completely hidden. She is strict but that only makes her so much more capable. Her shop is actually some sort of a hub for fae from close vincinity. Despite her not being very warm, she actually is quite caring in her own way. Her shop is also where all the potions for the fae living in this part of London get delivered so they can pick them up, including you. Today is one of the days you go to pick the potion from Flann as usual. The bookstore is already familiar place, one of not many where you can feel calm. It has almost no iron in it, the building is mostly stone and wood and smells of old book mixed with flowers that make the store ito a bit of a jungle. People don't really come here, it's for the downworlders, so it's nothing strange really. As you come in the shop Flann is just sorting out some delivery so she hardly even lifts her eyes as the bell at the door plays a charming melody. "Just give me a minute," she says a bit annoyed and carries on with her job for a while longer before she goes behind the counter to find your potion bottle. "Look, we will be having a bit of a change. There have been some strange movements and I can't really afford to be in the middle of anything...so I can't have the potions delivered here any longer. The warlock said other shops have the same wish so he hired some kid to do deliveries. He said he's harmless and he did jobs for some of us before so it should be fine. Just let me know if you want him to hand the potion to you or just leave it somewhere by your house and not talk to you at all," she says as she hands you the potion. Her news is nothing strange actually. All your exiles have to be extremely careful so this is not much to be concerned about. Not more than usual anyway. |
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 | soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I enter the shop and don't even greet the owner since she knows it's me already. I wonder sometimes a bit paranoid if she's able to see through my glamour but then..she's an ifrit and don't think there's much besides sight that she is able to do. It is like this recently all the time, me being suspicious of everyone and everything but it's almost a habit. "Thank you," I take the bottle of my potion from her and then listen to what she's telling me, tilting my head slightly to the side and considering her words. I don't like changes much but on the other hand it is good to change often things and routes when someone is in hiding like me. "Alright. I suppose you can send him to me. Tell him to leave it at the red hydrant with a spider on it at this street." I take a pen from her desk and write it down on a piece of paper. I don't really feel like leading someone straight to the place where I live. So I rather suggest a place two streets from there where I have once passed by and remember being quite fascinated by that hydrant and chatted for a bit with the spider on it. He was kind enough to share a few things with me and I put a protection on him for his services. I like spiders, they are one of my favorites. "I will pay him then, for you is this now." I get out a little snowdrop from my pocket and give it to her with a slight smile. It's enchanted a bit to stay like this for longer than it would normsl flower and it's also sparkling a bit too. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "Right, I'll pass that on. He said that he will check in with everyone after the first delivery to see if it's all working out so you can ask him about the payment. Well I am sure he will mention it himself," she answers and doesn't stop to look at you till you hand her the flower. She rolls her eyes. "If one of you ever gave me something useful, I'd probably die of joy," she mumbles bitterly but it's something you're already used to from her. And you know she doesn't mea it and that if she got nothing at all she wouldn't care. She's not doing these favours for profit, unlike warlocks. "Now unless you want something else from me, get out of my way, I've got work to do here," she barks, putting the flower carefully in a small vase at the counter. Obviously she likes flowers and she always has a place for another one. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Just tell me if you need any help, you know how to contact me." I nod To her and I'm out of the door again and leaving the bells on the door ringing behind me. I can't wait now to drink my potion now since it's been getting a bit worse lately sometimes but that might be just tiredness from all these changes. I guess I got even used to the Unseelie Court's way of life and now I'm having still a hard timeto adapt. I turn the corner and lean on the wall there, turning my eyes up to the greyish sky. I get out my bottle and drink it all at once, it's not even a big amount so it should keep me better until the next one. Instantly a feel the rush of energy and calmness wash over me, I sigh with relief and think of how annoying it is to be depending om such help to fight te sickness. I shudder slightly and then head back to my place slowly but I'm wondering also when the another delivery would be. I'm certainly curious about this new messanger. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro Since you are new in town and you are not used to the Iron around, your iron sickness needs to be treated more often. You get more frequent deliveries for now till you are used to it more, unless the potion ratios are thin but for now, that seems to be fine. The warlock that takes care of them gets paid well for his services and so he does them well. In a few days you get a message from Flann that the next delivery will be that day and that your potion should be at the place you specified at sunset. She also makes point of you to be home after that so the warlock can check up on your satisfaction (and his payment). Should anything go wrong a new way of delivery would be estabilished, but hopefully this will work out and you won't have to worry about this for a while. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I look at the sky and it's getting dark indeed, it's very early this late into winter so I should be heading out. I am not really fond of the idea of the warlock visiting me but it's true I need his product and I should pay him again. I get up and shrug on my coat, look into the broken blackened mirror on the wall in the bathroom and watch my dark blue skin changing into normal human color and everything setting into my usual glamour. Then I leave my house and go slowly through the snowed in streets in the direction of the agreed place. I hope I can see this messanger myself since I want to know who is bringing me such important stuff. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro You arrive already after sunset and there are a few distant passers-by, but nobody really pays you no mind so this is a good place to pick up your potion. You can see a dark figure going away from your direction and perhaps it's the messenger, but you can't really see him well since obviously, your potion has been droped already. You see it already just at the place you described, in the usual sealed bottle. It's completely fine and the seal is unbroken. It seems the messenger has done his job well. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro When I get there the first thing I do is drink my potion while sitting on the sofa and thinking what it would be like if i got used to it and didn't need this. But I know I won't since I am not made for city life. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "I am glad to see you well. Was the delivery to your satisfaction? If so we can settle on a schedule that is best for you, unless you just want to keep it the way it is. Also we can settle my payment and if there is anything else you need from me, I'll do my best to satisfy your demands," he says. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "The delivery went well and smooth, thank you. But I have just one request. I'd like to meet this messanger next time he brings me his potion. Tell him to wait a bit next time at the same place." I request only and weight my options. It's good for me to stay unknown but on the other hand I want to know what kind of person is giving me medication. "That is all thank you. I will pay you in whichever way you want." I walk a few steps to the table in the kitchen involuntarily where my coat is thrown over so if he wants money I can give them to him, the real ones. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "Just please don't get discouraged by his...humanity. Humans can be very discouraging mainly to more..noble of the downworlders. But he does his job and he's quite harmless so that is what matters. If there was any problem you just let me know," he adds, before you move onto the question of payment and you settle the next few ones so you don't need to meet very often. Of course, Baal is a busy person. "If that is all, I will be going. I hope all goes well and I will see you when the next payment is due," he says and waits for anything you might add, but if there is nothing, he will leave. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Humans are not really a mystery to me. The only thing that discourages me are the unseelie." I add with a bit cold voice but he sure knows it's not directed at him but again I guess he doesn't really care about what I think. He's here for business and so I just pay him. "You know how to contact me for the next delivery. Thank you." I say my goodbye to him and when he leaves I just think for s moment about his words while looking into the night from my window. But then I just leave it be and watch how my glamou spills away from my face and body like rippling water. Then I undress to my pants and get our my sword so I can train again and think about everything. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro You spend the next few days in a way that is becoming familiar, training, keepig safe, trying to survive. Finally, the time of the next delivery comes. As usual you can already feel the need for the cure of the iron sickness. You can hardly imagine what it must be like for the fairies that can't get the potions. If you went further than here maybe you'd be one of them. London is maybe dangerously close to where you ran from, but the city itself is the lesser evil. The sun is now nearing the horizon and that means it's time for you to go to the place of delivery. This time not just for your potion, but to meet your messenger too. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I visit some gardening and flower shops but I ask only for seeds or flower or two. I can't possibly carry everything with me. When I get back home, I take only a bit of earth I bought. It's just a small sack but that's enough for everything since magic is what will help me. I throw handfulls of here and there, at corners and around walls. I can't live with illusions, I need it to be real. So after that I plant carefully every seed and every bit of a flower, murmuring to them and creating in between my fingers magical help for them. After a while every corner of my loft has growing little green patches, even on the brick walls and on the windowsills. I smile widely at my work and let it be, let it work its own magic and as I glance outside the window it's already nearing sundown and i should be going, I need all my strenght and this little gardening of mine exhausted me quite a bit and I feel the iron seeping through my lungs with much greater ferocity. So I shrug on my coat and head to the meeting place where this time I will also find out who is bringing me my medication. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro You can see him sooner than he can notice you so you can asses him from afar. He's young, not more than twenty for sure. He's wearing dirty grey cargo pants and a black hoodie that has also seen much better days. It's terribly insuficient amount of clothing for this weather, yet he's just standing there, barely moving. You know the habbits already, that people have when they are cold, constantly moving, jumping, trying to warm up, but not this boy. He must be cold though. Not only is he wearing so little clothes but he seems to be very skinny. The clothing is prett baggy but still, you can tell. He's wearing the hood up so you need to come a bit closer to see his face. You can tell he'd probably be beautiful in normal circumstances, his face has sharp angles, straight nose and catlike eyes...but he's in a bad shape. There are dark circles under his eyes, he's pale like a ghost, his cheeks sunken. His left eye is decorated by a few days old bruise that has become violet and yellow. His eyes that are beautiful clear pale gray are somehow empty, their look numb. His hair seems to be dark gray and it's messy and tangled and dirty. It reaches bellow his shoulders, what you can see under the hood at least and some of it is falling into his face. All in all...the warlock's warnning makes quite a bit more sense now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I asses him once more before approaching him. He looks really miserably and I just wonder..why. But on the other hand I'm not in a much different position than him. Although his hair and eyes are so strange for a human.. I wonder what's the cause of it. "Was it hard finding the place the first time? I was impressed by your punctuality and precision." I am honestly even more since I wouldn't expect something like this from someone like him. I sure have questions for him and I hope he won't get discouraged by me. I approach him slowly with hands in the pockets of my black coat and still trying to read him like a book or probably a sick plant who needs my help. I probably have a soft spot for broken things. |
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 | soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I wonder why this particular client wanted to see me even though he doesn't want me to bring the potions to his house. My money's on trust issues. Seeing me will probably not strenghten the trust. I just hope Baal won't get rid of me because of him. I don't even realize he's here, before he speaks. I lift my head slowly. Strands of hair are still in my eyes but I don't make the effort of pulling them off my face. He is beautiful like all of them. They all always make you feel like such a stain on the face of the earth. But I feel that way all the time. He just makes it more apparent. So clean, so proud...makes me sick. Not sure if of him or myself. He is wearing an illusion but those don't matter to me. I don't let him know in any way that it's the case though. It just causes trouble. I look at him for a while, but his dark skin and hair, his tattoos..his whole looks are hardly the strangest thing I have ever seen. My eyes remain absent, my look numb. Strangely enough he doesn't look at me like I disgust him. Maybe he is just good at concealing it. Although in my experience, his kind never really conceals these feeling, they enjoy it. His question almost sounds like concern. And praise...for a lowly dog doing a good job. How nice of him. "I know the streets," I shrug. I open a messenger bag that I have over my shoulder and take out the bottle meant for him and I offer it to him. The bag is the only thing that seems in a bit better state. Baal made sure I carry the goods in something that can't get my human all over it. My hands though, are full of scars and scratches, with thin and long fingers ad nails. But so what. I am just a human. He can wipe the bottle with desinfection or whatever, if it's too much for him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I didn't mean it like that. I realized after setting the place that no one would recognize it too much since it holds significance only to me. But you did, I am very glad for that." I am not treating him with any disgust or dismissal, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have my cure. He takes out the bottle then and I take it from his slender hand. "Thank you." I see the seal isn't broken again and I smile a little. "I wanted to see you since I am wondering about something and because I wanted to pay you my own way, I always do that. But it's up to you if you want it or if you'd find it useless. How much more deliveries do you have?" I feel the need to explain my reason and cause to him even when he might not be interested. But I know humans would find it creepy maybe and I don't want to loose these deliveries. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I thought the description was pretty clear," I shrug again, my eyes almost looking through him. That is till he mentions some sort of pament and my eyes finely focus a bit on his face. "Payment? I never say no to those. Baal made sure yours is the last delivery cause you wanted to talk to me so..." I explain. It's not that I am very trusting, expecting him to pay me and the warlock both just from the goodness of his heart. But I am in no situation to refuse any offer. He probably wants something from me and that's fine. I'll do whatever. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "You have the Sight, maybe it easier for you to find things that are out of ordinary." I don't comment though on the fact that he can see me. If he found me hideous he would have run by now. "Do you want money? I don't usually pay with those but if you want them, I can do that. With real ones since glamoured ones would be useless to you." This time my smile holds an understanding and I am sure he finds amusement in it too. I don't know though if my smile is pleasant or not, it is not very often I smile... but it has become more often this month, ever since I escaped. "I hope you have a bit of time for me then, let's find some place warmer than this." I hide the bottle in my coat and indicate with my head a direction up the street. I don't know many places around here and I don't visit them but mundane shops and restaurants should be alright. And besides I can buy anything there with glamoured money. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Yeah, money would be great," I agree. The times when I'd be too proud to say something like that are gone and forgotten. He's offering me money and that is always the best thing that can happen to me. I doubt there is much he could ask me that I wouldn't do for it. His kind doesn't give a shit about money too so he might pay well. True enough he can just glamour leaves into piles of cash. So typical of them. So easy for them. I don't really hate them but at moments like this...I kind of do. It's pretty unfair. But that's how the world is. "Sure, got nowhere to be," I asure him, showing my hands in my pockets again and then I follow him. Maybe he thinks I am dumb to go with him this easily but...gotta do what I gotta do. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I am not rich since I don't need human money but I do have some. I hope it is enough." I say a bit regretfully and then we are heading slowly down the street through the thick snow on the pavement, crunching under our shoes. People around us are not really paying attention to us which is good. I soon stop in front of one of those shops where they sell cakes and tea, coffee and hot chocolate. There are things that no fae can deny and one of those are sweets. "Let's get some cake, I haven't had anything in ages. My treat." I smirk with a little bit of a malice in my face and enter the shop. I guess people won't be too fond of two strangers like us staying in their shop but I soon set the persuasive aura around me and greet the lady behind the counter. I am maybe a bit childish about this but it's not something I can help. I order sweet tea and honey cakes then I turn to my company here to ask him if he wants something. I really hope he does, sugar will make him feel better... or I hope so. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "It's plenty, thanks," I say, stuffing the money in the only pocket of my pants that has no holes. I doubt he can even imagine how much extra ten quids means for me. After a while we come to a cofee shop, one of those I haven't been in for years and he says he will treat me. I enter with him and the smells are overwhelming. I don't really know when I ate last and I feel a bit sick just from the smells. My eyes stay glued to the food, although they are still as clouded as before. "Just...whatever, really," I say when he asks me what I want. I couldn't possibly choose. It doesn't matter. Food is food. I can feel the employees looking in disgust and a bit of fear at me but I couldn't care less. I find it funny, it's him they should really fear but instead it's me, just a skinny kid. That's just how humans are. So easily deceived. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I didn't ask your name but if you don't want you don't need to tell me although I'd like to know. That is probably my first question." I start when there is a full table in front of us and we sit down in the more far corner of the shop. "It might sound like an interrogation a bit so i hope you won't mind. You don'tneed to answer when you don't want to but trust me that I have my reasons for being so thorough. Even when Baal trusts you..but that is also one of the things i m wondering. You see..my situation here is quite delicate and I must be careful." I explain to him again and lick one of my long fingers involuntarily because that cake was just really sweet. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro We sit down to the table, all the employees suddenly all sweet and smiley, that is quite rare for me, anytime I enter a shop they follow me with their eyes waiting for me to steal something. But Right now the only thing I care about is food. I know already that if you eat a lot and fast after not eating for long you'll be sick, but I can't help myself. I start wolfing down whatever is in front of me, no ellegance, no maners. It's fuckig food and I am gona eat as much as I can. "They call me Gray," I answer to the fairy after a while when my mouth is empty eough to speak. I don't even lift my head. I know how much they care about names, it's a big deal for them, so I am not asking his. It's not like it matters. And it's not like I couldn't give him my real name, it means nothing, but I just never use it when working. "Right," I make time to say just that one word when he explains why he wants to know about me. It's really not that Baal trusts me. Baal knows I am a fuck up who doesn't give a shit about their wars and will not take sides because I have my own bigger problems. He knows I am a fuck up and he could destroy me with a flick of his fingers. He knows I am nobody. Great for the job. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Gray, it suits you." I chuckle while eating down another cake in one go. Hmm, maybe feeding him can become regular and he can actually gain some weight. I seriously need to also stop trying to play with broken things. This is not a game and certainly not the right time for it. "You can call me Siv, if you wish. I guess we won't be seeing each other for the last time. But first, tell me why are you doing this job and where Baal found you? How do you know him and does he pay you well? Why did you agree on doing it? Do you have any personal interest in the matter?" I realize I asked quite a lot of questions and I hope it wasn't too much at once. But with how much he doesn't talk I would be lucky if he answered at least one of them. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He says his name...or one of them anyway and that we are not seeing each other for the last time. Iteresting. But if he intends to pay me more I am not gonna complain, that's for sure. After that he showers me with questions and I am not even sure I caught all of them. But I know why he's asking so I can tell him the important stuff. I force myself to stop eating for a while and I wipe off my mouth with my sleeve. "I done jobs for downworlders before so I guess Baal found out about me from some of them. I have totally no personal interest in this. I do it for the money. Baal has me cause I am harmless, as he says. He pays enough I guess. Don't worry I don't plan to meddle in your business. I am here just for the money. I don't want any trouble," I asure him. I am just a messenger. I don't even know anything about him that I could tell anyone, but I can understand. A lot of his kind are pretty paranoid. I know how scary fairies can be so they probably have a good reason. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Very well then." I reply to his words pleased and look right into his gray eyes. There is a certain beauty under all of this damaged shell, I feel like peeling it off of him and revealing a shimmering silver flower. But this is just my wish to mend him even if I don't know him.. I should focus on the matter now. "Would you be interested in doing something for me too? It's not much, not really an extra work but I would appreciate it very much. And also pay you and buy you food every time you bring me my potion." I just made up my mind and saw an opportunity in front of me. I need any help I can get and he seems reliable enough. "I need information, rumors, anything you hear. There are things happening around us and I need to know if anything is on the move. I need to be informed. I am not asking you to snoop around, just having your eyes and ears open." I shrug and drink from my sweet tea. Then I reach into my coat for the little bottle and just play with it in my long slender fingers. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "If you'll pay," I say in between bites. By now I've eaten almost everything in front of me. I say nothing of my concerns. If I start feeling like it's getting dangerous I'll just quit. I need any job I can get. "But not sure how much useful information I can get. I'll tell you anything I hear though," I asure him. Apart from Baal and his cliets I mostly stay away from the downworld. But I may still see or hear something. And I don't think he needs to be worried about paying me even if I don't bring him anything ground shattering. I am probably just a precaution. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I am wondering about one more thing. Were you born like this? This color of hair and eyes is for humans of young age so unusual... " I sound maybe a bit dazed but it's only because of the cure singing through my veins and making me feel so much better. But the fair folk likes strange things and he is one of them and it brings interest in me. And also so many questions. He is not boring like the most of the humans I saw. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I watch Siv as he downs the potion. It's some kind of cure for their Iron sickness. Pretty damn stupid to be this powerfull and unable to stand a touch of a frigging piece of metal. When he's done he looks a bit more lively. I keep lookig at him for a while, my eyes clouded, before he asks me another question. He seems mighty interested in me. "Yeah it's some...kind of achromia," I shrug again. It's no big deal to me. If I was a full albino that would probably be pretty annoying, I would stand out everywhere like a sore thumb. But gray is good. Gray is average, gray can fade in the background. And that's good for me. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I should go. We will see each other soon again, I believe. Goodbye for now, Gray." I look at him for a moment more before I nod my goodbye to him and leave the shop first. I have some things in mind and I need to think them through, ring some of my contacts or spread more ears around. This help from Gray gave me new inspiration for plotting and planing. And I want to have a hand in this, I will bring down the Queen. I head back to my place and there are still in my mind those grey clouded eyes. It makes me wonder what is it that clouds and hides this unusual beauty.. it's a challenge to find out. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro After a while he says he needs to go and I just nod again. I let him go ahead without a word, I am sure he will feel better if I don't see which way he's leaving. I go a few minutes after him, I don't want to stay too long for the enchantment to fall from the servers. As I exit the café, the familiar cold bites into me again, but I remember the money in my pocket and I go faster. Today was pretty good day after all. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I even spend a day and half in the bookshop again, helping and gathering some whispers and rumors but nothing special. Only that the Institute has been attacked and Shadowhunters are on the move. It brings a suspicion to me that if there is something evil, the Queen will be involved in it but I can't make asumptions too much. When the day of my next deliver comes I have some money again and hope Grey has also some news for me. The sun is setting and I shrug on my coat, feeling the scent of flowers and trees lingering on me, giving me so much calmer feeling. I head out of my place and go straight to the meeting point with Grey, my glamour feeling stronger somehow and my lungs much less polluted. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I am wearing the same set of clothes like last time, just with a few more stains on them. But as long as I have at least something on in this hellish weather I don't care about anything else. It's been a long time since I gave a fuck about how I look. WHich right now is as bad as ever. Siv is coming on time, as usual. I bet that if I was late he'd be real annoyed. But I am careful about that since I need this job. I hope he'll give me money again too. I do need it. "Got your potion," I say by the way of greeting and take the bottle with seal untouched from the bag, handing it to him. I am not really sure how these meetings are gonna go now. Maybe he just asks me what I've heard, I'll tell him and that will be it. I am fine with anything either way. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Hello to you too, Gray." I smirk a little and take the bottle from him and putting it in my pocket. I eye him for a few seconds and then indicate for him to follow me. I hope he knows by now that I am not planing to do anything dirty to him, I'm not that kind of sicko. He needs food and I consider it a nice way of payment too. We reach a restaurant, not even any idea what it is since I don't understand much of the human culture and food and lead him inside. "I promised you food and I hope you have something for me too." As we are entering I just wave a hand against him and put a light glamour on him so I won't have to use any more magic on people. The staff greets us and we sit down at a table. I order deserts for me and tea again, for Gray the best food they have and more if it if they can. Then I turn to Gray again, folding my hands on the table and looking at him for a moment. Then I reach to my other pocket and get out another ten pounds and give it to him wordlessly. I hope this payment is sufficent enough for him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He reminds me that he promised to feed me. Guess I am like a sick puppy to him. But I couldn't care less what he thinks if I get free food from him. I follow him and we go into a restaurant this time. I probably wouldn't dare to even sneak to a bathroom at a place like this but he puts a glamour on me to calm the people workig there. It makes my stomach turn a bit everytime I am reminded of how sad is my existence that the reality of it has to be clouded for people not to be disgusted. Maybe that's what he enjoys about me. Maybe that's his game. Well he can enjoy it as long as he pays. We sit down and he orders food for me, that kind of food I didn't have in years. Even now the smells are making me dizzy... Siv then hands me money and I like that he gives it to me before I even told him anything. I hide it in my safe pocket and then tell him the little I can. "You told me not to snoop so there is not much. I hear and notice a thing here and there but ot sure how useful it will be to you. But I've heard that all the creatures of the night court seemed to have been called in and they haven't showed up anywhere in a while. It seems they are up to something... I don't really meddle in your business so I can just say what I've heard," I shrug. I don't understand what's happeing between fae and their endless fights and I don't want to. Maybe this is not useful to him but it's the only interesting thing I've heard in these days, whether he likes it or not. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "That is actually most interesting. I suspected something is happening because other sources had told me some of the unseelie disappeared. I didn't know what to make out of it but now I guess I have an idea." I frown and drum with my fingers over the cloth on the table. This I need to investigate further but must be careful because being caught too soon might not be much convinient for me. I wonder if she forgot about me in between all this mess, I was hardly her most important knight. I doubt she would let a few nixies being cut into pieces and vowen into her gown like she did after Tràth was killed. I realize with a start that I've been too deep into my thoughts and zooned out while being at dinner with Gray. I look at him and get back to the present time by watching him eat after they brought the food. I have little interest for his food and start slowly eating my own cake which I ordered, they are all honey and syrup which I like off my fingers more than eating the actual cakes. "I don't want you to think of me as if I'm trying to play hero here on you. I am just offering a good payment for your services. But I am not heartless and I can also offer you help if you need some. You after all help me too." I start carefully with this theme because I don't want to hurt his pride or anything. I might not be the best person to offer this to him but again I perhaps really do have a soft spot for broken things and flowers like him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I just nod at his words but I don't really think too much into it. I would be an idiot to get involved with business of faerie courts. Meeting one knight in my life was plenty. No need to meet another. And never their Queens. What I've heard was enough, thank you. He sinks in thought and they bring the food, so I couldn't care less. I just get to eating as if I was afraid someone will take the plate from me if I don't devour everything fast enough. I only wake up when he speaks again and I stare at him for a moment, my bony fingers greasy from meat. "I don't think anything. I'd be pretty stupid to have anything against this," I say. Honestly, if he likes playing hero or just likes the feeling of being so much more than me, I couldn't give a damn. I will not refuse anything he gives me. Obviously he doesn't know what it means to have pretty much nothing. There is no pride. I have no pride. Fuck pride. Pride won't fill your stomach. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro But I got a chance and took it, maybe he also needs an opportunity to take. But what do I have to offer to a boy who I don't even know? I let him continue eating and even offer him the rest of my cakes while I get out the bottle and roll it in my fingers in thought. I feel better thanks to my place being now full of life but I still do need my strength. I break the seal and unscrew the cap but I don't drink it in one go like before, I just take a sip and let it slowly spread in my mouth and then down to my system then I cork the bottle again and hide it in my coat. "If you got a chance to have a better life, better than doing jobs and live like this.. would you take it? Would you take upon the opportunity to get away?" I ask him then thoughtfully and I am carefully playing with the fork in my hand and relishing on the fact that it's silver and it doesn't burn my fingers to touch it. Yes, this is an expensive restaurant indeed. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Cause I totally enjoy living like this right..." I mumble, but I still take his cakes when he offers. I don't mind even leftovers. It's food. I let the iritation dissolve before I answer properly. "I don't think it really needs answering does it. I don't live like this because I want to," I say a bit annoyed perhaps. But whatever he thinks about me...I don't care. I don't like to be treated like trash but I am used to it anyway. He pays me. So I will stand it. Like kids like me get the chance to leave this kind of life so easily. It's really complicated anyway. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "As I said before, I can offer you help and a chance. I know what it's like to live without a choice and I also know what it feels like to get free and escape a nightmare." I say and put down the fork on the table calmly. "I know we barely know each other and we both have our own interests but maybe I can help you escape too." I tell him with all my seriousness and retrieve a small clear corked bottle from inside my coat with a little black moth in it and put it on the table between us. "I am not going to push you into anything and I even want you to think about it. You know who I am, what I am. But you also know I can't lie and when I say I mean you no harm then it's true." I push the little bottle with my slender fingers on the tablecloth to him and the moth flies a little, his wings giving away a little glow which means he's obviously magical but still real. "If you want my help, send the moth with a message and I will find you." I retrieve my hand and rise my eyes to his, looking into that clouded grey water settled in them and wondering if it ever will go away... if he will find his soul again.. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "What kind of help are you offering exactly?" I ask first. He only says help but that may mean a lot of things. I myself am not sure exactly what would help me. I mean sure, food and money, but it's not just that there are things that can't solve... "Also what exactly would I have to do...not that there is much I wouldn't..." I shrug. I am also used to bullying from fairies. Not that I enjoy it but...if it means a better life in other ways, I can take it, like a lot of things. Nothing is free, I know that the best. I doubt he'd offer anything just from the goodness of his heart. He takes out the bottle with the moth, just the kind of dramatic gestures you can expect from his kind. "Don't we meet every few days anyway?" I ask without much interest. They like their gestures. But I can't see myself pinning a message to a fucking moth. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I can offer you a place to stay, free food and endless supply of glamoured money. Find you a job if you want since I have a few connections." I answer his question since he seems wary now and probably very carefully choosing his words. I like that even more that he's not carelessly jumping into it headfirst. "You in exchange need to keep in secrecy my whereabouts, my existence at all and not bring anyone along. And also still help me with my interest like you did now, finding information and just listening or maybe doing a job or two for me. And of course bringing me my potions too." My conditions are probably a bit strange and I hope he understands the importance of this staying absolute secret and that if he comes, he leaves behind everything. But I hope he's not overly attached to the life he has now... "We do but this is something I want you to do willingly because it's your choice. You might not want it or maybe consider me a liar even if I can't really be. But you can have your reasons to leave the things the way they are now." I shrug and the moth changes its glow to dark purple in the bottle. "Anyway, just whisper to him your message, whatever it is and it will be brought to me." I give him the instructions on how to contact me and I get up from the table, putting on the table a few leaves glamoured to look like a lot of money and wait for him to follow me outside. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro His conditions though are kind of vague and although he can't lie, his words, like "job or two" that he wants me to do in return, may mean anything. But I guess that's the risk you pay for any good thing. Even if this lasts only a while, even if I found out I can't stomach whatever he wants with me. But I can take a lot. So maybe... He is done and I ate all the food anyway so I stand up when he does and shove the moth in my pocket, where the bank note from him is too. I follow him outside and only then I speak again. "You ok with cats?" I ask. Yeah perhaps I should be asking other things. But obviously he's ok with having a dirty hobo living in his house. We both got some issues. Maybe he plans on killing me and devouring my flesh. But I survived this long. Plus he doesn't look like someone who'd do that. Even I can be wrong though. I have to think about it mostly cause getting involved in fairy business is always dangerous. But the offer just sounds too good. All the money...glamoured or not...it could get so much... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I think the better question would be if your cat will be ok with me." I grin at him and put my hands into the pockets of my coat. "I don't mind them, even when they often have smart comments for everything and have a liking for destruction." I shrug and glance around the darkened snowy street. Cats can do mess and they can also damage my plants but it's not like I'm powerless to stop that too. I just hope his cat can keep a secret too. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Plural," I just say when he only say "cat". Well I can't possibly take all the strays with me as much as I'd like. But would be nice to give warm shelter to my favourites. Those of them that don't like the life on the street. "Maybe why I like them," I answer to his comment. Pretty much sounds like me. Although I am much more prone to self destruction than destruction. Maybe to him I am like all those stray cats are to me...although it would be a first time I'd meet a fairy that would take someone in without any malicious intentions. But we'll see. "Well then...you want anything else? Otherwise I'll see you next delivery. Or...you know," I shrug, taking the bottle with the moth out of my pocket, looking at it. It looks pretty but I must wonder if it doesn'r suffer, despite the magic. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "And maybe we both have more in common than I thought." I reply maybe a little strangely to his words and smile to myself. He's then saying goodbye to me and takes out the bottle looking at it with maybe a bit of concern. I didn't realize it must look cruel to him.. "Agog gets payed too for his services too don't worry, we have an agreement. And I trust you will free him in case you decide not to use him or return him to me next time we see each other." I assure him of the moth's safety and take a few steps backwards from him as if being on leave already, the snow barely crunching under my light steps. "You have quite a time to think about it, I'll save up this potion so you can tell Baal I don't need another that soon." I tell him before I nod my goodbye to him again and turn around and leave slowly down the street. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I shouldn't be making any demands since he's offering me a place to stay and all but he actually seems to be ok with me bringing some more street cats...maybe he likes strays too after all. He even notices my concern about the moth. His words are actualy first that awaken any feeling of sympathy towards him. He cannot lie so if he says he's treating it well then he is. Very little creatures would have any concern over an insect. But I've always found animals more deserving of care than any other creature. "Good. Alright I will then. See you," I nod at him. It's not very convenient that he wants to push back his delivery, I was hoping to talk to him about my decision then. I don't feel so comfortable whispering anything to the moth. But maybe more time will be good in a way. We'll see. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro After walking around for quite some time and just passing by some shops and places I know are sometimes frequented by downworlders and making sure I'm not being followed I start heading back to my place for real now. I watch the snow around me and it starts falling again covering me also in its whiteness. When I get back it's already past midnight and I feel the cold seeping even to my skin. It doesn't affect me that much but it's not pleasant either so I just return to my place where flowers and trees already growing upon my ceiling too greet me and I have to smile honestly at the sight. It brings so much comfort to my soul and I just lay down in the middle of them on the old tattered couch and close my eyes as I drift into sleep. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro The next few days go on the way they usually do. You spend some time with Flann in the bookshop, you even talk about the Unseelie court being called together and not present for a while. Since Gray told you the news more downwolders found out and it is unsettling for everyone who has anything to do with fae. There is no Unseelie fairy now to ask what's gonna happen though. But you know your quest might be a very lenghty one and you can wait. Your moth returns to you few days after your meeting with Gray and the only message he carries is, that the next delivery will be in three days. Perhaps he wants to tell you how he decided face to face. You have time to prepare, if you want for him possibly coming to live to you, although you can't be sure how he decided. When the day of the delivery comes you already feel the need of the potion. The sun is just nearing the horizon and it's about time you went to your meeting place. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro The following days after that are spent as usually, helping my place grow and even letting in some butterflies and little bugs but very carefully since I know how some of them can be disguised fairies and it wouldn't be good at all for me to have them with me here. I have quite a lot of moths though since they are one of my favorite creatures. They have names and I feed them honey and nightshade often. They are very lovely and grateful and also useful and reliable. Agog comes back after few days and with a little anticipation I expect some news from him but he only tells me that the delivery is after three days. Nothing more and he just goes feeding too and not even telling me anything more. I guess he was a little annoyed being away like this. After spending some time with Flann too and already being sure this issue of Unseelie disappearing is a serious matter the day of the delivery comes too. I have some money with me just in case and I'm maybe a little bit nervous meeting Gray since his response was this vague and probably negative. I guess he's too wary of our kind at which I wouldn't be surprised at all and it's actually smart to be. I slowly reach our meeting place and already look for Gray if he's waiting for me. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro You come closer, Gray is waiting, but your potion bottle is on the ground, shattered, it's content seeping into the snow together with blood, caught on the shards. It seems the boy tried to scoop up what he could from the crushed bottle and instead cut himself badly. He is standing above the small tragedy scene, shaking. It's probably not from the cold tough, because you can see sweat traveling down his temples. His eyes are still clouded but they have a feverish sheen. He looks even more miserable than before. No wonder he dropped the potion, even his hads are shaking violently, although he's trying to stop it by hugging himself, the blood from his hand seeping into his dirty hoodie. It seems he didn't even notice you coming yet. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Gray.. Gray! What happened? What's wrong?" I catch him strongly at the shoulders and look into his face, I want to touch it but I quickly retrieve my hand since he has all those steel things in his face and the only thing I can touch is his chin so I rise it to look at me. "How can I help?! Do you need a hospital?" I ask him and clear concern is written all over my face. He always seemed so calm and just collected when I saw him but I guess I don't know the first thing about him after all... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "No...no hospital....I am fine," I try to sound convincing but fail. But no hospital, I don't need it. I'd rather die, bleed out. I know where they'd put me. There are worse places still than where I am now. "I am sorry I dropped your potion. Please don't tell Baal...he'd fire me. I need the job..." I plead with him, my eyes just half present. Fuck. What was I thinking...but I had to go, had to work, no matter what state I am in. I almost made it...almost... Now he has to see me like this. I doubt he'd still want to take me in after seeing me like this... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Forget about my potion now, I won't tell anything. Why didn't you just contact me sooner? Oh you silly child." I mutter angrily under my breath but only because I know that if he didn't stall it could have been much different. He's walking too slowly and weakly though and like this we would attract too much attention and be too slow. So I just stop and swing him right into my arms, he's so thin that he doesn't weight anything at all. I'm much faster now and not leaving anything behind us until we are back in front of my house. Without letting go of him I enter it since the doors know only me and wouldn't let anyone else in. He's still shaking violently and I can feel his body burning up but him being cold. This is not good at all. As soon as I enter the loft I carry him right to the bathroom corner where my bathtub is put him down on his legs but still holding him to me with one hand so he doesn't fall down. He's so dirty and the smell of blood is all over him. I get the water running and instantly call out to my moths and all other little helpers of me to bring me herbs and leaves and anything I need as I start undressing him as carefully as I can. "Don't panic, I need to soak you whole in a cure to put your fever down and treat your hand." I'm trying to talk to him and assure him of his safety but I doubt he even hears me by now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro But he doesn't seem discouraged even now, he just takes action right away, leading me somewhere and after a while he even takes me to his arms. I am in bad enough state to be unable to resist. I don't even when he brings me to what is probably his house and starts undressing me. My naked body is a nasty sight. I am so skinny my ribs can be counted, my hipbones protruding, not to mention I am dirty and bruised. The most bruices are around my veins on my arms, almost black, deep wounds. The only nice thing about me is the tattoo of a running wolf over my back and tribal celtic symbols around my arms. I stare on my cut hand that continues to bleed. I am wondering why is Siv taking care of me in this situation. There is nothing he can gain. No fun in it. It would disgust any fairy, most humans too. Could it really be that a fairy exists that is not malicious? I can't tell. Everything is so confused in my head.... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Don't be afraid.. just don't be afraid. I won't hurt you." I'm whispering to him and then even against my believes I cast an influence on him to calm down and cloud his mind, he needs to stop panicking and believe everything will be alright even when I can't tell him that because I don't know it and I am not able to lie. His naked body is not a nice sight at all. Although I have seen much worse body shapes through my life in the Unseelie court but humans have a particular beauty about them and this one is just simply damaged. He's starved and when I see the blackened veins on his arms I instantly know that this is what is wrong with him. A pity and sorrow twists my expression while I'm lowering him gently into the bath that is now filled with herbs my helpers put in it. It gives off a strange heady smell, like a huge tea or herbal potion. But I am not done here, I lower my both hands into the water and fill it with healing magic. Just like when I'm helping the sick plants to grow again, the dying trees to bloom or injured animals to hold on a bit more. I am a warrior but I was always a helper before I came into the Court. I couldn't ever stand to watch something die, I had to at least try save it. I open my eyes and then just move to sit behind him and hold him in the bath so he doesn't drown. He can sleep if he wants and it would be actually very good if he did. I take his injured hand out of the water, it's clean and the gash in his palm open. I whisper to my moths to bring me bandages and leaves quickly, then even my spiders help and in a while his hand is bandaged in a thick spiderweb and leaves. "Sleep Gray, sleep. Just sleep and dream of calm and peace." I whisper into his gray soiled hair and listen to his heartbeats, waiting and not moving. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro His calming spell does little for me, my mind is not so easily deceived, I always see the truth..but he can't know that. But the bath and his voice are helping a little. My feverish mind is following the insect that is taking care of me too, it's so strange and I keep repeationg in my mind: careful careful don't hurt them. In a while it's the only thing sounding in my head till the words no longer make sense. Then I hear Siv, telling me to sleep. He's holding onto me. Isn't he worried about getting his hands dirty? I will surely get him dirty... My thoughts really make little sense by now and I close my eyes to the magical world that is his house. I will not sleep for a while I know it. But I am not really conscious anymore either. I am swallowed by pain and craving and feverish visions. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro It seems he is more damaged then I thought so I draw more energy from my garden around me, close my eyes and feel their strong roots and fresh leaves even in winter, and my hands around his torso tighten just a fraction. If he has what I think than he needs much stronger magic and I am starting to give him just that. I didn't have my potion but saved my strength during the past days so I hope it's going to be enough for him to at least overcome this right now and recover until morning. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro After a while my shaking calms to a shiver. I relax a bit. I need to rest. I can't reall think or talk right now. I just need to rest. For this moment my consciousness gives in completely, whether it's a sleep or just my body really unable to go on and turning off for a while. But I am warm and I can allow myself to rest now. I am not really afraid... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro He is resting now and I am too because despite everything this exhausted me too. It's not often at all for me to be giving so much strength and power to anyone. I never attempted to heal a human, not damaged like this at all. He needs human doctors but again.. maybe even they wouldn't be able to help him the way I can. Doctors don't have magic like I do. I open my eyes and look down at him sleeping calmly in the water full of flowers, the steam rising in strange colorful puffs from the bath and his gray hair splayed all around him in the water. I smooth it down against his temple while listening to his heart and checking his body heat. He needs to stay in there for as long as he can. I reach behind me while still holding him with one arm and take bathing salts and other cleansing supplies I have here so I can also properly bath him while he sleeps and heals. This won't cure him but it will make him feel better, at least that. I start washing his hair slowly and carefully, taking care of every strand and feeling a bit of a wonder at how beautiful simple human hair can actually be. And I intend on spending quite some time washing him thoroughly and even when I'm done I am going to stay with him and make sure he doesn't drown and count his breaths. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro He sleeps the whole time you're taking care of him, you can tell how much exhaustion is in his body. After all the dark circles under his eyes spoke about his constant exhaustion every day. How much sleep can you get after all when you're never safe, always cold and hungry... He's probably gonna sleep a long time now but he needs it very badly. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro After what feels like eternity I am done washing his whole body and his face looks even a bit better when clean. My glamour slipped long time ago by now and it's also so strange to see the contrast of my own blue skin against his light fair one. But he is exhausted and visibly in need of a good sleep. The bath did what it could and the magic worked its way as long as it could too. I lift him from the water slowly and carefully and put him on the couch where I just dry his body with a towel and then cover it with a blanket. It's warm in here in my place, there are some things Baal took care of and I requested them to be working. Like human electricity, running water and heating. Without those I'd hardly survive the winter in the city and my plants here too, I can support them magically only for so long. He's still sleeping when I take care of the now dirty bath and hopefully he's warm. The moths and spiders are now around me again, babbling and trying to talk to me at once and I need to shush them once in a while so they scatter away again. I need to make some good healing tea and potions for him, I don't know much of them but my mother used to make them for the wounded or sick. I'm not good like Baal is, I wouldn't be paying him for his services if I did but I can make strengthening one or two ones. He can't eat now I guess even when his body is very much in a need of that. So I'm preparing them while watching him sleep and looking at the dawn slowly coming up at the sky. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I get up, the blanket wrapped around me, to go find Siv. I need to talk to him. As I look around I think about this possibly being my home, for a while at least. It's warm and full of plants and creatures. I like that. It may be simple but it's like a palace to me right now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Good morning, Grey. How are you feeling?" I ask him calmly and hold my breath maybe just for a little bit because I am not wearing any glamour at all and he can see me for what I am fully. Maybe even more but I can't know what he'd see.. not even fairies know what those with the True Sight see. I am not moving though any further and only waiting for him to explore and come closer to me if he wishes. I am wearing a black shirt with rolled up sleeves and pants, barefoot and my hair a bit tangled long to my waist. He can see the ornaments on my forearms and on my neck disappearing down to the collar of my shirt and also at each side of my cheekbones. The morning light is seeping through the windows and making quite a lovely sight of the flowers blooming under one of it and emanating a fresh sweet scent. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Yeah, I am good," I say, for a moment studying my bare feet peeking from under the blanket. My hair smels like herbs and it's just so...strange. "Thanks you know...for..." I just make a wide gesture as to say me, or everything. The blanket slips a bit and I catch it. I am not really ashamed of my nakedness but I am kinda ashamed of the state my body is in...mainly my arms... "If there is like...anything you want for it then just say so," I add. Not that I have a lot to offer but I still kind of can't see anyone doing things for anyone else for just...a good feeling. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Are you sure? You were very unwell yesterday.." I'm carefully searching his face and posture to see if he really is fine or at least can walk. It seems the fever disappeared and the shaking too, now he needs to drink some of the things I made and then maybe even eat something. "Come into the kitchen and sit down." I incline with my head and turn around walking there myself, ignoring on purpose his proposition for repayment. I don't need anything he can offer me right now, I am not like that at all and it even disgusts me to think of a payment like this. I told him the conditions of my offered help and I hope he will consider it now much more. I put on the table a hot tea in an old chipped mug and then another mug with something much more dense and sweeter smelling than tea. "Drink those, slowly. You will feel much better." I offer them to him and sit down at the table myself, entwining my fingers on the table and watching him intently, my hair falling off my shoulders and a bit into my face. I have questions I need answered this time properly and I hope he will give them to me. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I sit down and he gives me two mugs. One seems like tea the other one is probably some fairy shit. Normally I wouldn't drink it but really, if he wanted to hurt me he had plenty of chaces so I take the first mug and start drinking slowly as he told me. "Thanks but I need to go soon..." I tell him. Not that I want to go to the cold. But I need to. For a moment I am silent. I don't really have any pride left but what I want to ask him is pretty fucked up given he took care of me and is nice to me like this. I don't want to use him. But he offered and I... "You said before you can give me money... I say silently. My grip on the mug tightens and my fingers look even more like bones. I am not looking at him but inside the cup at my own clouded reflection. I am a mess. Even cleaned up...I look half dead. I am such a mess... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "It's such an irony. You are poisoning and killing yourself slowly while I am trying to survive and cure myself." I reply very differently to what he asks of me but it is just to the point. I can't also help to sound quite bitter. But it's none of my business and I am not here to judge him. I promised to help him and I shall. "I can give you how much you want, it won't be real money though so be aware of that and think of it when you are paying with them. You know how it works." I shrug lightly and smile a bit. "But first finish both cups so you'll be able to at least walk and I am going to find you some clothes to wear." I get up from the table and with sorrow in my chest go search through my my few clothes I bought if I can find something that will fit him. I also catch myself planning oh now I need to buy him better winter clothes and everything... am I getting too sucked in this? I don't even know right now if it's good or bad anymore.. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I've expected him to refuse to give me money, or at least be angry or something. It seems he knows... But he just says he will give it to me just like he said. I am not sure what all this is about but for now I better not think about it. "Thanks..." I just say drinking my tea and inspectig my hands absent mindedly. One has a bandage from yesterday. But they are both so clean. My skin is so pale. I almost forgot, always covered in dirt and dust... "It's fine...I can just wear what I wore before," I asure him when he even says he will give me some clothes. I know mine are dirty and bloody and torn but it's what I am used to. He still goes though and I am actually relieved he's not looking at me anymore. He doesn't know me at all yet I feel like I've disappointed him... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "No, you can't. Here are some of my clothes, you are not much smaller than me so they should fit. You don't need to live like you did before.. unless you don't plan on staying here." I look at him again and hesitate a bit. But I already took him in there and he knows where I live.. it's probably no way back now. "But I'd like you to come back... and you can bring your cats too, there is plenty of space in the house for them." I say in the end sigh slightly at this. I am probably doing a mistake here and I can't really save everyone but maybe try to save at least one. Agog flies around my head and I let him land on the palm of my hand for a moment, whispering him to bring with the others leaves to me and then he flies away. I sit down at the table again and watching Gray again. If I only knew what to do to stop him... but for now I will do what makes him happy and makes him feel better, that's probably a good start. "And buy some more clothes for yourself, some food, anything you like. Enjoy the money for real and take this chance." I say a bit tiredly, the iron sickness is seeping through me bit by bit but I am going to survive it. It's not that bad still and if I don't go out much for these few next days I can make it go away with the next delivery easily. It's just that I exhausted myself yesterday and it's showing now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Thanks..." I say, not eve sure how many times I thanked him already. I bet he just thinks I am pathetic...well..I am. And then he says he still wants me to come back and stay. I am surprised at him. After all this I would thik he'd realize that I am more than he can handle. Or maybe he can but shouldn't want to. "You sure...?" I lift my eyes to him again. If there's anything in my clouded eyes right now it's the everpresent numb pain. I need to get out of here soon or I am gonna get bad again... I am finishing the second cup now anyway. I say nothing when he tells me to buy clothes and food. Right. Give an addict money, sure he's gonna buy food and clothes. Sure. Doesn't matter how hungry or cold I am...my priorities are just elswhere. And it's not that I don't kow how fucked that is. I do. I just can't help it. What good is food and clothes if I feel like being dead would be a reward... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I hope you didn't forget my conditions though. I need your help too." I say calmly and push the money to him. I'm sure he can see only leaves though. I don't even know if he knows how much I gave him and how his sight works at all. "Are you uncomfortable to live in a place like this though? I can arrange for you somewhere else if you wish." I offer to him since I doubt humans would be very fond of living like me in the middle of an overgrown garden. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I turn around then to dress up so he watches my tattoo and not my protruding ribs, bruises and needle wounds. I could go where he can't see me but I couldn't bother. It's not like he didn't see me naked anyway. It's seriously strange to me to be clean, in clean clothes that smell nice. It hangs on me just about the same my clothes did. "Yeah, don't worry. I have nothing interesting now but I promise I will keep trying to hear something that might help you..." I asure him. Then I look at him again when he asks if I am ok living like this. "You kidding? This is the coolest place I've ever seen," I say honestly. Although it might be uncomfortable for him to live with a pathetic junkie like me...but it seems he's decided... "I really should go..." I say then. But I am waiting for anything he might want to say before I go. I really owe him. Not sure it's a good thing but... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Alright. But don't break my potion next time, I might need it." I smile at him a little and get up from the table, standing a few feet away from him, just watching him. His words of appreciation bring a surprise in me though and I just laugh a little, amusement written in my bright blue eyes. "I'm glad you think so, I put an effort in it and my heart." I gesture around me and then look back at him. He's impatient to get his drug and I understand him in a way. "Just remember the way back here, buy something to eat. And don't forget about your cats, don't let them starve alone." I sound a bit like a mother but he knows it's important. And I wonder silently when did I start to care about his well being. Probably during the time he was bleeding in my arms... I really hope he comes back and alive. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He stands up, not trying to stop me, which I guess he wouldn't. He seems glad I like his work. I mean where else can you see stuff like this... "I can tell," I just answer. What he says next sounds like he is making me coming back to stay with him a reality. Well I don't want to promise anything. It's not that I don't want to I actually really do. I could live so much better here. But as I said, nothing is that simple. "I wouldn't," I asure him, going to the door. I put on my old sneakers. They are falling apart but I assume it doesn't matter now. "It's just...cats they eat insects you know," I just turn at him again at the door. I like his moths and spiders. I wouldn't want them to be eaten... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Oh, I know that. That's why all of my friends here have protection spells on them. They are not ordinary insects. Besides your cats can have the rest of the house for themselves if it becomes a problem for us all to be here." I shrug and one of the moths flies on my shoulder, cutely buzzing there and just liking me. I am indeed a strange creature but we are like this and if he doesn't mind then I am probably glad. "See you later then...be careful." I say to him before he leaves and look at the door behind him for quite some time. I need to go out after all though because there are things I want to buy and do. So I drink one of the strengthening potions myself and dress into my coat before going out myself. It's a first time in a very long time though when my mind is occupied by something else than anger and revenge. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Yeah, see you," I nod. Wherever that will be. Although I actually...I want to come back. But I am not sure how I'll feel after I get my dose. Things tend to change...I can't predict even myself. But I need it. I'd get bad, I'd get really bad without it. I turn away and go on my way. I don't feel so cold as I did in my clothes before. It's so damn nice to be taken care of...I may no longer care if he has some hidden agenda. And anyway I may be naive but I am starting to believe he doesn't... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I just choose something that is smaller than my size and also a nice warm coat for him. I am surprised myself at being able to find those things but mundane world quickly got under my skin. Speaking of which I am being extra careful because my glamour right now is pretty weak since I am weak myself too. On my way back I stop to buy some food too, I can't really cook him what he'd get in a restaurant but I can buy things that can be eaten. At least something he might eat and gain weight. When I have all this I am going back to my house again and wondering if he will be coming back and when. By that time I might need to sleep too because I suddenly feel very very tired. I drop everything in the kitchen and just go to my bed where I just curl and breathe a lungfuls of the clean air of my house. I need to send Baal for another potion, I didn't think I'd exhaust myself so much by healing him and the iron is just not helping at all. But I need to just clench my teeth and go on just like always. Maybe to try to sleep will be a good idea for me so I just close my eyes and let my mind drift. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro You at least get some needed rest but you really need your potion because the Iron sickness is making you week. Before you figure out what to do or get to go anywhere, at the early noon, somebody is ringing your doorbell.... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro But when I wake up the next day it's because someone is summoning me. To be more exact it's ringing my doorbell which I didn't even know I had. It's an unpleasant sound but my next thought is that it could be probably only Gray because no one without a Sight could see this place. I get up from my bed, not even bothering to put my shoes on and go down to open the door, remembering also that I didn't set up a spell on the door to let Gray in. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I find a doorbell which seems pretty unused but it works and I wait for Siv to open. I wonder if he's even home since I had no way to let him know I am coming but anyway, I can wait if he isn't. But in a while I hear steps and the door opens. He looks like just got out of the bed. I open the bag and shove the gray cat aside a bit to take a small bottle from there. "Got your potion..." I say silently, handing it to him, mimicking my last succesfull delivery. I asked Baal for a new one on the way here, telling him Siv requested another dose. Hope he doesn't mind but he seemed he could use it right away. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "You really came back.. I almost thought you wouldn't." I smile at him instantly with a warmth in my eyes. I am pleased he didn't run away from me after all. Then I eye the cats and move aside so they can all come inside. "Is that a warlock cat in your bag? Those eyes don't seem very ordinary to me." I comment instantly on one of his companions as soon as they get inside and I change the spell on the door this time so it recognizes two people now. Then I head back up to the second floor and we will see how this works out in the end. He looks better too, for now at least. When we get back in I instantly down the potion and it even quickens my breathing for a moment, I didn't realize how much I needed it. But everything is better now and even with him being back so I open my eyes and just watch him and his cats settle, I wonder if they will find this place to their liking. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He lets us in and the cats follow me. "Just an ordinary cat. Clever maybe, but a cat. She's just weird, like me. Or you," I answer his question. I take off my shoes and she jumps out of the bag too to look around the place with the other two. The black cat climbs up one of the trees, her blindness doesn't seem to be in her way. The gray one curls up on the sofa, while the small one just goes around, jumping everywhere, biting stuff, playing with things with his paw. "So..what are the rules in here?" I ask after he drinks the potion. I can tell he needed it... I am expecting him to tell me what I can and can't and should do. I feel really weird being here. Feels so surreal. I was homeless for so long I don't remember what to do when you have a place to stay...how it feels to have somwhere to come back to... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Rules? I don't know..I told you already, not bringing anyone here and keeping my secrecy. Other than that I would ask you not to destroy my plants or kill my little friends for I am very fond of them and I need them to survive. It might not seem like that but they are a big source of energy for me and I put a real effort to create this place, to have my energy source." I look around and shrug. The cats seem pretty okay with it here and they like trees too. I can already see that the little kitten got taught his lesson when everytime trying to bite a bug he got a little power shock, he will learn soon it's not food. "Will you introduce me to your friends? They haven't done that themselves yet." I grin up at him and I do look quite content right now, stroking the cat's fur and looking quite rested and better. Even better shade of blue is getting into my cheeks. "By the way I bought you some clothes and food, also food for the cats. Everything is on the kitchen table." I indicate with my chin at the direction of the kitchen. The clothes I borrowed him are already dirty and I rather not know what he was doing while being gone, I have a god idea about that. "How are you feeling by the way?" I ask carefully and my eyes asess his state. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I have nobody to bring apart from the cats. And I won't tell. I also have no reason to hurt any of your plants and I like your bugs. Always liked all kinds of animals," I shrug and get up again to get the kitten that insists on trying to eat the enchanted moths. I put him in my lap and for a while he is unsettled and trying to get away but soon he curles up and starts to purr. Siv asks me to introduce my cats and that's sort of cute. As he says that the one he chose to pet stands up and walks away with her head high. "She's a bit of a princess," I explain, but I am sure he won't take it personally. "That's Comet. This one is Loki. And the blind one is Phoenix. Comet is just too good for everybody, Loki will try to destroy everything and Phoenix just likes to be alone, she only comes when she wants," I tell him. I hope he won't hate them but he seems to like them already. He tells me then he bought stuff for me and the cats already. I am surprised. He couldn't be sure I will come back and still... "You thought of everything huh? Thanks...just let me know if I can do anything for you," I repeat to him. Feels weird to be this well taken care of for almost nothing... "I feel good. Really," asure him then. I do. I know it's not gonna last long. But I have now enough to not get into the state he saw me in last time. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Oh, she just called me 'a bother'." I laugh a little with surprise when Comet gets up and walks away from me all proud. He then inteoduces the rest and I just nod to every name and description. I'm sure it will be quite fun to have them around as much as a bother sometimes too. But cats are like that and nothing can be done about it. "One thing you can do is go change and eat, and give food to my new friends too, thes must be starving." I reply to his question and for myself think how he is well now but soon it will be worse again. I am going to ask him about it but not now. I just sit there and watch him an and the cats settle down here. I hope this will not turn out to be my undoing... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro Siv informs me that Comet called him 'bother' and actually one corner of my mouth slightly turns up in something like a small smile. Strange, I thought I've lost the muscles that knew how to do that... Even my eyes perhaps awaken for just a split second, before they become clouded again. "Yeah that's her alright..." I agree looking after the gray cat as she lies down in some soft looking moss. "Well that's really no problem," I say when he suggests I should change and feed the cats. I am actually starting to like him, despite knowing how fairies are. Maybe I'll regret it later but I almost think he really isn't doing this with malicious intentions... We'll see. "Oh yeah sorry bout your clothes...I said I'd take my old ones," I shrug after. I head to the kitchen, where he left the things to feed the cats first. "You got any bowls I can use or something? I mean they're used to eat from the ground but I don't wanna make a mess in your home..?" I ask. Maybe he thinks I am gonna be a huge mess cause I am a huge mess but I can be respectful to his stuff. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "It'y your home now too, you know.." I reply quietly because it occurs zo me now too, he is actually going to live here with me. I am still not sure how this will work out for us but I hope for better than what I am worried about... "But search the cabinets for some plates if you want, I don't mind them eating from the ground, it's only natural after all." I quirk the corner of my mouth as i am watching him and his cats. I guess we do have more in common than I expected but I shall not be decieved so easily though. He can't exactly rob me though or hurt me, even if he brought some weapon there wouldn't be any gain for him from this. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Well it's still yours. I am just a guest. You can kick us out whenever you like," I shrug just pointing out the obvious. It's no complaint. Even if he kicked me out after a day it would be one day that I spent in warmth and with food and running water. One more day of survival. I go through his cabinets in the kitchen and find a bowl big enough for them to put water in and then a plate that looks kinda old and unused to put the food on. They are good at sharing. I put the water and food under the tree where Phoenix is resting so she can smell the food before the other two can eat it all. Soon they are all at the bowl and the sight of them feeding is warming me inside. I tried to take care of them before too but it's hard to share when you have nothing to share. I pet each of them for a while before getting up to take a look at those clothes Siv got me. Honestly, I'd be fine keeping the ones I have or even the ones I had before. But well I guess he doesn't want to see me dressed like a vagabond since he can't do much about my looks otherwise. I've owned that set of clothes he found me in for a long time and I didn't have anything new in forever so I even wash my hands at the sink before even touching the clothes that smell so nice and new. I know he has glamoured money so it's no big deal to him, still...I am torn between being grateful and thinking this is just too good to be true. There is more clothes than all of us kids had together. Warm coats too, I only dreamt about those in this cold... He even made sure to get dark colours for me and suddenly I am completely overwhelmed and I have to sit down at the table. I bury my face in the sleeve of one of those coats and just stay like that. I just don't understand what is happening. I suppose I didn't believe it till now, seeing this pile of clothes, all for me, obviously carefully picked, warm, new clothes... My skinny fingers clutch on the sleeve that I am hiding my face in, I just don't know how to feel. I don't want to be a fool to trust a fairy but all this, if it is really a part of some cruel game than it's pretty fucking malicious. On the other hand if it's not then he's probably the kindest creature I've ever met. I just need a moment to collect myself. All this is just too much for me right now. I've been empty for so long...My emotions are still dull and slow to kick in but it's more than I've felt in a long time. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I watch him with little nervousness how he goes to finally look at the things I got him. But his reaction at first confuses me and then just scares me. So in no time I'm at the table and sitting next to him but daring to touch himx "Gray, what is it?? Did I do something wrong?" I ask him quietly as I'm leaning closer to him, my hair falling all around me and into my face but my eyes shining brightly in the dimness of the room and watching his every move. I don't even realize it's the closest I've beento him, not counting when he was unconscious before. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "No...no, it's just...a lot to take...suddenly having...things..." I try to explain in a bit confused way maybe. "And it's Kieran. My real name I mean. You can still call me Gray though if you want, I am used to both," I say, because well, guess he deserves to at least know my real name at this point. !Can I...take a shower or something..? Don't want to get these all dirty..." I ask, looking at the clothes. I feel way too gross to put them on although I bathed just yesterday thanks to him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Kieran..that's actually very nice and I like it. Shall call you that, thank you." I reply with a light smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. I consider for a moment telling him my name, at leasta fraction of it and I conclude that I probably should. "Sivus, that is my name. But I do like it when you call me just Siv." I nod and my smile widens a bit. "And of course don't even ask about that and feel free to use the bath whenever you want. I'll make some tea for us." I get up from the table and go to the kitchen so I can leave himalone for this and to collect himself a bit. I need it too a bit and making something is the best way after all. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He then gives me his full name, guess he just gave me a nickname of sorts too. But it doesn't change much since I'll keep calling him Siv anyway. "I like it better too, sounds less snobish," I say and slowly get up again to chose few pieces from the pile of clothes. He asures me I can take a shower so I go, while he goes make tea. I don't care there is no proper bathroom here, although I'd like for him to not see the pathetic state my body is in but he already did anyway. I fold up the old clothes I wore now and get in the shower. The warm bath is so nice and I make sure to scrub any dirt from myself. It won't change the bruises and scars, the wounds, won't hide the bones and dark circles under my eyes, but at least I can be clean and that is really a luxury to me. When I am done, which really takes a while, I dress up in a pair of pants, tee and hoodie, just to hide my arms. I then hide the old clothes in my bag and go to Siv in the kitchen. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro He then goes to use the shower and I guess it's not really comfortable notto have all four walls in a bathroom but it works and there is hot water. It takes him quite a while though but I can understand that too. Meanwhile I prepare the tea and also something for him to eat. I bought bread and such, some meat and cheese. So I put those on a plate too and on the table. By the time he emerges I am sitting at the table and slowly eating a honied piece of bread while looking out the window in thought. There is Agog and few others on the table with me and they are all eating honey with me from a special plate that I prepared for them with nightshade on it too. They usually eat when I do, I was used to only them keeping me company until now. "Oh, you are back." I turn from the window to look at him. "The clothes fit you well I see, have you tried the shoes? If they don't fit we will buy another ones." I say quite seriously and then gesture for him to join me at the table. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I didn't..." I say when he asks about the shoes. I love walking barefoot in tis jungle flat but I grab them to at least try them on although I am starving. They are so great...given I've been wearing the same pair of sneakers for years these are just amazing, despite the fact they are one or two numbers bigger. I wear quite small shoes for a guy. But they still hold well on my feet. "They're great...thanks," I look at Siv for a moment before taking the shoes off again. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I'm glad then. Please, sit down with me and eat. It's not like the ones we went to before but it's still real food. And if you like I can share honey with you too. Me and m friends have the liking for it in common." I smile sheepishly at him when I admit my weakness for honey and all sweet nectary and syrupy things. There's also milk to drink on the table and I generously gulp it besides the tea. "I guess your cats took a quick liking to my place, glad they find it comfortable." I smile at him while drinking the last of my milk. They indeed are looking quite content in here. Cats love trees after all. "And I hope you won't mind me training later today, I haven't been able to do so lately and I need to stay ready." I ask him carefully since I don't know what his reaction would be since he doesn't know much about me yet and I need to do some of the things I am already used to. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I noticed...it's fine I'll eat whatever you give me, seriously," I asure him, barely finishing the bite I had in my mouth. I'd even eat his leftovers, old food, whatever he'd throw my way as long as it's food. "Yeah well beats the snowed in dump by a mile," I shrug when he says my cats like it here. Just like me they are glad they have a warm spot with food. I briefly lift my head when he says he'll be training later almost as if he needed my permission. "It's your home seriously you could dance around naked in the moonlight and I couldn't care less," I shrug again. I thought he's one of those, warrior types. Wonder if he was a knight or something. I'd rather think not. I really don't like those. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "You will have food and warm place to sleep every day from now on. I will make sure of that." I'm trying to calm him down a bit but I understand his uncertainity. I still flinch often at any sound or smell sometimes, nervous and afraid the Queen or someone from her Court will appear any moment around me. It took me days to be even able to fall asleep for a few hours. And it's still too short of a time since I escaped my nightmare. It will take him some getting used too. "I can do that too, you know, if you wish." I grin a bit devilishly at his words and then laugh a little shaking my head. "I'm not much of a dancer or not without my weapon. But I am not anyone's knight. I am my own master and I do what I desire." I tell him quite more seriously at the end because I hate even the idea of this burden being again on me. I never wished to be a knight even when I was taught a sword fight and fae wars by my father but it was only for our own protection. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Thanks...I'll do my best to deserve it," I say but honestly I am more worried about disappointing him and making him throw me away. I am just...I've always been good at getting myself in trouble. And I suppose there are things about me he really doesn't or won't like. "No, really, that's fine," I asure him when he suggest he can do the naked dancing. That might just give me more nightmares. "That's good..." I just say between bites when he says he is free and no knight. I guess that's a bit reassuring for me. I suppose he is still a good fighter. Not like me. I can fight well, but just in the street way, with my fists. And since my body got this ruined I usually get beaten up anyway, I am not so fast and agile as I was before... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I won't then, but feel free to request it if you wish to see it." I can't help the amusement in my bright blue eyes. I almost forgot what it feels like to joke like this with someone, if it was for Flann I wouldn't know what it feels like to even talk with anyone. But she is almost always grumpy or busy so maybe I still desired to have someone like him with me. Perhaps I hoped for a company when I offered him my home but I am not sure. If I did then I sure like challenge I guess, he's not easy and I know it already. I finish my meal but let him eat to his content, it's not like he has anywhere to be. I just hope he won't be too bored with me here.. I get up from the table and go find retrieve my sword which I keep by my bed, sheated in its black scabbard. I take off my shirt and reach for a band on my hand to tie my long hair back into a high ponytail on the top of my head. It makes my pierced pointed ears stand out more and the naked top half of my body with carved ornaments is a sight to behold. Without wanting to disturb Keiran I go back to the further end of the place, behind the trees and there I start training with my unsheated sword. I don't need it bare, I just need its weight in my hand and my body to be used to it when it moves. I am well practiced and graceful as any gentry fae creature can be. I close my eyes and continue fighting invisible enemies and drifting into my own world. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "If you want to fuck me then you need only to say so, I owe you," I say matter of factly, stopping in eating just long enough to speak and then continuing undisturbed. It is something that I kinda expected, something a lot of people want when they are nice. My calm is absolutely sincere. To me it's no big deal. Just like any job he might ask me to do. But he is going to train it seems and I just go on eating till I ate everything. Then I go find a peacefull place amongst the plants where I feel safe, almost like a cat fiding a crevices to hide in. Loki comes to lay in my lap and with him I watch Siv for a while. I'd go take another dose but there is no place to hide in here and I wouldn't do it with him in the house. I can while I am out on the job. When he takes off his shirt and pulls up his hair so I can see his ears betterm it only stands out more how different he is from me...or any human. Even though I grew up seeing all kind of strange I only started getting used to it relatively recently and sometimes it still seems surreal. Maybe I am really just a pathetic animal that needs saving, compared to him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I continue my training routine for quite some time, only mildly aware of Kieran watching me but not letting this to disturb me. He is only free to do what he wants and he also needs sleep so if he falls asleep it would be only good for him. After what could have been hours but also only one I am done and feel a bit of tiredness in my body. I open my eyes to a setting sun outside, I'm breathing hard and slight sheen of sweat is covering my body, making it glisten a bit like a sapphire. I turn around to look for Kieran and if he is still here. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I let him sleep because he looks like he needs it and it's cold in here so he doesn't need any blanket. I put the sword back next to my bed and strip my clothes completely before letting the bath fill up. I soak up in it with some herbal bathing salts and just close my eyes, my long black hair like a seaweed around me floating in the water. I like this too because in the Court I rarely had a chance to just take a bath like this, just by myself and in a quiet. I spend there a while, just replaying everything that happened and then thinking more about the things that are happening outside. I just hear the quiet sound of little moth wings flying around me from time to time and one of the cats snoring quietly. When the bath turns cold I just exit it and start drying myself up without looking if Kieran still sleeps all lost in my world. Then I just find some tanktop and pants before going to make some more tea for myself, my hair still wet and tangled on my back like ropes. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro The third cat meanwhile climebd off the tree and found a place by the boy's feet, so he is now lying curled peacefully surrounded with cats and plants. You ripped him from the cold and harsh world to place him here, surely it must fill you with a feeling of a good deed, despite the problems he may yet cause for you. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I make my tea and since it's dark outside I turn off all the lights and open the window while calling my five most skilled moths and tell them to fly around tonight and listen for me around about this unseelie business, I will for them in the morning. Then I close the window again, doing everything quietly not to disturb Kieran's sleep. Then I sit down back at the table in the dark and drink my cooling tea. I see well in the dark and I don't need any light but despite that I send a little floating blue light towards Kieran, so just that I can ser him. Two spiders roll down on their webs and start untagling my hair while singing their quiet melancholic songs. I finish like this my tea and get up to get into my bed and letting the light over Kieran to die out as I lie down on the bed and the spiders run away to their webs. And like this, lying on my back and looking at Kieran I fall asleep until the morning. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro Despite the hour being so early, you know as soon as you get up that Kieran is gone. Phoenix is back on the tree, blazing her eyes at you but you can't see the other two cats. Everything is calm otherwise. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I open the window to look out for the moths I send and think what should I do, but I close it again in a bit of a distress and decide to go look around the house for him and the cats. They might be just around here and not even ran off like I think. I dress up in a shirt and put on my boots before going out of the door and to look around the house. I hope he's at least wearing his new coat so he won't freeze outside. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro Well after all he is still a wild thing and you can't expect him to just sit at home and only leave when you let him... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I wave the rest of my friends to fly inside as I hold the door open for them and head inside again. The front door has a spell on it so it should open to Kieran whenever he decides to come back and I should not worry about it. When I'm returning back up again I ask finally the ones who were outside tonight if they heard or saw anything since I need any information I can get. And I start dressing more properly deciding to go visit Flann and find out if she doesn't know anything or to hear some gossip around. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I stay a while in the shop and help with some things. I need the real money after all too and I also don't want to just wait around for when Kieran is going to turn up at home. He has his jobs to do too after all. When I finish up I go buy some more food on my way back, Kieran certainly eats a lot and I am actually very happy about it so I will buy as much as I can since it costs me only glamour. I carry paper bags of food home and some fruits in winter for me since I prefer that to anything else. Then I get back home and it's kind of thrilling to know there might be someone waiting for me here or at least that I am not coming to entirely empty place. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro When you come back, the first thing is the ginger kitten, Loki, at your feet, meowing and trying to hunt down your leg. That also tells you Kieran is back too. He's just laying sprawled under your trees, but he seems to be just resting, not sleeping. Comet is yet again occupying your couch like a queen. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I put everything down on the kitchen table and walk slowly to him while removing my coat and flinging it on the couch. I don't make any sound while walking on the moss and under the branches of the trees. I kneel down on my knee and watch him curiously, not making a sound and just observing until finally speaking softly as not to startle him. "Hello, Kieran.." I don't know what else to say right now and I am just waiting for his response. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I can hear Siv coming back a bit later, but I don't even move, till he comes to me, saying hello. I wonder if he is worried. "Hey," I say, only then openning my eyes but still not moving at all. I guess I am kinda glad he's back. I don't feel right staying here without him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I obtained us some food, we can eat later." I say silently and without looking I add even more quietly. "I was a bit worried when you disappeared in the morning.. but I know I can't keep you in like in a cell. I want you to be your own master too. Just.. let me know..maybe?" I turn my bright eyes to him and linger there slightly with my gaze on him. Then I turn back to gazing up on the ceiling. "I like laying down in between my own forest.. there is only one thing I can't recreate or make real... The stars on the sky. So I just imagine them.." I say silently with certain obvious wish to take the topic of my concerns to another note. I then make a motion with my hand to one direction, like clearing a window glass, and all above us starts shining a sky full of glittering stars. Just like I saw it on a warm summer night back at home that doesn't exist anymore...I hope he will like it as much as I do. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I am not used to living with someone. And I didn't know you'd want to know about my coming and goings. If you do, I will tell you, I mean it's your home so your rules I guess..." I shrug. It will be strange to me but it's just about telling him I am leaving. Even though I can't understand why would he be worried. Maybe just because of his safety. I get that. "Yeah I like it here too," I agree when he changes the topic and then he speaks about stars and makes and illusion of a starry sky so I turn again to look at it. "Looks pretty real to me. In the city you can't see much stars anyway," I say. I guess he must be used to a different sky, somewhere away from the city, where they look like this, bright and pretty. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Memories are sometimes the only things that are left in the end. Like this.. I won't ever forget the sky that shone above my home so long time ago. I believe it is lost now, to all the city lights and smoke rising high above the Ironside." My voice suddenly gains this wistful tone that didn't appear for such a long time. I didn't exactly have anyone with whom I can share ever my pain or the tortures I went through. I haven't had even one friend among the unseelie. I had been alone in all of my pain and now it seems so very strange to even say this little about the things I have lost... "I wish to be able to turn back time somehow. But time is something even magic is powerless to.." I am maybe rambling too much so I shut my lips and just look above us at the endless sky of diamants and constellations. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Ok I get it, I'll tell you next time," I promise simply. After that he seems to be slipping into some past memories and I let him talk. I ask nothing. He can share whatever he feels comfortable to share, I will not be nosy. It seems he maybe really needed to talk to someone and I am fine with that. "Strange that I like this so much too even though I am thoroughly a city kid. But it's really calming," I think outloud. "Why change past. You are alive, strong and free. You can change the future instead," I shrug. I don't dwell on past. It's completely useless. There is enough misery in the present. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "That's good because it's beautiful and it means you have a heart that can appreciate it." I reply calmly with slight smile. He then says something which is probably true but for me quite bitter. "Yes, you are right but I am also alone, in this whole universe there is noone left anymore who would really care for me. And that is quite a scary thing, don't you think?" I close my eyes and the lights of the stars sligtly dim and flicker. My chest tightens and I exhale quietly before opening my eyes. "Or maybe I'm wrong..?" I turn again to him with some kind of hope in my eyes. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro " I am alone too," I say, watching the stars abowe us. "I suppose it's scary if you ever had somebody to care for you. Losing that must be very scary. But I've always been alone. So it's just...empty," I answer truthfully. It's not like I have any dark secrets anyway. That emptyness was a big part of me ending up this way... but it's like I am used to it now. Being alone. It's why I didn't think about telling him I am leaving, why I wasn't sure about coming here, why I can't trust him fully even now. I suppose he has been lucky to at least know what it means to belong somewhere. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Yes, it's a great pain and I suppose it never stopped hurting. But after that I've been alone even when I was surrounded by my kin. I miss my home though, even without the ones who belonged there. But I doubt it's still there after such a long time.." I shrug lightly and some little lights dance around us in between the trees, just like the little fairies used to fly around in my home. I liked its calm and beauty, nothing like the ugly rotten pretense of the Unseelie. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He goes on telling me just vaguely about his past. I suppose it has something to do with why he's here. Fae are cruel and they lead constant wars and conflicts, that much I've learnt. He must be one of it's victims. "Your kind definitely doesn't belong in the city. But nothing is forever, maybe you'll go back there one day," I say. Wit the way the fairies are, whoever he's scared of may be dead by tomorrow. It would be quite sad if he had to stay here. He is just so out of place here. And he has to stuff himself with those potions just to be able to survive here... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Yeah, I could be forever if I chose to be but it's a too great burden to bear. But I don't think my home exists after more than two hundred years. It's been too long and the cities are far larger than they used to be." I sigh silently and play with one of the lights with my slender fingers. "But you are right.. I don't belong to the city and I don't plan on staying here for the rest of my life. There are still woods and places where I can go.. but after I finish my task and get rid of the Unseelie Queen. Then I will be really free.." I frown a little and the light burns shortly in the palm of my hand like a fire before I shut my fist and it dies out just like I hope she will... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Yeah, you can find a new home," I agree, before he reveals his plan. Well, I am really surprised he'd say something like that in front of me... Not that I'd tell anyone but he can't be sure of that. Perhaps he really trusts me who knows... "Man...you don't hold back do you? Well good luck with that, I've heard she's a mean bitch...I imagine it is pretty much impossible to get to her, not to mention kill her," I say my thoughts honestly. But looking at him, he's the kind of person that doesn't give up easily. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "She is very cruel indeed. And it is not that impossible. I've been her guard and knight for two hundred years. I know things and I know those around her and I don't think she expects me to take revenge on her. She thinks I am probably far away at the other continent by now since I managed to escape her... but miracles happen. And I just feel it in my bones that the time is near for my victory. And if not, I will die trying because I won't be anyone's slave ever again." I press my lips tightly for a moment and the sky above us turns dark and disappears, only the lights around us are still dancing. But I don't want to get lost in my thoughts right now too much. "Kieran.. will you did it happen that you ended up living on the street?" I ask carefully and turn on my side, propping my head on my hand and looking at him. He kind of shines in the dark around us, his light hair being like a silent moon in the darkness. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "So...you were a knight?" I say and I suppose it's obvious from my voice I don't like this information. To my knowledge knights are bastards, mainly the unseelie knights. A breed I never wanted to get entangled with again. I guess I can hope that he's different. "So that's what you need all the info for huh? Well... I kow a fairy, I can get her to meet with you maybe she'll know more. But I really don't like being part of something this dangerous more than necessary," I tell him, before he asks his question about me. Suppose it's some sharing time now or something. "I wasn't the kid my parents wanted. They had two that turned alright for them and I was just trouble. Tried to set me straight, I ran away. Didn't want to be nobody's slave either," I answer vaguely. It's not like it's a problem to tell him my story I just don't think he'd want to listen to it, it's not interesting and not important. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Not by choice, not at all. First my family was slayed like cattle out of jealousy, my father who himself escaped being a knight and fought for his freedom was in the end killed for it. And then the Queen took me as a prisoner, her plaything and after that made me her knight so she can torture me until the end of my days. I never belonged to any Court, we were Solitary ones and I hated every days since at the Unseelie where you can meet only cruelty and viciousness." I shudder with memories and try to calm down my breathing. I suppose I needed to share with someone, I needed someone to listen.. and also I am proving to him that I somehow trust him and that he can trust me too. We will be living together and we can't remain strangers forever... "No, no.. Kieran, don't mix in more than you should. Even what I asked of you can be dangerous. I appreciate though for you to think of me. Maybe you can tell me where to find her and her name, my moths can arrange that." I hurry to tell him not to put himself in danger more than he should. Although it warms me he cares like that for me... "Parents should accept you for who you are and love you unconditionally. If they didn't, they weren't proper parents. I like you the way you are, Kieran.." I smile slightly at him in the dark illuminated only by a white light above us, making my skin a bit paler but my eyes even clearer. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "That's fucked up. I hope you get your revenge. From what I can hear the night court could sure use a little change..." I frown. I really do wish him to be able to get his goal. But honestly, he'd have to be pretty lucky to make it. To my surprise when I offer help, he says not to get that much involved and I feel a bit relieved. I was worried he'd drag me too deep into this mess. I know better than to get involved into fae business. I am enough involved as it is. "Ok good... But I can take you sometime to the place she hangs out and you can meet her. I can tell her about you, just so she knows who you are, she might be scared otherwise. It's no problem," I asure him. "Thanks. But there is a lot of parents who don't love their kids. I am not sure something like unconditional love exists. But it's ok. I am better off without them," I shrug. I sure don't miss them or the life I had back there. Even if my life till now was hard and pretty horrible too. At least I was free. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Alright, if you say so. But I need to be sure I can trust her before we do that, okay?" I ask him carefully and lie down on my forearm but still facing him. "My parents did love me for who I was but yes, you are better off without the ones who don't. And I hope now you are even more better... how do you feel in here? Is there anything you desire that I can get or change? Do you need your own bed or I can sleep on the couch and you can take mine.." I offer and I do hope he feels at least a bit comfortable in here, that was my main intention after all. It is a bit difficult to be this close to him with all the little iron pieces in his face, but I still reach out gently and caress the hair on his temple thoughtfully but retreat my hand quickly too because I don't want him to think I want anything more from him. I just like him for some reason... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I notice him playing with my hair but I just let him as if it was nothing strange. Instead I listen to what he's saying. "You have to decide that yourself, I know her a long time but she's a fairy...so I am not sure she can be trusted fully...no offense," I say honestly. He seems the most trustworthy fae I've met so far and even so I am still careful. "I am great seriously no need to change anything. I like sleeping on the floor. I probably wouldn't feel comfortable in a bed anyway, I am not used to sleeping on something soft. Maybe just...I could use more money...if that's ok," I ask finally. He shortly reaches out to caress my hair and even that I let him do without flinching. He can do anything he wants. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "None taken, I don't trust anyone...almost anyone but still no one completely. Life taught me." I reply him honestly and he then asks for more money. I just shrug since I expected that but I am not in a mood to make any right now though. "Is it okay tomorrow? I feel like sleeping right now, it's comfortable here." Open my eyes slightly though. "Can I ask you though.. why do you take that poison? It's your decision.. but I just don't understand it.." I ask him quietly and carefully.. this might be a dangerous topic. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I know how that is," I just say then. We are the same in this. I wonder if you should trust anyone fully at all. I mean I've seen and heard people betray one another, the closest ones, the ones that trusted each other so much...but people will do anything for survival. After that he asks me finally about my drug habbit and I suppose he has kept silent for too long so now's the time. "To make life more bearable," I answer simply. Even if I told him why I started, why I continue, there is no way he'd understand. He'd have to know what it feels like. And anyway I can't stop now. My body wouldn't let me even if I wanted. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro He then answers the question that has been nagging me from the start. But it's such a strange answer and I just frown in confusion, still thinking it through why he needs a poison that is ending his life slowly to make life more bearable... I just shake my head and sigh. "I'm sorry... I don't think I understand." I say it with honest regret because I wish I would. "But if you need it I will give you money so you can have it." I assure him so he won't be afraid that even if I don't understand his purposes I will still support him if it's something he needs and wants. I want to help him and make his life better. "Are you hungry? There is food in the kitchen. I'll probably just sleep for a bit here." I close my eyes and tell him to get something to eat again, I don't want him to starve at all but I feel too nice and comfortable here to move and prepare something for him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "No you wouldn't...maybe...it's kind of like your potion. But besides helping me survive it's also hurting me in other ways... It doesn't matter. It's probably good you don't understand," I sigh and sit up slowly, when he mentions food. "Yeah, I am starving. Don't worry, I'll be quiet," I asure him, since he wants to sleep and then I get up to get some food. I move to kitchen and first of all I feed the cats. Then I get anything that doesn't need cooking to eat. Maybe if I wasn't a junkie I could really have a good life now, thanks to Siv. I realize that. But if I wasn't I'd probably be dead by now. I know I am weak. But life wasn't kind to me. And this is what I became...no way back now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "It's okay, you won't wake me." I tell him drowsily and he really gets up to do as I told him. I can hear him feed the cats first and I just smile slightly at this but I'm already drifting off to sleep. It's not really a peaceful sleep because there are some bad thoughts our conversation brought but I just felt like sleeping now. I don't often dream but this time I do and there is the queen and Kieran too, I don't know what is happening but I am suddenly worried that if anyone finds out about my attachment to him, however innocent or small it is, it will be very bad for him. But on the other hand there is also a chance the Queen cares now about much more important things than me and she will let me run and won't look for me. I wake up after few hours and get up from the grass and moss I was lying in. It feels so much like waking up back at home.. I stretch my long arms above my head and sit up to sleepily look around and find Kieran and if he is still here. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I am not really asleep so I can tell when Siv wakes up. Maybe, he is looking for me. I guess he feels the need to check up on me often. "I guess you don't sleep a lot," I say. I think magical creatures probably don't get tired so easily. He might be tired just because of the iron sickness. Must be nice to have so little weaknesses. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "No, our kind doesn't need it that much since time runs for us differently." I reply with a slight smile before I get up and walk silently to the kitchen. "Did you eat? I hope you weren't bored too much while I slept?" I ask when I turn to him again and I can already see that most of the food is gone and it brings a smile to my lips. I'm really glad he eats so well now. I myself get some of the fruits I bought and sit down at the table to eat them while still looking at him. "Tell me, is there anything you like to do or any dream in your life? You know..I am a magical fairy after all, I can help you acchieve it or make it happen." I offer him and searching his eyes for any kind of spark in them. There must be something he ever dreamed of doing, all humans dream and I am sure he is no different. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He goes to eat and I move a bit just so I can see him since we are talking. I hope I didn't eat his food or something but he just said to eat so I did... "I don't get bored easily...after all I had to entertain myself all these years," I shrug. He acts like I am his guest of honor or something... But then he asks me about my dreams as if he wanted to grant me a wish and I am silent for a long while. "I didn't have time for dreams in a long time. I only thought about surviving. Dreams seemed excessive. A luxury. Even this is more than I could have ever dreamt," I shrug in the end. It's really hard to have any ambition when you live on the street, unsure if you'll be alive the next day. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Every human dreams, that's what's beautiful about your kind. You have so many wishes and desires. But I understand that when your life is hard there is only little time left for it. But now you can dream again..I would like you to do it and to think about everything you want and as if anything is possible" I eat another piece of grape and offer him from my plate. "And I don't want anything in return really so don't be afraid of that. Our terms are still the same." I add quickly because he might get the wrong idea. I am just watching him patiently and eating strawberries before the water is boiling and I get up to make the tea for us. Then I get back and put two mugs on the mossy ground but as not to overturn them. It's anice calming herbal tea an gives a nice smell even more to everything aroun us. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Not every human. I doubt there is anything beautiful left in me. I guess I don't have the things you like about humans. Maybe I am barely human now," I shrug. I sure do look like just a husk of human and most time I feel like it too. My blank stare that almost never comes to life and lips that never smile tell about it everyday, not to mention the pathetic state of my body. I guess I never wanted anything but to be free. And I am free now. But the price I had to pay took my spirit. "Thanks...I'll let you know if I think of anything," I say but even from my tone it's obvious I don't think I will. I am fine with him giving me a place to stay and money, I need nothing more. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Kieran, this is not true at all. You are very human and also very beautiful. I wish you would see yourself with my eyes." I incline my head to the side and still look at him while thoughts and questions are running through my head. The puzzlement is evident on my face even in the almost dark place. "You are just lost.. you need to find your soul and dreams again." I whisper very quietly and take my cup of tea and hide behind it. I'm watching him and thinking of the ways for me to help him, to show him the way somehow. But what only occurs to me that the only cure for him would be probably love... I've seen love do really wonderful things and maybe it can save even him. But I am not sure if I am suitable for this task.. I am not sure if I am capable of loving the way he needs to be loved. I never loved a human and I never took a lover, I was a free soul and loved in my life only my family... but maybe time will tell. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I wonder what I'd see..." I say gloomily. I am still convinced he must see me like the worst pathetic scum. After all compared to him, that's what I am, even I know that. I am glad my sight doesn't make me see my true self in the mirror. I'd probably never be able to look at myself. "Maybe," I say just to calm him, but it's very obvious I don't believe it. What I lost is lost. And I am not trying to find it. I am just who I am and I am where I am. I am going nowhere. I have no dreams no plans, just to stay alive. Sometimes I have dreamt of dying. But I like life too much. Even as horrible as it is, driving me to drugs and to this pitiful state...still it's life. In death, there is nothing. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I can show you.." I reply to him shortly and it's true because I can actually show him. I put down the mug next to his and both are still steaming quite a lot. I just reach with my hand into all the steam and roll it around in my fingers and then I let my palm open up. The steam rises up and forms a face with long silvery hair, beautiful clear eyes and without all the exhaustion or usual blank look, with a little bit of color and filled cheeks. That's how I see him under all of the scars and pain he has on himself, it is like a shell of a glamour surrounding him and I can see through it just like he sees through mine. "You are very beautiful, Kieran.. inside and out." I say silently and put my hand away and the image slowly disappears in the air. I look at him and my heart squeezes with sorrow, he could be so much better if he wanted.. if he tried to believe in himself and not throw away his life like this when it's so full of possibilities. Especially now when he met me, someone who could really help him.. someone who cares about him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I furiously start waving my hands, dispersing the fog with a frown. "That's not me. You just see me the way you want me to be. But I am not..that," I say a bit of anger finding it's way into my otherwise monotonous emotionless voice. "You know nothing about me," I stand up swiftly and overturn my own still full cup of tea, it's contents spillig on the mossy ground. I don't wait for any answer. I stand up and storm out, leaving just in a hoodie, just swiftly grabbing my bag and shoes, not even putting them on before leaving the house. He's just playing with me, like all the fae always do. And I shouldn't let it get to me. I never did. I don't how I could get this angry usually nothing moves me. I'll just have another dose and I'll feel better. I always do... His words and images will mean nothing then. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I'm breathing hard and I'm so confused, I don't understand what got him so agitated. How could it... when I just showed him that he is beautiful in my eyes.. I didn't mean anything wrong with it. I get up quickly and without even putting shoes on or anything else run from the house too, in hope to stop him or make him just come back. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro Only now you realize that the little ginger kitten followed you all the way here and now he looks at you with a sad little "meow". |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Kieran.. I'm sorry.. really sorry I upset you like this. But come back please.." I speak for the first time since following him and step closer to him, snow covering my long hair and shoulders, Loki in my arms and my eyes pleading Kieran to listen to me and just come back home.. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Why don't you just leave me? It's none of your business anyway what happens to me. I am not what you think I am ok? I am really what you see. That's it. Nothing more. Just leave me and I may come back, if I'll feel like it," I say, no trace of anger in my voice anymore. I might just be too cold and too tired to be angry loger than this. I don't get it, why is he like this to me. If he really sees me like something I am not...but he'd have to be blind. He should realize I really am a broken kid from the street and I am gonna just cause him trouble. It's what I do. And if he's just playing with me than this is the kind of game I don't wanna play. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Why are you so angry? That I like you and see in you more than you want? Maybe you just want to be like this.. a slave to a poison. That is no freedom, that is a weakness." I press my lips tightly in sort of anger and pain too. "There is so much more for you in this world than withering away to death." I say it with so much wistful hope though, my desperate emotions present in my eyes and face. But I can't force him to realize that.. he has to see it for himself. "We will be waiting for you because I am not giving up on you so easily. Come back..it's cold outside." The way I'm pleading with him and holding the cat.. it looks so much like parents with a child, arguing together and one of them really desperate not to lose the other. That one is me.. because I suddenly realize that I can't let him go, I can't just forget him anymore. "I can't leave you.. because I care about you." I finally answer his question and we both know that I can't lie... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "You see in me more than I am. Everyone always wants to change me, make me into who they want me to be. Well tough! I am who I am and it's not gonna change!" I say, raising my voice again. It's not till his next comment though that I start being truly upset. I didn't even think about leaving, but now I don't feel at all like coming back. "Oh right you think I don't know that? You know shit about me and still you just come and judge me. Well I don't need this, I didn't ask you to babysit me. Just leave my cat and go," I say through my teeth. I know I am responsible for my own addiction. But what does he know about struggle? What does he know about hunger...he's not even mortal like me. He thinks everything is so damn easy. I don't comment o his last words. I know fae can't lie yet I still don't believe him. I was starting to but now I don't. If this is the way he cares...then I don't care. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I am sorry, Kieran." I say after a few moments of stunned silence while Loki is hiding in my arms. "You are right, it wasn't my place to judge you or say things like that. But what I showed you wasn't my wish for you to become that.. it just meant that you are beautiful to me. But I can be also wrong in my vision, since it's true that we know each other only shortly..." I bow my head to him in respect and my eyes are cast down. I still think though that he is not so hollow and lost, I just don't. I have hope for him.. "Please come back.. I won't ever try to pry into your life like that, it was too much. And I will give you the money I promised. Just don't leave..." I look up and then Loki mewls again and I pet him absentmindedly. "He also says to go back to the warmth.." I add quietly and he knows I wouldn't lie about that. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Fine, whatever. I'll come back," I growl. I am calming down. The realization that nothing matters is settling in. Even if he wanted to change me completely, so what. Just let him. What does it matter. Nothing matters. Nothing matters. The familiar numbness and emptyness settles in. I reach in my bag to at least get a crumpled pack of cigarettes and light one. At least he seems to geuinely care. Even if he sees me as something I am not...it's better tha anyone before him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I'm.. we are glad." I reply softly and look down at the kitten that is struggling out of my arms so he can jump down and go around us. I don't say anything more though on the way back and just slightly flinch away from the smoke of the cigarette. I still don't even notice my bare feet on the snow. It's not like I'm insensitive to the cold, it just doesn't bother me anymore since I've survive much worse pain and torture in my life. I've been made to do many worse things than to just walk barefoot in the snow. As I'm quiet I think about how he's going to probably act towards me.. I need to get him something as an apology, it feels strangely wrong to be on bad terms with him. When we get back to the house I just let him go first in and then close the door behind us and follow up back to the flat. I'm going to just clean up I guess and give him the money he needs, it's probably the best what I can give him right now. So I just go do that and even ignore my moths that are a bit worriedly flying around my head. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro Our way back is silent and I don't really care, although the question is bothering me, why does Siv care so much about me. I am just a bum he picked up on the street, he barely knows me, yet he seemed like it meant a world to him that I come back...curious. When we're at the house I throw the cigarette butt at the ground and let it die in the snow. I wouldn't smoke i the house, it would feel pretty inappropriate with the plants and animals there. Back inside I just take off my shoes and throw my bag somewhere, before I sit on my usual place with Loki in my arms. Comet comes too, curious, perhaps checking if everything is ok and Phoenix too is peekig out of the bush. I calm them and myself too by that. Siv goes do something, but that's probably better for now. I curl up on the floor to rest. Maybe in a while I will sleep. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro When I wake up in the morning, the cats are already gone and sneaking around and I get up to feed them. Siv is still in the same place. I guess he's just lonely...probably. I am unsure if he is awake or not but for now I just go by my business, feeding the cats and washing myself before grabbing breakfast. There is money on the table and I just take it, no question. He promised it to me. I need to go working and...stuff and I promised Siv that I'll tell him next time. Despite yesterday I mean to keep the promise so if it will seem like he is asleep I will leave a note for him. If he wakes up before I leave I will tell him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I open my eyes then and look at him, just silently watching him getting ready to leave. It brings a little pang of fear and worry but I hope he will come back. "Will you be back tonight?" I'm looking back at him with worry and it's obvious how yesterday scared me and how much I regret saying things like that. It wasn't all right from me and I shall remedy it. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I guess," I say, looking at him for a while. It seems I gave him a scare yesterday. I still can't wrap my head around it... "If you want you can come with. I am gonna go by the place the fairy I told you about hangs out almost every day. You can talk to her. If you have time, or whatever. Since it's on my way," I shrug. Since I promised and all. He doesn't seem to be going anywhere right now anyway. Maybe it will help him. Even if we had a fight I still owe him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I'll come with you right away, just give me a moment to take my coat." I answer eagerly and go put on my black coat, not caring about anything else but only calling to Agog and catching him into the little glass jar again, just in case. I can never be sure if I'll either need him or need his help. Then I just put on my shoes and wait for him to lead me wherever he's going. As soon as we leave the house I'm already glamoured into my usual human self even when I guess Kieran doesn't see it much or it just doesn't matter to him at all. But I'm thrilled to be going with him wherever that is because it means he's not giving up on me completely after all... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "It's not too far," I say and then stay silent, leading him more to the center and the to Hyde park, to the more remote part of it. This place is the most familiar part of London to me. The grass is usually high here so even now some yellowed dead patches are peeking out of the snow. On one of the trees sits a fairy, one that a normal human would describe as a typical fairytale kind, pretty girl with fair hair, slender and with glittery wings on her back. What I see though is a bit less fairy tale like. She's not evil. She's just like all the fae...or most of them. "I'll go tell her you wanna talk to her, just so she knows, before I leave you to talk," I tell him and then go to her to tell her. I've already mentioned Siv although I never said much as he wanted me to keep pretty much everything secret. I guess his glamour is strong enough so she won't know who he really is so he should be in no danger in any way. It's not like she is dangerous anyway. "She says it's ok you can come to her. I am gonna go work so, see you evening I guess," I say in my usual emotionless way but I still wait if he wants to say anything before I go. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Thank you, Kieran. I will be on my best behavior." I assure him when he goes to talk to the fairy sitting on the tree. I'd say she looks like an ordinary fairy from the Seelie Court but one never knows with our kind. But I can sense she's not evil or malicious like the ones I've been living with for those two centuries. "Alright, I'll be waiting for you probably. And.. be careful, Kieran." I almost touch his shoulder or face but my hand freezes mid-movement and it's only my expression that shows I am worried about him. When he leaves I carefully take my path to the fairy, I stop in front of her three and bow a little. "Good morning..You can call me Siv, nice to meet you." I'm polite and how I should be with someone I don't know and expect to get some help. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "Well, your glamour is strong but I bet my wings you're another knight, arent you. So what makes you think you can take Kieran from me hm? He just came back after that first one died and now you claim him. Isn't there enough lost souls for you, must you take him away? He is broken, fadig away, I wanted to play with him till there is time. Pick one that is more for you and leave him to me," she says frowning, pointing to a half ruined house, doesn't even have a roof, further in the most desolate part of the park. You can see some movement in there, it's possible it's where the homeless kids gather. It's obvious now the fairy hardly agreed to talk to you to help you. Her reasons were very different. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I am no knight." I answer and I am not lying because I am not a knight anymore. "I am not playing with him and if you are then very well he won't need to come back here any soon. He won't fade away and I will help him find his soul again." I press my lips angrily together and the knuckles on my tightened fist are white. "And who died to him? Because I am not going to die on him any time soon." I assure her and rise my chin slightly with annoyance. I am maybe a little stubborn in this matter and I plan on saving him before I manage to die somehow. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "The knight who stole him before...it was sheer luck that he died and I thought that he will finally come back to me but no, now you come and you think what, that you are some kind of a saviour? Well you won't save him, these kids don't want to be saved they just want to be slowly and kindly accompanied to the sweet sleep of death. Don't you understand that he's mine?" she keeps on stubbornly but she can hardly do anything else than claim her possesion of Kieran, which the boy himself obviously doesn't agree with since he came live with you. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "He doesn't belong to anyone." Retort with irritation and then listen with care what she's saying about the knight. But it's not much and she probably doesn't even know everything. Her blabbering is making me sick though and I just shake my head with distaste at her. "He does what he wants and goes where he wants. He's no one's property and if he wants to be accompanied then I will gladly do that. But you, as I see, are to no use of me so I bid you goodbye." Without any indication of my goodbye I just turn around and start walking away from her. At least I know now that is the one playing games with them all, doesn't matter how seemingly innocent they are. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro She doesn't try to stop you as you walk away. Kieran is a long gone by now, so you probably have till the evening before he comes back home. Hopefully. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro It feels so much better when I finally appear at the doors of the store and go in, like a safe place and I need one right now. One that is not empty, not even my moths or the cats can bring me comfort now. I am also upset a bit that I didn't get any information but I'm going to ask Flann about the fairy in the park too. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "Well hello, you look like someone's taped a poop under your nose," Flann frowns as soon as she has time for you. She asks nothing, but you know she will listen to anything you have to say anyway and will try to help if she can. First off she gives you some small task to help with around the shop but nothing you couln't talk during. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "It's just this one of the fae, living in Hyde Park and playing games with the homeless boys...you know about her?" I ask first about this since it's more probable she will know her. I'm still moving the books and keeping myself busy because it's helping me calm down a bit better. The second question I'm keeping to myself and thinking if I should even ask because maybe I should ask Kieran first but on the other hand I have a suspicion he won't tell me about it. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "There's more of them like that hanging around there. They think weak mundanes are a great pets and playthings. Usually they don't do anything really evil but it's cruel either way. But what do you want. No offense but it's kind of the fae nature," she answers. She may be helping some of your kind but that doesn't mean she doesn't realize how malicious even the Seelie court fae can be. Fairies have been always playing with humans after all. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "None taken, I actually agree on that. The fae nature isn't the most honorable one." I reply with a shrug and get on with another pile of books when I decide to ask my next question anyway. "Also have you heard about a fae knight here in the Ironside, dying not long time ago? I know it could be anyone but maybe it was someone who more people knew.." I can try anyway and if she dowsn't know then no harm done. But I do intend to ask Kieran about it, it's quite interesting information and maybe crucial for our relationship in general. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "Nah, nothing specific. But with all the mess in the unseelie court I can imagine even knights drop like flies. I guess you should know better about that than me," She answers your second question in just as unsatisfactory way. But after all fae tend to keep their business to their courts and even downworlders don't hear news about them very often. Nor do they want to. Everyone is the happier if fae keep to themselves. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "No, I don't but I am going to find out anyway. But thank you too." I smile slightly at her and continue my work now in silence, thinking about everything and deciding how should I approach the subject later today with Kieran. Since I'm pretty scared after last night not to upset him again, I think I'm going to just wait for him to ask me about today and then ask him about the things the fairy said. I didn't like that fairy at all and I'd like him to not go near around her anymore even if I'm not in any position to forbid him things. But even now I feel kind of uneasy with him gone and hoping he's doing fine and nothing happened to him. I should probably put some spell on him too, to keep him safe and to alert me if he's in danger... I'm going to figure that out later too. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro When you get home, not even the cats are there, they usualy slip out with Kieran and come back when he does. Almost strange how they always follow him. You need to spend a few more hours by yourself before you hear Kieran coming home. The first ones to appear are the cats, Phoenix taking her place in the tree and the other two casualy striding around the kitchen and meowing to be fed. Kieran just says a silent hi to you, before going to feed them. He seems quite unhurt, just as pale and fragile as usual but nothing more. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro When I get home even the cats are gone and it honestly feels really empty suddenly. I got used to having Kieran and his little friends around too much. Even my own inhabitants got used to them being here and are no longer disturbed by their presence. I put a plate with honey and nightshade on the table for the moths and start working on what I have in mind. I don't really pay attention to the time running so it seems like it's only a while until Kieran comes back and his cats with him. They are eager to be fed and Kieran does so as soon as he comes in. He greets me quietly and I feel a bit of pang in my chest from the reminder of how the things are between us now. "Hello, how are you?" I ask him still a bit anxiously but he seems mostly alright, his usual self. "I made you.. us, something. Please come here." I rise my hand in which I'm holding a necklace made of a leather string and on it a beautiful little purple amethyst. "I will be very happy if you wore it nonstop on you or keep it with you. It is a protection given by me, similar to the one my friends here have but much stronger one. I have one too and if anything bad should happen to you or any danger approaches you.. it will alert me and lead me to you." I put the necklace on his neck and before he can move away from me I press my hand over it on his chest and whisper a few important words of the spell to finish it. I can feel the little thud in my own stone, like a little heart because it is connected to our heartbeats now and he could feel it too. I won't tell him that if anything happens to me, he will feel it also because I don't think it's very important right now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I am good," I say with my empty voice and then go closer to him when he calls me. I am curious about what he has for me, but it's definitely something I did not expect. Some kind of protective spell. I know he's not lying, as if he could, but I could tell if it was harmful magic. I have really no idea why he's doing this, but if he wants to protect me then why should I fight it. "Ok," I say simply, my voice not changing even now. After all I can take it off anytime I want. But it may come in handy. I mean I can take care of myself, obviously. But because of him I am getting into a more dangerous game. I could hardly fight fairies if they gave me trouble. I feel the pulse in the pedant as he activates it and it's a strange feeling. I wait a bit if he's done but it seems he is. I instantly tuck it under my shirt. You don't wear stuff that looks even remotely worth something where I hang out. "Got something for you too," I say and take out the potion from my bag. He wanted less frequent deliveries but I think he could use the old schedule now at least for a while. I hand it to him and turn to go eat as I am pretty hungry. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "So, I talked with the fae you lead me to. I don't think she knows anything at all except telling me to leave you alone..." I grimace for a second before it's gone. "Also she mentioned a knight.. dead knight. Kieran.. will you tell me about it?" I ask carefully and hope it won't anger him again like yesterday.. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro Even without me asking, which I might not have done at all as I didn't feel much like talking, he tells me that the visit with my friend didn't go so well. That isn't good because it just means I still owe him way too much. I hoped I could do at least one thing for him that would set the record straight a bit. "Crap, sorry about that. I had no idea she'd do that. I hoped she'd help you but the truth is, she's kinda...well you saw I guess," I shrug. He asks about the knight but that doesn't awaken any emotions either. "Yeah...Well Miri was the first fae I really knew, she liked to fuss over me ad torment me, she got a kick out of the sugar and whip care and since she gave me stuff I let her. But then a knight came by, Night court knight, really dark kind of guy. He said he wants me ad Miri was too scared to say anything so...I suppose when you came along she was kinda bitter...that it's happening again. Well I didn't really come back to her after he died though. But she has a soft spot for me I guess. Still thinks I should be with her like old times," I shrug again. Well...I hope that was what he wanted to hear. Maybe it's something that might mean something to him...since Miri didn't help him, so I owe it to him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "What was his name? Was he the blue eyed monster named Tràth or Keirran?" I get up from the table as sick feeling starts engulfing my stomach but I am still hoping it wasn't him until I don't have the confirmation from Kieran. But it sounds so much like him... and imagining he even laid a hand on Kieran makes me want to kill him all over again. He was the one I hated the most besides the queen. I don't even realize I started pacing in the kitchen like a caged animal and trying to calm down but it's very hard since just from all people in this city that low bastard had to choose this boy! |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "He did have blue eyes...but he made sure I didn't know his name. Miri would know, she brought me the news about his death but now she won't tell. Why?" I ask, watching him pace around looking almost terrified. Whatever monster he was, and I am well aware he was a monster, he's dead now. But I slow down my eating and watch Siv now. Maybe at least this information is worth something? Maybe he didn't know this knight died. I would feel better knowing I gave him at least something in return for all this... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I don't need to know his name to be sure it's him..it was one of his pleasures to venture into the mortal world and torture 'his pets'" I spit out angrily and it's obvious how much hate it brings to me to even talk about him. "But he got what he deserved, his creation..his own son, killed him without mercy. He is a young shadowhunter, very brave and pure at heart, Tràth didn't see that coming. And I watched him die with delight." I press my lips tightly together and turn my burning gaze to the window, the scene replaying in my mind once again. "What did he do to you?? Tell me.. did he hurt you? Touch you?" I'm almost shaking from rage but I need to know, i just have to know.. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I listen with some satisfaction the story of his death. "I guess it was his pride that killed him after all. That's fitting," I say, looking at the hate in Siv's eyes. I really can't uderstand how he could have been the same kind of knight as my tormentor was. Because he doesn't seem to have almost any cruelty in him...unless I am being deceived. "He did," I answer calmly and truthfully Siv's questions, both have the same answer. Of course he did, what else would he have me for. And I am quite sure he would have killed me in the end, if he wasn't the first to go. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I hope he burns in hell for this...." I hiss in my most venomous voice and then open my eyes, breathing hard and looking straigh at Kieran. I walk up to him silently and lean over the table to him, put a hand on his face and not even register the iron burning it and making me sick. "Please, Kieran.. never stop wearing that protection I gave you and please be really careful. No one should do things to others like he did and to you... I won't ever allow anyone to touch you like this again, do you understand? I will protect you from any cruelty and evil, I'll be your knight if you wish." I am looking straight into his eyes and I am really serious. This information.. it shattered me and I understood on a whole new level how important it is that I met Kieran and what I should do. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "There were other people that did things to me before. I had to do things like that to survive. He hurt me but he kept me alive too. The way I lived, I had no choice. But I don't need to do things like that now, do I. So there's nothing to worry about," I asure him. "There's no need to be so upset..." I add in a voice I hope is a bit more calming than my usual emotionless one. I just really don't understand. But even if I was his pet too I don't care anymore. He is quite a different master than the other one was. Completely opposite to be exact. There's no way I'd trade his care for someone like that again, as long as he'll have me. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "No, you don't need to do anything you don't want to anymore. I am here for you and I will do as I promised. If I knew..oh, I don't know..." I slump back on the chair but not letting go of his hand. "I just hate cruelty. I hated everything about the unseelie, they are all rotten from inside out.. I had to hold it all in, try to look indifferent and not show any weakness because that's what they enjoy the most. And to think one of the worst of them did so many cruel things to you...it brings me so much pain." I shake my head and once again I'm even at loss of words because it's just unspeakable what I feel right now. "I need to really destroy that nest of rotten evil pests..even if it was the last thing I do." I am staring determinedly at the desk of the table, still holding his hand and my heart running like a wild rabbit. My dark blue blood probably staining his pale fingers but I don't even notice that now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I got used to cruelty long time ago...wasn't such a big deal. I've gone through stuff anf I made it here. Still alive. More or less," I shrug. He's hurt but I don't think he even realizes. He needs to calm down first. He should heal quickly though. "No need to feel pain over me. I am good now. Although I wonder, who's gonna take care of me when you get yourself killed by them," I say matter-of-factly. It's true that he just wants revenge, all the while telling me how he won't let me be hurt ever again. But after all when he goes to fullfil his goal I'll be left alone again. I very much doubt he'll come out of this alive. I'll manage one way or another but...still. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "You are right.." I say silently and look at our hands, my blood on his and thinking how this shouldn't be the end of us. My blood on his hands. "It's time for me to rethink my plans and think of you too. I am not alone anymore in this world." I turn our palms up and caress with my thumb his. "I am going to be thinking of you more and of how to stay by your side. I can't leave you to be alone again.." I look into his eyes again and search in them for anything I can hold on to. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I didn't really expect a big reaction to my words. I really wouldn't think he'd change his life for me. I was supposed to be just a kid from the street, like a stray cat he took in, using his money for some jobs and that's it. But suddenly it feels like his life is revolving around me and I've never been treated even remotly close to this. So after his words I just stay staring at him. For once there is quite visible emotion in my eyes, surprise doesn't even cut it. "But why Siv...What do you care what happens to me? I am just a random homeless junkie, there is hundreds of kids like me out there. So why should you..?" I didn't ask any questions before but I can't stop myself now. I don't even expect an answer, I don't need an answer. I just can't believe him. And yet despite myself I guess I am actually starting to trust him. Well I'll be damned... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "But you are only one, Kieran. You're unique. There's no other you in any space and time. You are not random and I just care about you for reasons I can't even explain." I shake my head at his words and squeeze his hand again. "I know you hate for me to tell you what to think or do but you need to stop seeing yourself as nobody because for me you are somebody. You are Kieran Gray and that means you." I caress his knuckles with my thumb and join my other hand with it so I am holding his hand with both mine. I can feel the iron sickness from the touch I had before creeping on me but I refuse to let go even now, my potion can wait a while more. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He's now holding my hand with both his and I am still a bit shocked but no emotion ever sticks to me for long. For a long moment I am just looking at him, thinking about all this...how unlikely it is. But maybe, just maybe, for once, I got lucky in life. And it's long overdue, if you ask me... "Sorry about your hand. You should go take care of it," I say after a while. I have nothing more to say to the topic of us for now. Maybe he does and I will listen but I'd like him to stop bleeding over me. It's probably no big wound but I know how iron makes fae weak and he is still not even used to its presence all around, so directly touching it is sure no picnic. He should take his potion. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Ah, yes.. but that can also wait. I'm okay, I'll take the potion soon, but you need to wash away that and eat some more.." I mumble back and very reluctantly get up to find something to clean him up with. Our words are still ringing in my head but I don't continue with my speeches because I can see him being quite vulnerable still about it all. I get some tissues from the kitchen and clean his hands thorougly before sitting at the table too again and getting out the potion, I keeping it uopened on the table while cleaning him and myslef too. I keep glancing at him a watching if there are any changes in his behavior... but he is quite calm and back to his suual self again. I take my potion then and I can feel it how it courses through my body but it's helping me heal faster especially from ironburn. Then I resume my staring at him and waitingfor him just to calm down. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "You know I could do that myself, I am not disabled," I remind him, but I let him do it anyway. I mean it's nice in part to be taken care of this way but I am totally not used to it and I don't wanna feel like a baby. Finally, he takes care of himself too while I finish my food and he takes the potion. I think it will help him heal quick. "Well if there is nothing on the program but you staring at me, I think I am gonna crash," I say when I am done eating anything in my reach, noticing Siv is just staring and doing nothing else. I am totally my usual self now again. As I said, no emotions ever stay for long. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I'm sorry..I got carried away, of course you need sleep. Do you..do you want to take the bed?" I ask him carefully and I hope he doesn't understand something else in my question. I just want the best for him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Nah, I like the floor just fine," I answer first before I realize the question might have been a bit more...though I am starting to doubt it, he seems to just want to take care of me to the point of me taking his bed while he sleeps on the couch. What a dumb idiot. I hope he isn't this good to everyone. World has a tendency to punish kindness like this. "Unless you want me there with you?" I ask completely calmly as usual. At this point I doubt sex is what he's after. I couldn't be bothered if it was anyway. I am fine with whatever he wants. I've already offered him that kind of service and he refused. Although in my state..no wonder. But right now it's pretty innocent question brought on by what he asked. I am actually glad he's not like the other ones. Like this I can perhaps believe he actually really cares and that is a brand new feeling... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I didn't mean it like that..I just, I don't feel like sleeping now or maybe for a few more days so you have it. I just want you to feel comfortable, even Comet sleeps on the couch." I offer him a halfhearted smile before I get up from the table and walk to the window to look outside at the snow. I should zake care of the flowers and plants, the trees need my magic too... but I still feel so bitter and disgusted that I don't even am able to think about them. In fact all I can think about is Kieran and it's very confusing... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro Although this was quite an innocent thing and he does tend to touch me. But doesn't matter, I'll just let him do what he wants. Maybe I am not even a pet...just some kind of good deed to make him feel good. Either way, doesn't matter too me as long as I have money and a warm place to stay. I get up and go wash up quickly, putting on one of the t-shirts Siv gave me and a pair of pants that is most comfortable, before I move to my usual spot. Whatever he says, I am not gonna use his bed. I am much more comfortable here. I lay down, Loki joining me right away, I pet him, till I am too tired and I close my eyes, hopefully to get some sleep. It was a weird day. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro When he and Loki settle down on the grass tohether I finally turn around and look at them for a moment. It's truly endearing, him and his cats. Agog flies to me at this moment and worriedly flapping his wings tells me he and his flock are worried abou me and sensing my mood. I let him settle down on my palm and smile at him sadly and just shake my head telling him they shouldn't. I put him on my shoulder and dimming the lights for Kieran I start going about the loft and fuel the plants with energy and take from them a bit of a strength too. In a while my hand is also healed and I even pet Phoenix on the tree shortly. I go back to Kieran who is illuminated by the lights from the street and sit by him again. I watch him sleep and think about all the horrors he must have been through and how he survived them. I must take even better care of him and make sure he doesn't stay alone and fall prey to those creatures again. I just hope that what I am doing is better than they did to him..but he is right, I shall live and not abandon him. Maybe searching for an alliance wouldn't be a bad idea. We shall see tomorrow. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I get up to feed them first, just to meet with Siv, who is sitting strangely close. I mean I guess he has a weird habit of watching me sleep, well he can knock himself out if that's what does it for him, although this is a tiny bit creepy. Good thing I am pretty much used to creepy so I don't even seem surprised. "You must be hella bored to watch me sleep the whole night," I say just as unimpressed as ever. "But I would think you'd keep a bit of safe distance, cause you might get headbutted by my face full of iron," I point out. He might have noticed my reactions can be slow, if I didn't notice him in time he might have been in for a very painful good morning. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro When he wakes up I am looking out of the window for some time now because I like the sunrise sky. I turn to him when he as the remark about his piercings and just shrug slightly, such normal gesture for a creature like me. "It's not that boring and I had a lot of things to think about so I was also watching the night." I smile slightly and it feels like I've woken up myself since I've been in kind of a stupor during the time I sat there. "Also they don't bother me that much unless I touch them..which I'll be careful not to." I nod at him and get up myself too, stretching my limbs too since I sat in one position for quite some time. "Are you going out today?" I ask him as I make my way to the kitchen to make a tea before I go do what I thought about whole night. Put enough tea for two and honey for my flock of moths. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I get up too to finally feed the cats and then feed myself too. "I guess," I answer Siv's question with another shrug. I got nothing better to do today then maybe go see the boys as usual. I could skip a day sure...although with Siv's money I am getting more and more used to more frequent doses. Better hope he won't cut me off anythime soon. But for now I am good and there's nothing else really for me to do. I am grateful for the warm place to stay but I can't just sit around doing nothing, mainly since I have to behave myself in here. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Are you going to see the fairy again?" I ask anxiously and clutch the mug in my long fingers. "Please be careful with her.. she wants to own you and play with you like the others. Don't go to her.." I lean a bit closer over the table without realizing it and there is worry in my bright eyes. "I will go today to the Shadowhunters in this city. To try to form an alliance. You made me think yesterday more about this all.. and if I want to survive this and take revenge at the same time, I can't go alone in this. I can just hope they won't kill me on the sight.. so please, be careful too, alright?" I sigh and I have an urge to reach out to touch his hand again.. but I restrain myself and keep it still on the mug. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I might just meet her on m way. It doesn't matter though. I am not dumb. She can't really do anything to me unless I let her and I have no reason to do that anymore," I asure him again. I could almost say he's overprotective. Never thought anyone would feel that way about me. "Oh, well good luck," I just say to the plan he has for his fight. There's nothing else I can tell him. I know close to nothing about shadowhunters and I still think he's gonna get himself killed, but it's not my place to try and stop him. It's a wonder he listened to me enough to try and get a help. Maybe if he does I can at least keep this place. I doubt he pays anyhing for it.... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I will probably need it, luck I mean. But anyway.. I forgot to tell you yesterday, that if anything should happen to me.. you will feel it too." I look back at him and touch my necklace that mirrors his own one. I hope he at least cares enough to mourn me if I die. "You be careful too. I will return as soon as I can and if you want we can go eat somewhere or buy some more clothes. I am no cook and you need better food than what I am buying absentmindedly on my way home." I crack a hopeful smile at him and hope doesn't refuse me... I have an idea where he is going to go today and what he is going to do there. I wish he wouldn't..because it's killing him. But it would be maybe worse if he stopped all together at once.. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Well...good to know I guess," I answer to his news. At least I won't be left wondering if he is just gone or dead. I hope it doesn't mean I am required to come to his rescue. Cause I'd probably just end up dead too. But I don't think he has any illusions about me as a fighter. I pack a good punch if I by any chance get angry or something but that's about that. "Seriously...do you think I give a crap about what I am eating? As long as it's food I am good," I asure him when he talks like I might be sick of the food here or offended by his cooking. I am used to hunger, I am used to leftovers. I guess he just still doesn't fully realize where I come from. But I suppose it's hard to imagine for someone who's never been there. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "And I know you don't care about these things like food or clothes but I just want better things for you.. so much better." I linger with my eyes on him before turning to the door and opening it, turning once again at him and looking at him for one last time before exiting the flat. "See you later then.." I say silently before leaving completely and shutting the door behind me. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Yeah well try not to get killed then," I answer lazily. I sure don't have anything agaist gettig good food and whatever he wants to give me. But nothing is really as good as it seems. I guess the takeback in this is his goal. He might not be around to spoil me for very long. It would be a shame but I can't do anything about it. "See ya," I say and now I am actually pondering if I should stay in. I mean... He is not here and won't be for a while so...I might as well use the warm place to enjoy my high... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I nod him goodbye and leave the place with a heavy heart. I certainly hope I will see him later again and everything will go as planned... I head out of the house in my glamour again and straight to the part of the city where the London Institute of Shadowhunters is. I can't really get any transportation there since it makes me sick to be locked up in a car made of iron. So even if it's going to take me more time to get there I walk patiently right up to there. When I arrive at the monumental building of a church I just have to look up at its glory and think about how Nephilim really have the pride and confidence of the angels. I guess it's one of the reasons they are not that popular with the Downworlders but right now it's not the time to see those things. I know the laws and ways of the dealings with Shadowhunters and I certainly can't be allowed to enter the building without permission and since they are not expecting me I have to make myself known that I am not threat. Also since I heard about the attack on the Institute I hope there will be someone on a watch outside who can see me and lead me to their leader. Glamour is not a problem for me so I see everyone and everything as it is. "Hello, I come in peace and want to be of help to the Nephilim. I wish to talk to your leader if I may." I say out aloud and look around if anyone can hear me, if not then I will simply ring the summoning bell. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "Who are you? Why should he see you. We've head enough trouble with your kind. If I was you I'd get out of here before he sees you," she says, she's not even trying to hide the malice towards you. Why would she though. There is no reason you should find a sympathetic ear in here. It's obvious that one bad move could really lead to your death as you have already caught the attention of the other guards, all having their weapons at ready. The accords may still be valid but with the recent developments there is the policy of kill at first sight of trouble, ask questions later. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I am Sivus, I used to be a knight at the Unseelie Court but not by choice so my loyality never lied with the Queen or any of them. I am here to offer my alliance with you and also seek help because I think we all have the same interest in stopping the Unseelie. You know I cannot lie and it would be a suicide to come alone here and mean you any harm." I speak to all of them, with respect and honesty, as if they all were important and the leaders. Because I know that since there is only small number of them every one of their warriors matter. My hands are bare and even if I have the sword with me I won't reach for him or touch him since I mean my words and all I need is their help and for me to help them in return. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "And you dare come in here?! You are either an idiot or another traitor. You will not see the inside of this Institute if I have to kill you," she spits and the others surround you. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea coming here and being so frank, knowing the conflict with the Unseelie is very much alive here. "Tell me where has the court gone. Do not try to get out of answering or I am gonna encourage you with a poke of iron," she demands and it's obvious there is no chance she will trust you or offer you any kind of help. They never felt kindly about the unseelie but right now, their hatred is newly ablaze. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Then don't, just let me talk to your leader or anyone willing to listen. If I am a traitor why would I be here?" I frown a little at her question and rise my hands in defense. "I don't know where they went because I escaped during its fall. I was a prisoner in there but at the side of the Queen, I know her weaknesses and guards. I can help you in this fight and I have my personal interest in destroying her. I wish nothing more than to pay her back with her own card." I am looking straight at the brave nephilim girl and she just has to know I am not lying, there is no way I could be. "Tie me up if you wish, interrogate me. I am only here to help and form an alliance." I state firmly and hope they have at least some honor not to kill anyone who isn't attacking and comes to them in peace. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro And our war is not against the Unseelie Queen although I personally would like nothing more than her head on the silver plate. I'll go get the Institute leader but just because I can see you won't go away otherwise. If I was you though I'd leave before he comes. He will not be kind to you," she says firmly and turns away, going back to the Institute, while the others still watch you closely. It takes only a few minutes before you see the girl coming back with a tall red haired man, who has a strict face and look that freezes. You can tell even from afar that he is no joke. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I am not going anywhere and I am not afraid because my intentions are pure." I respond to her and stand my ground firmly when she leaves and I don't get scared from anyone who is surrounding me. Even after she brings the leader of the institute who looks very strict and menacing just like she said but even of him I am not afraid. "I come to you in all honest and pure intention, to form alliance and to help you. I am on your side in this fight and I have a strong believe that the Unseelie Queen is in this fight against you since I know her. I've been forced to be her prisoner by her side for a very long time and now when the Court fell thanks to your Shadowhunters, I am finally a free soul again. And since I am in a debt to your kind that I can freely walk this earth again, you are the ones I come to in need of help and offer mine in return. I am no traitor because this is about my life too. And you also know that I cannot lie to you." I bow my head in respect to their leader and hold his gaze, expecting the worst from him anyway because this war is not the easy one. But I still have hope, I am hardly someone who can ever lose it, it kept me alive until now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "Why does your kind think they can freely come here and put forward their demands?" He says and his eyes tell you if it was up to him, he'd probably kill you on the spot. "You come here for selfish reasons one way or another. We do not need help from outsiders and definitely will no ally ourselves with...the likes of you," he says and you can tell he swallowed much more crude word. "If you have informations, that is the only thing I will listen to although I know better than to believe anything your kind says. Even without the ability to tell lies you are the most skilled liars I know. You were told already we are not fighting the Unseelie, no matter how much I wish I could eradicate your kind, your fight is not ours. We do owe the Queen a death debt but that will be paid by us and us alone." It's obvious there is no arguing with him. In truth he looks like he's holding back with all his might from just killing you with his bare hands. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I came to you out of respect but I can see that you do not care. So be it then, I won't force myself on you but just remember that I came to warn you. The Unseelie in whole London are gathering, exiles and all others. Maybe you are not fighting the Queen but soon you might because she is always on the side of the evil and destruction. Your people killed recently her favorite knight and her revenge is always the most cruel one, especially when she finds liking upon someone. She calls him the fiery boy, he's one of yours, I believe his name is Eric." I step back then and bow once more even when their refusal made me never want to do anything with their kind again. But I still remember the fact that we both have the same enemy even when they don't realize that. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro As you mention the name though, he frowns and the girl for a second looses control of her expression and lets a bit of a fear shine through her features. "You dare?!!" she barks right after, anger replacing any other emotion. Gritting her teeth and the dagger, she follows you with her sight and you can feel their looks stabbing you with hate and disgust long after your back is turned. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro This feeling of being alone, all alone in the whole world comes back on me full force and I walk the snowy streets with my chest full of pain. I miss my family suddenly more than ever before and realize that this long awaited freedom suddenly brings only heavy bitterness. And suddenly the only thing to live for seems to be Kieran. I feel like waking up from a dream and look around, quickening my step and heading right back to my house. What if saving him and not letting him die is my only chance? Because if he leaves me then maybe there is no one left in this world who would care about my existence at all.... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro Next up to greet you are your insect friends, buzzing around you, they start complaining. They talk about Kieran taking bad poison in your home. And they are not angry, they are concerned. Just like Kieran's cats are getting used to you, they are getting used to him. You come in to see the boy laying splayed on the moss and grass under the trees of your flat, his eyes closed, but probably not really sleeping. He seems content, just lying there, Comet resting right on his stomach, licking her paw. She just lazily lifts her eyes to you for a secon before she carries on with her task, as if telling you you're not worth her attention. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I sigh and sit next to him and then lie down, turning on my side and just watching him. His piercings slightly hurting me by their closeness but it's the last thing that's bothering me right now. What I am concerned the most is for him to give this slow death up and live.. live for me, with me.. I reach up to touch gently his hair and caress it out of his face slightly. "Kieran.. are you with me?" I whisper softly not even expecting him to hear me. It's like talking to a sleeping person, just whispering silent questions and prayers. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I hear you," I answer after a while. It's not like I am unable to percieve the reality, it's just a bit bent now. Better, more bearable, mine. Although now it's not as bad as it used to be but this high is something that I just can't give up anymore. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Don't leave me, Kieran.. I have no one left. I am alone.. so alone." I whisper and I know he is in his dream state which I should do something about too, stop him from taking it but right now the desire to be with him is much stronger than anything else. And I need him with me, I need to know he is here and not going anywhere. That he knows me, that he cares about me. Never before I felt so abandoned and lost myself, so without anything in this world. Because I realize that without that hate and vengence in my veins I'm nothing, I'm empty and without purpose or home to come back to. That is the Queen's true destruction, even if she never found me and left me alone, she would still win because I am nothing after all this time. Finding my way in the world is probably harder than I ever thought... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I am definitely not going anywhere," I asure him anyway. I get the distant feeling of him touching my hair, maybe the corners of my mouth move a little bit up. I am always in better mood after a dose. Why would I leave now? I have nowhere else to go, this place is great. And even though I actually do have energy now I don't feel like using it, I feel good just like this, laying in here and watching the leaves and plants or the colours behind the lids of my closed eyes. I don't even really realize right now how upset Siv is. Not that I'd be able to do anything with it anyway, probably. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Good, but be with me a bit more please.." I mumble into his scalp and put a hand on his forehead and start withdrawing the dreams from him. It's like taking slowly away layers and layers of cotton from his head. I know he will probably get angry at me but I want him awake and with me now. I need him to bring me even anger or whatever he chooses to, himself the most. I don't move away from him though and just cling to him partly and put my hand away because it's starting to burn seriously. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "What the hell are you doing? Did you decide to play games with me too now?!" I growl at Siv. He took it away. My high, my comfort. I am back in my shell of a body, weak and numb and empty. I need more. He can't take it away. I don't have much left but I can take more... I want back. It wasn't done yet, it wasn't the end. I get up to go grab my bag so I can leave and continue my dream somewhere else. If Siv decided to rob me of it then I guess it's a lesson to me never to be here when I do it. Even if I think he won't come back anytime soon. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I'm sorry, really sorry.. but I need you... I need you to be here with me, really with me. Just stay for a while, stay please." I hold him close to me and not letting go, my hands buried in his hair and my lips on his temple. "Even when I wish you would stop taking that poison I will give you money to buy another... but just stay with me now." I'm shaking a bit even and I know it's not very warrior like or manly but I need this.. I need to know I am not forgotten and useless, without anyone to care about my existence at all. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I have already figured out that the most probable reason he wants me here is simply because he's lonely. At first it seemed a bit silly, but now I know it's true. Even though he took the high from me, he promises me more money and that makes me stay like this and let him hug me. "You're hurting yourself," I say after a while but I still stay like he asked. I guess no matter how scary he may look, he's actually surprisingly sensitive. I am not sure if I am the best person to seek comfort with, I am no good at this. But at least I do what he asks. And I will let him do whatever he wants. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I don't really feel it. I've been tortured with far worse things, you get used to the physical pain. What hurts more is inside of me now..." I reply quietly and calmly even when I'm still very far from calm. I stay like this for some time and when I finally feel a bit better I ease my embrace and just let him lay on me like this. "They refused me, I was so foolish to go to them. But I had to..and they were right in ome thing. I am no hero, I can't just save all my kind when they are all rotten. And what is left for me..is nothing. That's what I realized after I left them. She stole everything from me, I am no one. Nobody cares if I live or die, my family is long dead and my home noneexistent. And without revenge or anger..I am hollow and without purpose." I speak still in my quiet voice, staring up at the branches of the tree. "The only one who maybe cares about my existence is you, Kieran. Just you...and I needed you. So please don't leave me.." By now my voice is very quiet and I close my eyes. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I know the feeling," I say quetly. Not just how you don't feel pain outside but inside...although I managed to numb mine to nothing mostly already, even though it cost me... But also the emptyness, having nothing. No purpose. Ad I realize I think it would be a great shame if he ended up like me. Maybe he likes the feeling of someone depending on him and he needs to take care of me to have some purpose and I am glad to offer that. After all, I need someone to take care of me. Well I don't need it but it sure is nice. "I told you already I don't plan on going anywhere. Why would I. I was never this well taken care of," I asure him. Maybe I should tell him something deeper but...well me and emotions. I am sure he knows already, despite how short we know each other that it takes a lot to dig some out of me. But I already kinda like him. And I mostly trust him. It's more than pretty much anyone can say. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I'm glad then, I will still take care of you and help you any way I can." I reply softly and caress his back lightly. It really calms me down that there is actually someone who cares about what happens to me and likes me in a way. I like him too, only the poison is the problem I'd like to make go away but I still don't know how exactly. He has to decide for himself though..but not too late because it might kill him and even my whole magic won't be able to save him. "I'm sorry again for what I did but I neede you badly..I needed your mind with me." I apologize to him again and I hope he's not too mad at me for it now. I'd like him to never zake it againbut we will resolve that later. Now I'm glad for him to be with me here. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He apologizes again for taking the high from me and I do my best to supress the craving. I can go when he doesn't need me. After all he's the one giving me the money... "I would appreciate if you never did it again," I say and there is nothing threatening in my voice, I am just asking him for it. There is a battle between my mind that's telling me I can't take it that often and my addiction that just needs the drug. And if he takes the moment from me then I will need more. And I will take more despite knowing it could kill me. It would be nice if he didn't do it to me. I am in a deep shit as it is. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "No, I won't do it again." I assure him and he's right probably, it might be maybe even dangerous for him if I did it too often. But I wasn't really thinking clearly, I just needed him with me. And I also realize how the iron is making me more sick by a second. It's such a shame he's not wearing silver for example like I do or any other metal.. but that would be convinient only if I wanted to touch him more which I don't know if he would like to. I find myself wanting to do so though, it's nice even now like this to be hugging him. "I think I might need to get away from your piercings now..but please don't go far...just stay here." I look down at him and release my hold on him slowly but not letting him go entirely. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro Finally he realizes that he should't be close to my face and puls away a bit. It's not so bad since I turned my head, but still. "And you said just this morning you don't plan to get close to them...Well I guess I am gonna bring you another potion tomorrow from Baal, just in case," I say, not moving an inch, just like he asked me. I guess if I was nice I'd take the piercings out, but I feel naked without them, I feel like I am not myself. I am used to them. And they make unfriendly fae think twice before getting close. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I might have been mistaken about that. But when my emotions get the best of me I don't really think about it." I shrug slightly, still holding him to me and thinking how this is so surprisingly calming. It's been a very long time since I held someone like this, I probably don't even remember how it felt. You can, even when I'm trying to surpress the need for it." I agree silently and stay looking at the branches still. It's so strange how he managed to calm me down even with his presence and reassurance that he is not going anywhere and that he cares about me. It makes me feel so much less alone. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Well it's a cure, you can't help the iron sickness. I guess, just give it time. Taking less potions won't make you feel better," I say what I think. I don't think the potions are anyhow bad for him and it's not like he can just live surrounded by iron without any problems. Just like a human couldn't live in a radioactive place without problems. I stay silent afterwards just letting him hold me. Kinda strage that this can help someone. My closeness. I could hardly imagine it. I guess for me a closeness of other person got pretty spoiled in every way. But well I don't actually dislike this at least. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Are you hungry? I feel like doing something that will make me forget today and bring me some joy. Or do you need...?" I look down at him with concern and let the question hang in the air between us. I would understand if he needed his poison.. but I want to be with him, just be with him today. I am not releasing him from my hold though and just slightly playing with his hair in my fingers. If it was possible I'd run with him somewhere very far away, into the woods and we could stay there together. I can be his dream.. without any poison.. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro For a while we are silent again, before Siv decides to pick himself up and do something. I am glad, I'd hate to see him moping around. I don't like him like that. I guess we need to be the opposites of each other. If we are both miserable we'll only drag ourselves deeper in the pit. "Yes," I answer his question honestly. I am sure he knows I am answering the last one. I mean I am hungry too, but it's hardly as bad as my craving. I could go longer without another dose but we both know how the withdrawal looks. It wouldn't be the first and possibly last time I'd go through it, but I'd rather not. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "So you are leaving me after all? Will you come back today?" I ask him instead and there is starting to unravel a little plan or more like possibility I need to consider or find out. I need to help him more than like that, I can feel it killing him even more fast and I don't want that. I want him with me, for a long time probably..if I can make that happen.. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Not if you need me here. But...you know how I get if I don't...go," I say slowly. I hope he appreciates that I am trying to fight it for him but I can't fight for long. After a while the need overpowers me and it's the only thing that I can think of. I don't know what I might do then and I don't want to think about it. But I might be able to hold on till tomorrow. "I could go in the morning I guess... And if I go I'll go back as soon as I can..." I add although that is not much of a promise either, since I can get lost in my high for a long time. Usually it doesn't last too long, never more than a few hours but it's still unpredictable. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I can..you know..help you. I don't want to force you into anything but i can find a way to help you out of ir all. There are a lot of things magic can do and human doctors can't. I can even pay a warlock who is more skilled to help you." I offer him carefully and look at him with sorrow and affection in my eyes. "I mean.. only if you want. I can take you out of this all, this whole human realm. There are worlds..fae worlds, one of them was the one where I lived, there time runs differently and you don't need to come back ever again.." I offer him finally, I know it's a bit bold offer and I hope won't see it as an insult or anything. I am only offering him even better lige than this. I can do this, I can save him and run away with him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I..well firstly I am a human and I belong here. Fae are not really a kind I'd like to try to live with...I don't mean you of course just...I need people around me. I hate people but still I need to be where people live...I guess I make no sense now," I start playing with the piercing under my lip, biting my lip uncounsciously as I am pretty pressured right now. Why even would he say something like that..? "As for...helping me it's..it's just not that easy. I need it. I just...need it," I say and I know he won't understand. Warlock could probably rid me of the side effects and extract the poison but I doubt they could do anything about the dependence. I just need it. I feel like..if I stopped I'd just die...I might. It's just...what makes me go, my fuel. I can't... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I understand.. but either way I don't want to live with another fae like the ones I did until now. I want to find the ones I was born with, they were different.. our realm was different in a way. That's why the Queen wanted it gone so much. And if everything is gone.. we can make our own, like this place but far away from here only for the two of us and whoever we choose." I explain it further but I don't want to pressure him anyway. "Just think about it.. no need to be in a rush, I just.. think it would be so much better, to just escape from all of this." I look back up and think what to say to his next words. "Okay.. but I don't want you to die sooner than I will have a chance to at least know you better. I'm offering you something better than a drug.. I'm offering you a permanent different reality where everything can be the way you want it. A permanent dream without any poison and with death being forgotten..." I say very quietly and then look down at him again. I really hope he will consider it... for his own sake, not just my own wish to keep him around for longer time than a few more months. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Look Siv, we just know each other for...hmm it's not even two weeks is it. So...kinda seems a bit early to talk about running away together to a magical fairyland..." I say after a while. Maybe I am just being masochistic, because why shouldn't I want to leave this world behind in more than my imagination...or maybe it's the drug speaking, I don't know. All I know is I don't like it. "I appreciate you taking care of me but I just...can't change my ways like this...it's just not that easy...maybe it's even impossible for me," I add. I mean even if the new life was the greatest thing ever I still need my "poison". I am much more likely to die without it...I am sure of it... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Alright, you can just think about it." I answer finally before sitting up but crossing my legs so I can sit opposite him and look into his eyes. "But what do you want then? Is this enough? If it is I'm glad then but I still feel like I just want more for you. Or maybe I'm just overdoing it..." I incline my head to the side still looking at him. It's just such a helpless feeling now..almost anything I offer him he refuses, he wants just money and that's all. Any changes to what he's used to or of what he knows are out of question.. I guess it brings fear to him. But changes are sometimes good, or maybe he sees them as too good to be true and also I am fae and he has every right not trust me. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I told you...I just don't want anything really. This is more than I though I'll ever have for the rest of my life. It's hard to even get used to all of this so...just give me time to get used to it...to you. You seem to be pretty decisive, you know what you feel and want but I barely feel...I don't have anything I want. All I have is my life and all I do is trying to stay alive. I am really grateful for all of this...but Siv really, I am just a fuck up from the street I don't know how to live any other way. I will stay with you as long as you want me. So just give it some time," I speak at lenght, because I feel he needs to hear it. I am unexpectedly kind to him but the way he cares for me, he deserves it. It's all I can do. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Okay, I will let you be then and not push you into anything." I smile even at him but there is a definite hint of sadness in it because he is just forgetting about the fact that for me he's withering away in front of my eyes and the time is running out. It makes me impatient and I understand that he doesn't ser it like this. "So do you want to go get wht you need or stay with me?" I ask him again about it snd brush away a leaf that has caught in his hair. He seems so fragile really and I just wish to make him bloom but maybe he needs to grow into it on his own and without my magical help. He's an unique flower after all. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I told you I will stay if you really want me to..." I say again. He knows well I wanna go but I also can't leave him if he needs me, I am here to do what he wants me for him. After all he pays for everything. Most of the time I need him so when once he needs me I have to fight my urges. I can do so for a day... Not even a full day, just till the morning. I am sure he will give me more money too so I can get more. And it's all gonna be ok... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I'm hungry, let's go eat something nice." I urge him so we can get going, he can even take Loki if he wants since he's always lingering around anyway. When we are finally out of the house and in the snow, I don't let go of his hand and I hope he doesn't mind. It's my expression of gratefulness and also care. I like the feeling of not being alone. I pull him somewhere randomly and we end up in front of a chinese restaurant, we go inside and I guess there still can be something I can eat. But I mainly want to see him eating so we sit and I tell him to order whatever he wants as usually. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He pulls me up and even hands me my coat. Seems that we are going to eat out after all. I very much prefer staying here, but it's his call. Loki sneaks out with us, the other two cats preffering the warmth of the house...of course. I am pretty surprised when even otside, Siv holds my hand, as if we were lovers taking a stroll. I don't pull away, I'd let him do whatever, I already told him, still, this gesture is...confusing. I don't care about the looks, people always gave me disgusted and horrified looks and I couldn't care less. It's just very strange feeling. Someone who wants me close like this... After a while Siv chooses a chinese restaurant and we go in. Once in a blue moon, when I got more money from some job and managed not to blow all of it on drugs I got some cheap chinese. That was like the most luxurious food I bought. This time though, I just get the first thing I see on the menu. I don't care what I'll eat, it's food. And with the craving I won't even feel the taste. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I hope you will like this at least, I don't go to these places very often.." I am maybe trying just for a casual conversation but really failing at the human ways. I sigh slightly and start playing with the plastic flowers on the table. At least here I can eat with my fingers or with wooden utensils. This world reminds me with every second how much I don't belong in here. Especially when the iron surrounds me all over again. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Stop worrying. As long as it's food, I am good," I asure him again. I totally don't give a crap about what I eat. But he just still wants me to have the best... "So...you never eat meat..and stuff?" I ask in my usual empty tone when he orders some salad again. I have spent a lot of time with fae, only ever seen them eating fruits, but never really discussed their eating habbits. I could actually picture Siv eating some bleeding animal raw. That is if I didn't know that the scary look totally doesn't match his personality. I realize, that he can't even use the cutlery. Well that sucks. We just have iron everywhere. Must be a huge bummer to live in the city. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I just don't like meat or heavy food. While being trapped in the Unseelie there was always such heavy food and meat and raw..stuff. I'm more on the Seelie diet, you can say it like that." I explain and eat a strawberry with my fingers without care. "Is there anything else you are wondering about?" I smile slightly and it's actually nice whrn someone is actually curious about me. I guess there weren't many people who had an interest in me in this innocent sort of way. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I guess there's kinda a lot I don't know. To be honest the fae I hang out with never much cared about conversations like that. Mainly the knight...didn't care much for any conversation..." I shrug as usual. If he wants he can talk about himself and his life and stuff I will listen. Although living with him for...as it seems a long time, will surely teach me everything in a while. "I think it's really cool you can talk to animals. I wish I could," I say after a while thinking about his moths and how he knows when Comet is insulting him. I can understand them without words but with them would be much better. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Well..I am not like most fae..in fact I might be the last one of my kind. Or I never met anyone like me. We are born like this..what you see without the glamour. The blue skin is significant and the carvings are different for each of us, in case you were wondering those are like my birthmarks." I explain to him while slightlz gesturing with my hand to the carvings over my cheekbones for example. "Oh, that.. yes most fae understand animals but it's more common for the ones who live in the woods amongst them. I grew up with them so it feels like my mother tongue. But it takes patience and attention to details since most animals communicate with their face or gestures. But I guess for some of them like my insect friends it's a bit of a magic helping me. I smile at him and incline mz head to the side. "I can help you with that too probably if you want.. you just need to let me since I don't want to do anything without your permission. I eat another strawberry and just wait for his response. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He explains more about himself. It's true I never saw a fae like this but then again, I am sure there is a lot of kinds I never saw. As far as I can tell there is as many as there are kinds of animals on the earth. "Where did you come from then?" I ask, when he says he never saw another one of his kind, beside his family I suppose, but what before, where did they come from? Not that it matters but...well...we're just talking. It's what people do. "Well I've been with animals since childhood, guess that's why they like me too. I can understand them as much as I can without knowing what they say in words but still it would surely be cool," I say. It seems he wouldn't mind giving me the magic, it might be nice. And then I'd probably even understand his moths...seems like he really doesn't care about keeping secrets from me. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I guess it does translate into words for me, it's part of my nature magic. I always wielded the elemental powers and life sources for plants and animals as well as my sisters. Our mother was this kind of fairy. My father was more into the actual forces and good sword technique." I might be getting carried away and it's maybe boring him. "Anyway, I can give you the magic I give them and see what will happen. I grin at him and hope he agrees to,it would be so much easier. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Well you seemed to be interested in sword technique too," I just mumble, cause I remember he once trained while I was at home. Plus he was a knight, however I'd like to forget that. And those are always good fighters as far as I know. "Yeah sure I guess," I answer to his offer. There is really no enthusiasm but then, there isn't in anything I do really. He probably doesn't kow if it's gonna work anyway so I am not gonna get carried away. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "My father taught me how to defend myself and how to fight, it calms me down when I practice ans also there is still the revenge I need to execute..if I manage to do so." I say slowly and put down everything to look at him properly. "Did I say something that put you off?" I ask him carefully and watch his reactions. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Right, the revenge," I mumble. I almost thought he stopped caring about that but I guess it's like this when you have a goal and a strong will. You just won't give up. It's not my business anyway. I am a bit surprised at his last question so I lift my head to look at him. Guess my emotioless ways got to him. I'd think he'd be used to it by now. "What? No..." I asure him, before returning to my food with as little interest as before. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Kieran..is it that you have the true sight one of the reasons you resent this reality so much? What do you see when you are looking at me?" I ask him and kind of fear his answer since not even I know what my true face can look like. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro But then, when he speaks again, I lift my head in surprise. I never let on I have the true sight, but I guess he realized somehow. Or maybe he's not sure himself and he's just trying me. For a moment I think if I should deny it, but I guess I should tell him. Maybe that is why he wants me near. Who knows. Maybe he cares about me so that I owe him. But he never wanted anything else from me so... "It's good to have it. I am not such an easy prey," I say first. Sure, I see horrible things...but I would see them either way...I don't think I'd have any illusions about the ugliness of this world even without my sight. "Don't worry. You don't look scary. I can tell you did bad things. But it seems it didn't corrupt you yet," I asure him then. It's one of the reasons why I went with him and decided to trust him at least a bit. I could tell he's dangerous but he isn't corrupted. Not yet anyway. It's no guarantee but it sure is a good thing to know. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "So that's how it works...alright. I'm glad I don't seem so corrupted to you... I tried not to be, even when it was hard not to obey commands of the Queen since she tortured my true name out of me. There are things I'm powerless against..." I grimace a bit and finally continue eating myself. "And don't worry I wasn't spying on you or anything, I guessed as much about your Sight when I had to drain almost all of my energy into you while healing you." I smile slightly mentioning that event back then. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "It's fine anyway..." I just say when he clarifies how he knows about my sight. I mean if he wanted to use me then he had already paid for my services of any kind and I am used to be mistreated. But I don't think he will do that to me so...it doesn't really matter. I finally finish my food, much slower than usual but still, I would have to feel pretty bad to let a good food like this lie untouched or unfished in front of me. I am a bit shaky and the craving is making me nervous and unfocused, but it's not as bad as it could be. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I can see you are done. We can go somewhere else or do you feel like leaving me already?" I push away my plate and just flick some glamoured money on thr table like it's not even a conscious action. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Whatever you want," I say only. I wonder if he still wants my company anyway, maybe he asked because he wants me to leave. He was upset before but now, he's probably pretty bored of being with me. Which is fine, I know I am not fun to be around or anything, I am surprised he so wants to care for me and wants me with him so much despite that. Either way, I am fine with anything, as usual, I will just follow his wishes. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Alright, let's go get something sweet, that will bring up my mood and let's hope yours too." I get up from the table and take his hand in mine again.I can feel him shaking and being drawn out of energy even when he just ate. I squeeze his hand and with it send an amount of power that will hopefully give him some more strength. We head out and I tug him closer to me since it's quite cold and I want to warm him up. We look like a couple to the others I guess but I don'treally care what anyone thinks. I am his protector and he is what brings sense into my life. I should give him so much more than I do.. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro To my surprise he takes my hand again, but before I can question his motives, I can feel the surge of energy he sends me. I frown for a second. "You shouldn't do it, you have little energy as it is," I remind him. I never saw someone taking care of someone else on his own expense. How dumb is that seriously. First he cuddles with my piercings and now he gives me what little strenght he has left. He pulls me closer and I give him a sideways look. I really wonder if he's just so overprotective or what. Even as uninterested as I am in everything he just keeps raising questions... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I don't need it now more than you do. But it's nice of you to care about me like this." I smile down at him a bit more and keep him close to my side. I am probably emotionally more complicated than others but for a fae I am able to express it much more freely than some of the others. "Kieran, I just want you to know that I do honestly care about you. And I'm not going to suddenly want something from you in return for it." I tell him with a honesty and looking slightly worried but I'm still holding his hand. I won't let anyone even touch him while he's with me. We walk to the nearest pastry shop and this timr no one is giving us any disgusted glares since we are both dressed nicely and I just go order anything that looks that is made with honey and then order some cakes I like for Kieran. We take seats at the far corner of the shop with our cakes. It's quite nice in here without much people and the snow falling behind the glass windows. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Well if you destroy yourself there will be nobody to take care of me," I answer. I am dependent on him. Well not literaly I could just go back to my old life, but I don't really want to, so sure I will be unhappy if he's reckless. He asures me that he cares about me without thinking about profit and I mostly believe him although I am leaving a bit of doubt. You should never blindly trust anyone. I am still wondering why me...but I know there's probably no answer at all. "Right...well it's not like I have much to offer," I say in the end. Although knowing I have true sight could surely be used but..hopefully he won't. We go to a pastry shop again and sit in a corner. I can enjoy the change of attitude towards me now. I still look tired and sick but I am clean in new clothes so nobody judges me more then they would another person with my looks. Siv orders some sweets and when they bring them I start automatically picking on one cake but my heart is just ot in it. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "The only thing I want is your company." I assure him and when we sit down I instantly start eating one of the honey cakes. But my appetite soon dies when I see him picking on his. I reach across the table to take his hand again but doesn't say anything and just look at him with concern and silent question. I soon realize that it's killing me inside more and more to see him like that and not be able to help him in any way...or not instantly right now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "You are pretty easy to please," I point out when he says my company is enough. I mean, I must be like the worst company ever, yet he just wants to be near me. He starts eating but soon he takes my hand again, probably wanting me to say something, but I don't. He knows what's wrong. It's strange though, having someone to just do someting like this...support you, take your hand, when you're not well. He is also the reason why I am not well but after all it's all my own fault anyway. I've never had anyone who'd stand by me this way and it's really strange. My hand is cold and limp in his, it seems small and fragile, although we are both men. But I am just a husk now...sometimes I too think it's a bit sad. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I don't say anything anymore, I am just here for him and holding him like that while continuing to eat one more cake. Maybe I just need to be here for him, not to leave him alone just like he is not leaving me too right now when I need it. It's such a nice feeling, so warm and comforting and I can't help myself to send him a little energy through our touch again but only slight so he won't probably notice but it will support him own energy. I don't force him into eating more or stuff, I am just being here with him. It is true, simple things sometimes mean so much more than grand gestures. Holding hands can also make so many connections with bodies and souls. It's a wondorous thing and I'm just feeling charmed by it somehow right now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro We stay silent after that. I am fine with silence and it seems Siv is somehow content now. I keep eating the one slice of cake very slowly while my eyes wonder quite often to out hands. He's holding mine firmly, even carresing me from time to time. The difference of the colours of our skin is amazing. His looks almost black next to my pale skin. Thanks to the lack of pigment my skin is even whiter than in usual pale people so the difference is the more striking. But I am mostly amazed by the fact he's doing this, just because he cares about me. Because he likes being with me. People that wanted me close always wanted sex. There was nothing tender in it ever, nothing warm, nothig calming. It was cold and empty and it made me resent being close to anyone. The best I could do without feeling repulsed was huddling with the other kids in our house when we were cold. But this is different. I am totally confused by it but it doesn't repulse me, doesn't feel bad. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Let's go home." I say silently and turn my gaze from the window to look at him and smile slightly. Somehow it sounds so nice.. to call it home, our home. I realize that I made the place to be more than a refuge for me and for him. It brings comfort and warmth. Not releasing his hand I get up from the table and take him with me gently. We walk out like this from the shop back into the street and the cold hits us but I don't mind now and I guess neither he does since ee both know we have a warm place to go and stay. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I finish the cake and eat no more although there are some leftovers at which I look regretfully and after a while I ask silently for the employees to wrap it up for us. I just can't stand wasting food. I am gonna take them to the kids tomorrow, they'll pee themselves from happiness. Then we get up to go home...which I guess it is for me now. I mean as close to home as I was ever since I was a child. Siv doesn't let go of my hand and I guess it is even a bit reasuring, although I am still kind of confused about it. In my new coat I am not cold at all, since I was used to wearing just a thin hoodie before so I don't mind the winter all around, although I wish for a short one for the sake of the others. As we walk to the house, Loki emerges from the growth, I suppose he was stalkig us from afar the whole time and I pick him up to warm him before we go in, although he too is used to the cold. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro As we arrive at the house Loki emerges from the growth and Kieran takes him in his arms. It brings a smile to my lips again and we enter the door that unlocks only for us. I lead the way up and we are back inside welcomed by warmth and nice forest smell of the place. "Are you tired? Or do you want a bath?" I ask him before I take off my coat and I maybe feel like taking one. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Why? Are you gonna scrub my back?" I ask since I don't see the reason for those questions. If I am tired I'll sleep, if I want bath, I'll take it...simple as that. It's probably just his overal way of caring. I carry the cakes to the fridge after feeding the cats and then just go sit ad watch the critters and pet them for a while. I am quite tired, but I also don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight. "I guess I'll go rest in a while," I decide then. I can at least do that even if I won't sleep. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I'll go take one then.." I say with little uncertainity, as if I wanted to ask him about something but hesitated. I will think about it more during my bath and then decide if it's wise. I undress then on my way to the bathroom which is not that secretive but I guess he doesn't mind it that much. I run the water and step inside where I soak for a moment my whole self and stay under the water. I think about the clear waters back home where I could swim for hours, I miss those times.. I finish my bath quite quickly though and when I emerge from the bathroom in only light pants and my long hsir covering my torso I search instantly for Kieran around and if he's still awake. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He opts to go to the shower, undressing along the way and I truly do not care. As I told him, he could dance around naked if he wanted. While he is in the shower I wait for the cats to finish their food and then play with them a while, since they just got their night spurs of energy. After a while though I do feel very tired. Without the drug I always feel very tired... I am just about to curl up on my usual spot when Siv comes out again but I don't pay him any attention and just cuddle Loki who came to lie on my lap, before lying down to rest. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Kieran? Would you like.. or mind..to sleep close to me tonight? I mean..just be with me? I don't ask for anything more..just for you to be closer to me." I ask him finally and go sit down on the mattrace where I usually sleep. I admit it sounds strange a bit maybe but I'd like it very much. I unfold the tangled covers and for a bit what he will decide. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "If that's what you want," I say and get up again, petting Loki who's obviously unhappy about my movement but then he just goes curl up with Comet on the couch. I go to the kitchen first and there I unscrew my piercings one by one, carefully lining them in a row on the table, further from the edge in case the cats had a go at them. Sleeping next to Siv with a face full of iron would be really dumb. I feel just so unnatural without the piercings though...and I bet the holes are not very nice to look at, but it's gonna be dark anyway and I can be without them for one night... When I am done I go to Siv's bed and stand in fron of him. "Where do you want me?" I ask, ready to do what he wants me to. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I didn't think they could be removed like this...you look a bit different without them." I smile at him without realizing it. "Just lay with me and let me hold you..if you don't mind. I say finally and then with only a flick of my hand the lights go off while I start pulling him down to the bed and then very carefully engulf him into my embrace. It feels so strange to have someonr with me like this... but very very nice. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Why not, they're not glued to my face. I just don't like taking them off. I feel weird without them," I answer to his wonder, before he tells me to lie in his arms and turns of the light. I let him pull me close to him and embrace me, settling my face to his chest. I can do it now, since I have no piercings. I don't think I've ever been held like this in my whole life and for once, I don't feel completely numb. I can feel his warmth and his care for me and for a moment I guess I am a bit touched. I really don't know what to do about all this but just like usual, I am just gonna go along with it. It's the first time in forever since someone else's closeness feels nice instead of disgusting... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Good night, Kieran." I mumble and then just slightly kiss his forehead. I guess it must be strange to listen my heart and laying on my blue carved chest only. For me even this is very glorious and I doubt it will let me sleep but he should probably. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Good night," I answer, not even realizing it has been a while since he spoke. I actually feel very comfortable near his warmth..maybe I'll fall asleep after all. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro After that I let myself also slowly fall asleep and travel into the realm of dreams. I'm not letting him go during the whole night until the morning. Just then I start to stirr and feel the sun rising even without opening my eyes.It is strange but I felt so much calmer during this night than a way long ago before. And I probably know why.. I think Kieran will have a permanent place in my arms soon... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro Siv never sleeps long but his eyes are closed so I am not sure if he is awake. I'd like to leave soon, but I won't till he lets me go. "Siv?" I say very quitetly so he just hears it if he's awake but it won't wake him if he's asleep. I don't even stir, he kept holding me through the whole night and he is still even now... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Good morning..is it time for you to leave?" I ask him with my a bit raspy voice from sleep. I don't protest though and just let him go slightly so he can get up. It is obvious though how I don't want him to leave because it just felt so nice having him here like this. But I won't say anything because I respect him and with keeping him forcefully I won't manage anything. I will talk to Baal today and see what can be done but I somehow expect him to tell me it's a lost cause. The only thing I can do is watch him leave... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Yeah...I'll go...and I'll get your potion too. I'll be back as soon as I can," I tell him, although as soon as I can in my case can be whenever really. I get up slowly, slipping out from his arms and as usual I go to feed the cats first, since they are already coming, seeing I woke up. Only then I go get ready to go out and feed myself too. It's barely light outside but that's only good. I like the abandoned streets of London in the morning. I like the night even better but...I don't really regret stying with SIv instead yesterday. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I will go out myself probably too. I need to buy food for all of us again and also talk to some people." I get up slowly myself and watch him getting ready while I go make some tea. I am still half naked since I don't feel such things as shame of my body or anything. We are also probably past those things anyway. But before he goes for good from the door I draw him close to me and kiss his temple gently and quickly. "Be careful..see you later then." Then I let him go completely and sigh while watching him go away. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Ok see you later then. And I'll be fine," I asure him, before buttoning up my coat and leaving the house, three lean shadows following me out the door. Guess they all want to strech their legs or visit friends. But they will be waiting here when I come back. Home... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I myself go back to drinking my tea but I realize how empty suddenly the places seems without even the cats keeping me company. My moths sleepily fly around me and I feed them too. It is true what I said that I need to buy some things for us all to eat. We are almost short on honey and that is just unthinkable. I finish my tea and dressing up before I head out. I open the palm of my hand where Agog lies expectantly and whisper to him to fly to Baal and tell him that I need to speak with him about Kieran and that it's very important. Then I let the moth fly and start walking down the street to the book shop. I need to talk to Flann about this too and also see if there are any news in the Shadow World. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "You here again?" she just says but you know she's always fine with seeing you. Before you can talk to her, you notice that your little messenger flew in after you, delivering your reply very fast. He says Baal will make time for you in the afternoon so you can come see him. He usually takes very good care of his customers so he would not refuse you. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Hello, Flann. I'm here only for a while but I can help you with whatever you need. But I also want to ask you haven't heard any news in the Shadow world." I start with this simple question and look around the shop for anything I can do around here today. "Also there's one more delicate question I need to ask...it's about curing a body addiction to a poison. You know, the human drugs. Do you know ways or any warlock that is the best at healing?" I ask like this since I don't want to reveal too much and also I don't want to ask her as if I'm not sure there's a way how to save someone from it. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "No news you'd be interested in but I reckon that's just the silence before a storm," she muses, while herself sorting out the herbs she also sells here. "Drugs huh? I've heard that cocain is so common in here you may be getting it into your system even without knowing...really don't know what has the world come to. I guess the only cure is taking the drug away...but I imagine it's not simple. I am really not an expert in this, ask Baal I'd say he may know," she says, shaking her head at this. She doesn't ask why you need to know but then it's a good thing about her, not asking too many questions. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Yeah, thank you. I will talk to him today anyway." I answer her and think of how much I will probably need to go through before I find the way to help Kieran. But I don't care and don't mind as long as I make it happen. I continue in my work and make a small talk with Flann before it's time for me to leave and go see Baal. I guess I can go to his place, hopefully it's not harm done in this and no one will see me there. I say goodbye to her and take some money since I always need them before I head out again and straight to Baal. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro Baal lives in a small but cozy house in a less frequented street. There is a fence aroud the house but you open the gate with no trouble. You ring the bell and you don't have to wait for a long time before Baal comes and lets you in. "Come, sit in the living room," he says, letting you in the small but nice room and seating you on the sofa. There's tea already prepared on the table. "So what has he done...he stole from you didn't he? He's done a good job till now but I should have known not to trust a junkie..." he frowns all distressed. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Nothing like that. He's not being difficult, in fact more like the opposite. But I need to speak with you about another matter concerning him... I want to help him, cure his body from the addiction. And I know there are better ways than with the human doctors. Magic is much more powerful and I want to ask you if you know a way how to do it or anyone who is specializing in healing the body like this." I speak truthfully and I guess he can pretty much guess I took liking of Kieran. But I don't really mind about what he thinks, I just need his help and if he doesn't give it to me then I will search further. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "Well even with magic that is something that's not so simple. You should know that should you wish to udertake the process it will be very time and energy consuming. I will asume from the way he looks he is taking something real bad like heroin or cocaine. I can detox his body, make him less sick, heal his wounds. But not even magic can rid him of the addiction. The only way to do that is with a lot of will and patience. And he would need you to help him every step of the way. The addiction to these substances is very strong, to the point they make you do things without your mid having a say in it. A junkie without his drugs becomes weak, sick, depressed, even suicidal. He will have no will to get over his addiction without support. And should he get to the drug before he is cured the risk of overdose is very high. And even after the addict is healed he may get back in the cycle if not careful..." he explains. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I don't like this...there is a way how to revive even almost dead plants, fae magic can do that. There should be a way to do this all more effectively and less painfully even for him." I shake my head slowly and rest my head on my hand and let myself think more deeply about it. I just need him to get rid of it without that much pain and torture. I need it to be a real help and not just a long painful way of pointless craving. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "I understand..." he says. "Well then, if you don't care what happens to him, I may remove the whole addiction from him. But it will chage him. Unless a natural way is used it will mean removing part of him and there is no saying what will he become. This is not just about healing. It's about mind and soul. But if you don't care about that and just want the quick way, I can give you that," he says without any judging in his voice. He just assumes now that you took Kieran as a pet and you just want a healthy pet. He doesn't care, as long as you pay. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I don't want to rip his soul out.. I want him to find it again. And he doesn't want to stop taking that poison. So no.. I can't force him to. I'm sorry I bothered you." I get up from the chair still lost in my thoughts and shake my head. "I should go.. he'll be waiting for me. And also while I'm here I will pay you for your services too." I get out the real money I managed to save from working at the shop and give him the usual amount and something on top since he gave me more potions recently and also for his advice now. Then I say my goodbyes and head out again tl buy some food for us all. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "They never want to...because it makes them think they need it to live," he just shrugs, but he won't force you to accept his offer. He takes you to the door then. "Well if you change your mind or need anything else just let me know," he just adds before lettig you out. You leave his house and head to buy whatever you need. It's still pretty early so Kieran surely won't be home yet, so you have enough time anyway. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Thank you, I'll contact you in case I change my mind." I say with a nod before I leave his house. I don't know what hour it is but it's already getting dark so it should be nearing the late afternoon. I go to the market where I buy some human food and even meat that is already cooked, some vegetables and fruits for me and of course three big jars of honey. Then I head home finally, a bit weighted down with all the stuff I bought. It's strange how I'm really trying to take a good care of him. I get to the house and I'm already searching for any signs of him being back or the cats. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I sort out the things I bought and then I decide to do some training until he comes back. It's not like I'm dependant on his existence and company but I want to talk to him somehow about his addiction. I just feel like the clock is ticking and we are losing so much time. I take off most of my clothes except my pants and go take my silver sword so I can start with my session. It is when I lose track of time and reality and I am in my own world of blades and movement. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro It seems Siv has really bought quite a bit of food so I go to eat whatever i can get my hands on. There's even meat and that is surely for me, since Siv doesn't eat it. Right now I am starving again. Looking at myself it may just seem to me but I think the bones are not so visible as they were before on me. I was always skinny I remember but I used to be a bit easier to look at before the drugs... But now I have food without having to worry about money so maybe I will soon not look so very scary... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Hello..you're back." I smile at him and just now notice that I'm quite drenched in sweat and my long hair is plastered on my blue skinned torso. "You found the meat that's good. How was your day?" I put away my sword and take a towel from the bathroom to wipe away a bit of the sweat before I go take a bath. I sit down at thr table with him and drink some water from a glass while watching him and thinking how the food and my care are visible on him. Ans if I should really approach the topic of his healing now... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "It was good," I answer his question, still eating contently. It's still kinda weird to be this taken care of. Even just being asked about my day... I think it will take a long time to get used to all of this. Not that I complain at all. "Oh yeah here's your potion," I say and take it out of my pocket, setting it on the table. Baal was a bit weird today...but well main thing is he gave me the potion. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Oh,thank you. I will leave it for later. Let's eat now, your friends seem also pretty hungry. Did you see anything interesting today?" I ask him just casually and I mean like anything he would like. "By the way I just wanted to ask..since no other from my kind will dare to touch you and I won't in any way without your permission..would you maybe consider wearing your percings from some other material than steel? I don't know if you could or want.. so that's why I'm asking..." I say with uncertainity and even a little hope too. Mainly hope that I won't offend him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "No, sorry, maybe at my next delivery I'll hear something," I shrug. I hope he's not mad cause I am not paying him back in any way. But I just can't work miracles. "Sure...if you get them," I answer to his proposition. It would be definitely a good thing for him, I've burnt him one too many times and I am not willing to get rid of them completely. I think the alternative metals are expensive but it's not like that's a problem for Siv. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Oh, okay but it's just that I have no idea where to get hem and which so I guess we should go together. If you don't mind. At least I will glamour the exact money for it at the spot." I explain and reach for another strawberry and offer him too. I hope he doesn't think that this is only my food and he can't eat it. "Are you tired? I ask him while just sitting at the table with him. I'm looking him over and he really does look somehow better and fuller than before. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "We can go whenever you want really," I asure him. Apart from the few days of doing deliveries for Baal I really have nowhere I have to be. "Speaking of money...I could use some..." I meantion carefully. To be honest I ran out a while ago but only now is it becoming an issue as I am running out of my stash too. But Siv said he'll give me as much as I want and since it's just glamour money he should have no problem giving me more. "No...not really," I answer another of his worried questions and take the strawberry from him as I have finished my meat now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I'll give you tomorrow, alright?" I tell him and smile a bit but there is a trace of sadness I can't hide in my eyes. "Okay.. I wonder.. have you had any hobbies or things you liked to do when you were younger? Or maybe books I can get you or music? I know people enjoy such things and I myself enjoy them too even when I don't have much access to it but now when I work in the book shop..." I shrug slightly and offer him maybe some kind of distraction or entertainment. He has to have some interests.. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He asks me about my hobbies then and well...it's strange how long I didn't have even thoughts for entertainment besides some silly games we played with the other kids or my drug haze. "I used to do parkour. You don't really need anything for that besides healthy body...well maybe a pair of good sneakers not to hurt your bones. But...well I didn't have energy for it in a long time," I say gloomily, looking at my empty plate. "And I used to like reading sometimes..and everyone likes music. But it's been a long time since I enjoyed those things for real...just read a crappy book someone thre away from time to time and listened to music when it was somewhere I could here it..." I shrug. I guess now I can have all those things again. But I am still in a state when I probably don't quite believe it yet. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I am not familiar with this activity.. but you sure have to show me some time. I guess it's too cold for going outside but you feel free to use the rest of the house if you want or even here." I shrug and this time my smile is bit more genuine. "As for books. I can buy you what book you want and Flann will give me also whichever I want. So tomorrow if you like we can go shop for these things too. Also music.. you can buy how much music you want." I take his hand again and squeeze it shortly before getting up and stretching my body. "I miss the voices of the birds... this was my most favorite music. But all the geniuses of the past centuries were a real wonder to me." I nod a few times and look a bit lost in thought outside the window before I smile down at him again. "I'm going to wash up quickly..." I say and take my leave to the bathroom so I can do as I said. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "It's ok. I don't really need anything," I shrug. It's true I don't even feel like doing anything fun...I am just...way too empty. "It's not like the birds don't sing in here. Although not so much in the winter," I answer his complaint, before he decides to go shower. I just nod, getting up myself to go play with the cats for a bit. After all they are all the entertainment I need. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "No, not so much in winter." I just reply quietly and go to the bathroom. I need to cool down a bit maybe and then I'll be alright again. I wash up and also my hair which I let free on my back to dry as I dress up in clean pants and a white tshirt. I get back into the room to find Kieran playing with the cats. "Do you.. want to sleep here tonight too?" I ask him quietly when I just sit down on the makeshift bed. I am not that tired though, I just feel mentally exhausted and I'd much rather just lay down in the dark and think or .. just talk maybe. And I also think I missed him and his closeness today.. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "If you want me to," I answer, just like always. Well I guess he wats since he asked. It didn't feel bad last night so I don't mind and even if I did I'd do it. There's only so much I can give him. "You gonna sleep already?" I ask. I can tell he is tired. I wonder what he did today that tired him so. Or maybe it's just the life in th city. "You can drink the potion now, I can get you another one whenever," I asure him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "And no, I can't afford to take so often the potions. I don't have that much real money for them and besides I don't feel sick yet." I decline his offer of the potion since it's not what I need that much right now. So I just lie down in the bed and put my hands behind my head. It's up to him if he wants to join me, he said he doesn't mind so I guess he will. I am only staring at the ceiling that is already grown over with branches of the trees and plants. I feel like watching the stars again so I wave my hand once and all the lights go out and then twice and the ceiling is suddenly full of stars again, as if it wasn't there at all and it was a beautiful summer night above our heads. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I just wash quickly and take off the hoodie, staying just in a shirt. It's not cold here and next to Siv, it's very warm. Then I go to the kitchen to take off my piercings again, setting them on the table one by one, before coming to Siv's bed and just settling next to him, laying my head on his chest. "Well you know...I don't need real money, I only buy shit that can be bought with glamoured money. I can tell Baal to pay me in potions. It's crappy that you should feel bad cause you don't have enough money for the cure," I tell him what I thought of in this short time. I know how bad it is not to have money for what you need and since he gives me everything I need now, I can do at least that to help him get what he needs. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "That's so very nice of you, Kieran." I stroke his cheek gently and smile at him. "But it's not necessary. It's not because of you, it's because I just hate taking it even if it helps me. I don't like to depend on something like this. I am still managing though.. I just don't want to be taking it more than I should." I shrug and pull him up a bit more before enveloping him in my arms. It is strange how close we grew and I really hope he doesn't mind this and it's not doing it because he has to. I'm looking at him now more than at the sky above us, I'm watching his face in he shadows and wondering at such simple thing that he just looks different in the dark. So much softer and less angular, even when my eyes see much better in the dark than his. I must be really almost invisible for him right now though.. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Why would you refuse something that helps you. I mean it's not like it's a sign of weakness. You're in a world where you don't belong... But well, suit yourself," I shrug, or I try to, since he's holding me close to him. I wanted to do something for him for once too but I suppose I really can't give him anything. It's actually pretty frustrating. It doesn't stop me taking stuff from him but it does make me feel useless and pathetic...more than I already am. But I guess that's my place in life. Somebody's pet or a dying street cat. I'll never be anything else. I'd be lying to myself if I tried to say otherwise. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "And maybe I am. But I do appreciate your care and that you want to help me. Do not think I don't, alright? It's just that I don't want it like this and I don't want you to repay me in any way. I am not a person who would expect grand gestures or doings in return. I am glad to be able to give something freely to someone who needs it. You might not understand it and see it as foolishness.. but it is true. I was always like this. I gave and didn't expect anything in return." Maybe he needs to hear it, to understand it and not to try to return it as if it's a favor. I am not doing him a favor, I am gifting him. I do have a thing for broken things because I want to heal the broken in them no matter the cost. And I also happened to start liking him... because he is unique and he should not let it go to waste. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "If you picked up someone else, he'd probably use you till you bled, sold your secrets and stole everything you have. Because you're too dumb to realize the world is a fucking hell. I still might do it too," I go on. No wonder the Queen wiped the floors with him. He's such a damn pushover. "And maybe I wanna pay you back somehow. I can't really give you any information, you don't wanna fuck me, you don't want me to work for your potions...there's only so much I can do. You can just straight up tell me I am fucking useless and there's nothing you could want from me. I am just a stray cat you felt sorry for," I carry on with my brutal honesty. I usually don't say much. I don't poke in other people's business. But his business has become mine now. And as the drug woke me up a bit from my numbness for a while, I am just direct like that. But whatever I say doen't matter. Maybe I just needed to say it. But I know it will change nothing. Nothing I say or do ever changes anything. That's why I so prefer the numbness and emptyness. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Then how do you want to pay me? Isn't it enough for you what I wanted in return? Do you see it as a dumb thing to want in return to have your company? Someone that cares about my existence?" My voice is quiet and cold like stone. Yes, I am angry too now but my anger is not fire, it is a hard stone. He doesn't know anything about my life and yet he already judges me, I didn't expect that from him, that I must admit. "You are not useless. You just don't realize that you are already paying me with your existence every day." I shake my head slowly and my eyes are probably gleaming in the dark with emotion and a hard look. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Well well...I see that you actually have somethig in common with him. Now you remind me of him," I say and I am sure he knows well whom I mean. And that parallel I do not like. If I am ever gonna be with someone like him, and I'd rather not, let him be cruel openly and not sneaky and manipulative. Without another word I go grab my coat. I am suffocating in here now. I need some air. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I get up quickly and without difficulty from the bed since I see perfectly in the dark. He's taking his coat and it looks like he's leaving and something inside of me doesn't want that at all. "Kieran! Alright!" I call after him and this time the coldness is gone from my voice and there is this desperation in it. "I want it, I will take the deal with the potions..and whatever you want to do in return. I just.. I don't want to be your owner. I only wanted to help you.. and I'm sorry if it offended you." I am standing right behind him and honestly I feel like reaching out to him but I don't want to cause him more reminders of that bastard. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "No Siv. Why would you do that. You don't need it, don't want it. I am not trying to manipulate you. I just wanted to do something for you too. But there's nothing I can do for you but being completely obedient," I say, my voice perhaps more empty than usual. I am good at that anyway. Being the good pet... "And I will be...just let me go now. I need to be alone." I don't want to be close to him now. Not after the flashback of my biggest tormentor. I hope Siv is not really like that but he spoke to me just like he used to and I don't like to remember him. But I am still waiting. If he tells me to stay I will. Because after all I am nothing but his good pet... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I would do that because I care about you and it is wrong for you to think I just own you. You are not my pet. And I don't want you to feel like you owe me something..." I am staying where I am because I'd hate to frighten him more. "We will find something you can do for me in return..I just don't know what it is yet, okay?" I am trying to calm him down and not stopping him when he wants to go. "Alright, just be careful and dress properly..." I let him go and I myself don't feel like sleeping at all now. More like not even staying here at all but I will let him go first before I decide what to do. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "There's just nothing I can do, I get it, don't worry. I really have nothing to offer," I shrug and finally turn away to leave. This time the cold winter air is just what I need. Sometimes I just like the cold. Maybe the warmth suffocates me. Maybe I should just stop trying to find someone to belong to, maybe it's all my fault. Maybe I should just stay a stray till I die somewhere alone. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I am only watching him go, I see thatbhe needs his space and to do freely what he wants.. without me telling him what to do. Right now of all times I wish I had a friend I could talk to. Someone who could give me an advice on what to doo or say. I don't want him to see me as a monster or an owner. This is just so bad.. I feel like I lost him and only because I thought I was giving him everything he wanted... I stand there for a long time in the dark and then just slump against one of the trees and hide my head on my knees ans in my arms. This is simply just awful situation. I am able to stay like this until the morning and just wait for him until he returns. I am not even able to think anymore properly...nothing is good as it seems. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro Later in the morning the cats become restless. They didn't manage to leave with Kieran and they are obviously unhappy he's not here. They are calling for him and looking for him and then demanding to be let out. Even they won't stay here if he is not. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I myself am restless without him too and after an hour or so I just dress for outside and head out myself. Maybe to search for him or just wander the streets. I have no idea what to do and what he wants me to do at this point. So I just head to the Hyde park even when I don't want it but I am worried about him and I just have a bad feeling about it. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro You head to the Hyde park and to the spot where you talked to the fairy. She's not there today, but you can see the place she pointed to back then. The half desroyed house with most of the roof missing that is surely the home of the homeless kids. It's possible you would be able to find Kieran there, but whatever you'd find there it surely wouldn't be a sight you'd like. And maybe Kieran is somewhere else entirely, who knows. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I reach the house and think of how to get in and if even I should but my worry for Kieran is much bigger and I just need to. I open the door with an easy magic and step inside. I am trying to be very quiet and maybe even invisible for now since I really want to just find Kieran and not anyone else. I am risking a bit because as it is someone could have already said I am around Kieran too much. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro As you enter you are right away ankle deep in trash. The remaining walls are covered in grafitti and years old posters. There are heaps of thrash and old rags around the walls and you realize with a startle when one of it moves, that it's a boy, about Kieran's age, but he doesn't see you. His eyes are empty and distant and you can see the life seeping out of it. He's just half lying there in the dirt, not paying you any attention at all. You pass him and go through what probably used to be a corridor into the main room of the house. It was probably more rooms once but the walls have since collapsed along with most of the roof. There is just a portion of the room where a bit of the roof is left and that's where the kids are sheltered. Amids the rubble and more trash, the place smells like piss and sweat and many more disgusting things. Some of the kids flee as soon as they see you, jumping out of the broken windows or holes in the wall. Few of them do not realize you're here, just like the boy at the door. They are lying in the piles of rugs or on dirty old newspapers and cartons. And you realize one of them really is Kieran, lying on his stomach, his gray hair in his face so you can't see it but you know him well enough, it's him. Several of the kids though, older ones, are already nearing you with a vicious look in their eyes. "Are you a cop?" One of them asks sharply, in his hand a shining knife appears out of nowhere. You step back automatically crushing under your heel an empty injection. This place is swimming in filth and disease. It's the theatre of the deepest human misery. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro As I reach the upper level of the house I finally find the rest of the inhabitantd of this place. Some of them not seeing me and unconscious and some of them awake and already aware of my existence. And to my painful realization I can see Kieran's pale gray hair, the way he's lying on his stomach makes me almost sick with worry. But I don't have time to act on it because the others are already gsthering on me and even having a knife. I step back in surprise but quickly regain mu composture. "No, I am here for him. Put the knife back and no one will get hurt." I say calmly and show the hilt of my sword. I step closer to Kieran but still watching the others around me. I just need to get him of here. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "What the fuck man? You must be high on some real good shit," he says, but he steps aside a little and so do the others so there's just enough space for you to reach the unmoving Kieran. "Just whatever, take him, but don't come back here. If you send the cops here, you will regret it," he growls then and lowers the knife just a little. He's obviously still ready to attack if you tried anything. It's obvious though that it's pretty much everyone for himself here, since they are just giving you Kieran without question. But in a place like this it's not really surprising... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I don't say anything more to them ans even about what the boy warned me notto do. I do not intend to even go anywhere near here again and hopefully not even Kieran will. I lean down and gather Kieran in my arms gently, not even sure in what state he is but I will find out when I get out of here and I want to get out very fast.Which I do and not even look back while I'm carrying him away from here and outside where I can properly look at him and in what state he is. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro When finally outside and far enough not to be observed anymore, you can check on Kieran. He's breathing and doesn't seem to be hurt, but he is in some sort of unconscious state, whether it's just a drug haze or there is something wrong is hard to say. Either way he doesn't react in any way to anything that's happening. He's dirty again and all in all looks so much closer to the way he was when you first met him..as if your argument just turned back time on him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I go farther from the house where I can assess Kieran's state. He is unconscious and all dirty. I don't know what made him like this only during one night but our argument must have affected him pretty badly just like it did to me. But I am not searching for stupid weak solutions like this. It makes me angry and also incredibly terrified. I try to send some energy to his body and also something like when I cleared his drug haze before. But anyway I pick him up and without hesitation I start walking quickly to Baal's place. I can only hope he will be home and able to help me. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro Finally you arrive to Baal's house and ring the bell. In a while the warlock opens the door, still in his silk night gown, looking sternly at you and the body in your arms. "Seriously? I don't know why I even thought I could employ a dirty junkie like him. Better find a replacement soon," he growls. "Well I suppose you want me to help him?" he asks with distaste obviously sickened by Kieran's dirty state. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Please help me, Baal. This is all my fault, I can't let him die! I will pay you with whatever you want, just please help him." I am not afraid to show him my despair anymore or my emotions. I know he doesn't care but this is just too much even for me. Kieran is really the only thing that I have left in this world. Let any revenge be damned if he dies. I realize that this boy right here is here and now and he needs me. The fae are eternal and they can wait to be punished. Besides they will find their own undoing soon by themselves because going against the Shadowhunters is a sheer madness. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "He just took a bit too much. He should't die but let me just make sure of it then," he says after a while. There is a warm yellow light coming from his hands as he hovers them over Kieran, whispering some spells probably. After a while he gets up and leaves for a moment to bring you a little bag. "That's jus a mix of my own that should help him regain strenght, just make him a tea out of it. He should wake up soon. But I think this is all useless anyway. He will do it again. And tell him one more problem and he's fired," he tells you, handing the bag to you. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro When Baal is done and leaves to bring something I am just again on my knees to him and caressing his hair. I look up when the warlock is back and take the bag from him and stuff it into my coat. "Thank you, for everything. And I think I'll make him stop finally.. I can't watch him die like this. Here is what I can give you now and I am in your debt, I will pay it later with whatever you want." I nod at him and give him all the real money I have with me before kneeling back and taking Kieran in my arms. I am going to bring him home and make sure he doesn't leave again... I just have to tell him how much he means to me.. he probably needs to hear it to believe it. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro "Yeah sure. Just let me know if you need aything more," he shrugs and lets you leave, obviously relieved when you leave his flat with the still unconscious boy in your arms. You head home and somewhere along the way the three cats join you, Loki meowing in fear and concern for his human friend. You can tell the other two are worried also. They have seen things like this before... Luckily, you're soon home and as you enter, Kieran moves a little. It seems he is slowly waking up. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro As I head home with him the cats join us along thr way, meowing worriedly and I can understand them well. I tell them not to worry that he's going to be alright. We all finally head inside the house and I can feel Kieran stirr slightly. He's probably starting to gain consciousness but I am sure it will need more time for that. I let us in and carry Kieran on the couch where I lay him gently. I hesitate if I should go make that tea or wait for him to wake up. But he will need that tea so I just get up quickly and go prepare it. I have to admit that I'm quite a bit distressed and still very much scared. Even when I already once saw him in a bad state... but this.. this reminded me too much of a death. I make the tea and sit by him on the floor again and get hold of his hand and watch his every breath. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I open my eyes fully and the image clears bit by bit. Huge cat eyes right in front of my face as the ginger kitten is staring at me from up close. He meows pathetically as I move and pull him to my chest so that I can sit up slowly. I frown as I feel just horrible. It takes another moment to realize where I am and that Siv is looking at me too. And holing my other hand. "How did I get here?" I ask slowly and silently. I have no memory of coming back but that doesn't mean I didn't, I sometimes have some blank spots after a dose. I know I took a lot so it's no wonder. I got dirt everywhere, just like the old times... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "No please don't sit too quickly." I caress his face and also control his body temperature. "I was reallyy worried so I went to search for you, we all did.. and I found you and took you to Baal because I was so clueless what is wrong with you since you were unconscious. He helped you and then I took you back home." I explain what happened and hand him the tea that got already enough cold to drink. "Drink this please..it should help you." I hand him carefully the tea aost to his lips. I am still worried as hell and it's pretty obvious on me. We all are..his cats and me. We love him... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "It's a bit creepy you know, to follow someone when you don't see him for a few hours," I just point out. "I would be fine. It's not safe to...go there. Don't do it again," I ask him silently. I know the kids probably wouldn't be able to hurt him but I don't want him to hurt anyone either. I take the drink from him, some kind of tea it seems, and I drink him like he says, since I feel shitty enough. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Kieran..please don't go there again either. In fact..please stop taking the poison too..I will help you any way I can. I will do anything..just don't kill youself." I plead with him and cares his hair again. "I like you, Kieran..I like you a lot. And I think..that I love you. And I wouldn't be able to bear it if you were gone.." I say honestly and I hope I wouldn't be laughed at and ridiculed for my feelings towards him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I am not trying to kill myself..." I say, maybe a bit surprised, when he almost begs me not to do it. But then again, maybe I am..I mean, I was always fighting so hard to stay alive yet it seems like I don't care if my addiction kills me. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to just fall asleep like that. It seems I can't even decide if I wanna live... But all my thoughts dissolve when he says he loves me. Nobody has ever told me that, not even my mother. "Siv, you barely know me. And all I am to you is trouble. Just...I can't stop. I just can't..." I answer, maybe a little cofused. I mean I guess even if he knows me so shortly it doesn't mean he can't have strong feelings for me but then..it's me...I don't know it's just really weird. Maybe he means it in a way a master loves a pet. It's more likely. More understandable. "And don't touch me, I am dirty," I add silently as an afterthought. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I don't need to know you for eons to know what I feel about you.This fear of losing you, this emptiness without you..my world seems so useless and without reason whenever you leave me. I can't even explain it because I don't understand it myself. And even if you don't see yourself like that, I think you are beautiful." I shake my head and even take his hand to kiss its back. "I don't care if you are dirty or not.. it's you and everything else doesn't matter." I close my eyes and lay my head in his lap and just listen to his heartbeat. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He keeps talking so affectionately about me and even kisses my hand, not caring about my state...I really don't know how to react or what to do in this situation. Never had anyone care about me in any way...and this is just..I don't know...surreal, weird. "Maybe it would be better if I took the talisman off..." I suggest. I know it probably won't help but I just don't know what else to do. He lays his head in my lap and I just keep staring at him, clueless, helpless. And still sick. The tea helped a little but I still feel shitty. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "No, never take it off! It protects you and maybe it is what saved your life now. Keep it and don't think about what I feel." I plead him desperately and now bury my head into his chest. "Just don't leave me..don't leave me." I whisper and hold him around his torso, I can't control my feelings and this is what makes me infinitely afraid. To lose another loved person to death... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Ok I won't..." I promise when he is so agitated about the amulet. He's pressig himself to me, pleading with me not to leave him. It makes me a bit uncomfortable that I have reduced him to this. He seemed so proud and strong when I met him. Scary even. Maybe I am his poison... "I am not leaving you ok? I wouldn't die even without your help I didn't take that much...You don't have to... be like this..." I tell him. It's really unsettling seeing this powerful creature falling apart like this. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Every creature has a weakness..even the more powerful ones. This is mine. I am terrified of losing the people I love and care about. Nothing else scares me much. I am not afraid of my own death or of pain..I am afraid of losing. And losing you scares me to death." I am instantly more calm when he says he's not leaving me so I'm staying like this and talking quietly to him. It is a quite a big thing for me to reveal such fact to him but it only shows my trust in him and affection. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I don't know what to do at all or what to say so I just stay silent. All this is weird and confusing to me. But it's the usual pattern. I find someone who is taking care of me and then I realize I got a pretty hard deal and I bit a bit more than I thought. But at least this is someone who is too kind to me and not the other way round. It's still gonna be a difficult road but who knows...maybe it will for once lead somewhere good. I just stay unmoving and let him calm down. It's not like I wanna move much in my state anyway. And I guess we'll se then what's next. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Do you want to take a bath? I can help you with it.." I suggest him and get jp a bit from him so I won't squish him completely. I am still shaken but I'm trying not to show it to him. He needs me strong and I will be for him. "Finish the tea, it will make you feel better..are you hungry?" I gst up to start the bath and look for something to eat if he wants but I'm still checking on him as if he was going to disappear any second. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Yeah, sure," I agree to a bath because I really am dirty...just like everytime I go back there. "Not hungry though..." I add. I feel too sick to eat now. I am gona be better soon so I'll eat then. At least for now I finish the tea. I can feel Siv watching me like an eagle all the time, but if it makes him feel better...I have no intention of going anywhere...just in the bath and then curl up somewhere. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Maybe later then..There is still food." I say quietly and go back to him so I can get him and help him get up. In fact I just swoop him in my arms as if he weighted nothing and carry him to the bathroom. There I start undressing him without even a bat of an eyelash. I've seen him naked and it's nothing strange to me. "Get in carefully and I will get everything else and help you." I say after I manage to soak him in. I get the salts and soaps with some of the herbs I have here so it has some healing effect on him too. Then I start washing his hair calmly and carefully and also his back. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro Soon I am in the bath and he even starts washing my hair. "Seriously Siv, I am not disabled. I can wash myself," I stare at him blankly. What a sight a fairy knight washing a dirty homeless kid. Is the world upside down? Am I locked in a very realistic and disturbig drug dream? But I probably wouldn't even be able to dream this, it's just too...fucked up. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I'm sorry.. I guess you can. But let me just wash your hair at least.. I like doing it." I glance at him again and rise my hand defensively because I realize how it sounded. "In not a weird or creepy way..I just like your hair." I add quietly and rather sit behind him on a chair and start washing his hair. The rest he's free to do himself so he won't feel violated. I've washed him whole once but I don't want to remind him that now. I remain silent again and I think we both need to calm down a bit and I hope he is also aware that washing his hair will definitely calm me down. I am thinking of how to persuade him on stopping but I guess this will need a little fight with our wills later because I won't stop insisting on it. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "If you must," I say after all. It does feel nice when he's playing with my hair but it just seems very weird for him to wash my hair and stuff. When he was protecting me that suited him more than this maid mode. But I should't be talking about a person degrading themselves, I am a walking talking example of it, so I just hold still and let him do whatever he likes. After all it's actually a natural thing to do for your beloved pet... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I'll let you finish alone then..if you need anything just call, alright?" I turn at him before I leave and just nod. Then I go to the kitche and look outside restlessly. I don't know what to do with myself and I hate it. This is so not me..it's like Kieran cracked something in me and my armor. I haven't felt like this for a very long time and I am quite frightened by it. It could destroy me..it is after all my weakness. I go gather some clean clothes for Kieran and go back to the bathroom where I leave them on the chair and gather the dirty ones so I can wash them later. I need go buy him new coat and some more winter clothes since he got robbed of them. I leave again and then go play with the cats and talk to them a little. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro After I am relaxed enough, I get out and dry myself off. Somehow automatically I go feed the cats first, taking their attention from Siv and then I stay with them for a while, since they really seemed upset. "I am just gonna go rest but feel free to do whatever, you won't disturb me," I tell Siv meanwhile. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "You take the bed, it's early and I'm going to take care of the plants. Take a good rest." I nod at him and smile just a little before I walk up to him and caress his now clean face. I lean down a bit and kiss his forehead lightly before going away from him and into the flat. He needs his rest and he sure knows I will watch over him. I start my usual round, beginning in the trees. I am caressing them and then the branches too, the bushes too and the flowers and even the moss. I am taking care of them all the same way I do with Kieran... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I supress a frown when he kisses my forehead. Before it left me confused, but it didn't feel bad. But after today I feel like he just sees me as a completely incompetent child and that's what his affection is too. I don't know what's his deal but I don't think I like it. I am all for him caring about me but there is a limit. I am a wild child from the street. I really do not want to be babied like I can't even walk by myself. Without another word I go to put back my piercings, since I didn't do it before I left and then I go curl up in my usual spot amongst the plants and the cats join me again. I fall asleep almost imediately, but it's not a calm sleep as I don't feel well. Still..beats being awake. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I finish my round and feel quite exhausted even now but today was quite enough. I drink the potion I got yesterday and sit down on thr bed and look at Kieran sleeping. Maybe leaving him be for some time could be good for him bit I also wish for him to stop and this is contradicting... I lay down too and slowly fall asleep too due to this day and night being quite eventful... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro Even though Kieran usually wakes up very early too, this time hi is still sleeping, eve with his cats. But surely the events of last night must have exhausted him even more than you and he won't be completely ok yet so he needs a good sleep. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro So I eat something and prepare even a little breakfast for Kieran when he wakes up and put a plate on it so it stays warm for longer. Then I gather some of my moths and talk to them. I promised Kieran to teach him and so I shall. He deserves my promises to be true ans not just made up. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro As soon as I move the cats demand I feed them so before I even properly open my eyes I go do that. I still feel a bit sick but nothing new. "Morning..." I say to Siv while yawnig, putting away the cat food. My stomach grumbles and I really am damn hungry despite how I feel so I go looking aroud the kitchen for something to eat and maybe some cofee too. Need to get some energy into me. It's obvious my eyes are still half closed and my mind half asleep. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Good morning. There's some food on the table too. I will make you that tea Baal gave me, it should make you feel better." I put the moths on my shoulder and join him in the kitchen. I just put thr tea on the stove and wait for Kieran to sit down at the table while I put the moths down from my shoulder and wait for him. I also call Loki after I can see his done with the food and promise him some more if he helps me. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Thanks," I say, meaning for the food and for the tea in advance, because I thik it helped yesterday, I am not as crushed as I am usually. And yesterday it was really some ride... I watch Loki as he comes to Siv, he seems to quite like him. It's unfair because I am sure it's because they can talk. I had to work to get his trust. Frigging fae having their life so damn easy, making money out of leaves and magicking their way out of everything. Guess I shouldn't be feeling so bad about getting everythig from Siv for nothing. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I promised you to teach you the animal tongue. We can start today, right now if you want. I just need your permission and also for helping you magically with understanding them. Since you are a bit harder to influence we will have to do it a few times probably for it to be permanent, alright?" I ask him for a permission and already the moths are buzzing impatiently on the table but I know they won't fly away on me. I have treats for them too after that. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "You shouldn't do that," I just tell him because it's a hungry little cat at a table full of food. But then he tells me what he intends. Honestly I totally forgot about his promise. "Yeah sure," I say i my usual tone. Before I'd probably be kind of worried about him putting some magic on me but he managed to persuade me that he is completely harmless. I am not even sure if it's going to work but I see no harm in trying. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I will let you finish your food first, there's no rush and besides working on an empty stomach is never good." I assure him and let him eat and drink his tea while I play a little with Loki and listening to his baby voice. He's cute and mischievous so it's no wonder he likes Kieran. "Alright then.. now I will put my hands on your ears and eyes." I tell him beforehand what I will be doing, after he finishes his food and almost the tea too, so he is not freaked out. I put down Loki who instantly goes to lick the plate clean and I reach over the table to put my hands on his ears where press them nd what I am doing now is not what I do usually but it's something I don't do almost for anyone, I am sharing my own magic with him. His ears should pop and he should be able to hear the voice of the animals or some of it. Then I remove my hands from his ears and close his eyes and press my palms over his eyes, he should be seeing suddenly a burst of colors under his eyelids and maybe even strange shapes. It lasts only a moment before I remove my hands. Now he should be more attentive to animal's sign language. "But now... I need to help you talk with them.. and for that I will have to touch my lips to yours. I hope.. I hope you don't mind that too." I ask him with more quiet voice and I can feel my breath quickening. There's some nervousness in me even this kiss should be for a purpose.. but stil. It will be our first kiss. I am already leaning closer to him and watching him expectantly. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro As soon as I finish, he says what he's gonna do and I nod and quickly take off my piercings again. Wouldn't want him to get more burns again. I put them on the edge of the table so they are out of his reach and can't hurt him and let him do his job. To be honest, I do not like what he's doing. My eyes are already more open than anyone elses and now it feels like my whole being is openning even more, I feel like I am becoming vulnerable, although it should probably be actually helpful just like my sight...but the process is just not enjoyable at all... I don't move at all though and when he stops I can tell something changed in me... I will have to find out if it's for the better. He says what he has to do to make me talk to the animals too and I just shrug as he leans closer. "It's fine," I asure him cause I am really not bothered at all, to me it's no big deal, I don't care much what part of our bodies touch. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro Maybe I stared at him a bit more than necessary but I am already leaning in and catching his chin gently with my fingers before closing the distance between us. I press my lips to his soft ones and it is true what they say, that a kiss is one of the most powerful magic. Especially if you put part of yourself into it. It feels like an electric shock because of all the energy that I am pouring into it and aso because kissing him feels so much better than I anticipated. I wanted it to be a simple innocent touch of our lips but I can't help it and I move mine a little, just slightly caressing his and almost being even able to pull away but I do anyway and I am a bit out of breath. "Now..it is complete. Do you feel any diffent no?" I ask him when we part and I am trying to conceal my slight blush which isn't for him probably much noticable. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Yeah...I do," I nod at his question. It's hard to describe. As if I could see even more of the world. Which is strange as it seems I am already seeing too much. "So...how does it work?" I ask, although already I can feel some deeper understanding of all the creatures aroud us. I am not sure if I just talk to them and they will understand now. Seems pretty surreal even now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro [b}"Let's try then.. you just try telling something here to Loki and he will reply. But remember that you shold watch body language and expressions. Those should in time translate to you too but right now I guess you should get the gist of it."[/b] I explain to him and push Loki a bit to him. I am myself trying to calm down and breathe, I need to focus on our work and education. But I have to admit that I wouldn't be able to forget that kiss maybe never... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Uhm...so, hi. How you doing today?" I ask the first most simple thing I can think of. The kitten seems confused for a moment but then he meows at me and I understand that cats don't talk in a way people do. Somehow I've expected him to just say: fine. But what I uderstood was something that sounded like: safe or comfortable. I guess he likes it here and feels good here, that's what he's saying. I suppose my understanding is not as good as Siv's but it's still totally incredible... "That's really weird. But I guess it's cool...Thanks.." I turn to Siv. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "It really works! I wasn't surehow mhch it would on you for the first time. But it's not a problem..now try here with Alistas, she is quite communicative. With them it is more about the magical understanding nd you hear the buzz and the whisper of their wings." I take gently one of the moths into my palm and bring it up into his eye level. Alistas likes Kieran so I should hope she will start talking to him by herself. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Yeah...I can uderstand," I tell Siv and I am frowning a bit even now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Alistas! This is not something we like to talk about during the day or any time other!" I scold the moth and put her away and she just flies away, muttering slightly about us being able to only listen and not do anything. "I'm really sorry for that..they are just worried and not used too much to someone else. But you see..it is quite easy to understand them." I hope it works even better later and he won't get disinterested after this attempt. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "It'sok...she meant well..." I just say but it's obvious I am glad she's not speaking anymore. "Thanks for the lesson...It's cool to understand them," I asure him. My first thought is that now I wouldn't really need any any but my cats if it came to it...but in the end I've always preffered them even if we couldn't talk so easily. "So...what's next?" I ask. Not sure if this is all he intended or what, or maybe he has more plans. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I am glad it worked, I am keeping my promises. We will try again in a few days. In the meantime you can tell me if you understand some of them better." I smile at him and his next question surprises me a bit but when someone asks me something like this my inabilty to lie is going against me.. "Next...can I kiss you again?" I ask with much quieter voice and my heart speeds up again. No.. I just can't stop thinking about it and the way it felt. I just hope it won't offend him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I am a bit lost in thought about my new ability when he answers my question. I don't let my surprise show, but I am surprised. I thought he's not interested in that...but maybe I was wrong. And anyway it's probably the only thing I can give him after all so... "Sure," I say calmly. I really have no problem with it. Actually I've expected it since he took me in, but he didn't do it for that reason like the others. In his case it's different than with the others. He cares about me, even if it's in a questionable way. So it doesn't even feel like such a chore to let him do what he wants. If I had a dose in me now, it might even feel nice I think. But he would hate that anyway. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He pulls me closer and I move to him, sitting on his lap, face to him. I let my tongue slip through his lips, my kisses may lack passion but I make up for it by knowing what to do and what feels good. I had time to learn. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I am keeping this to kissing though and caressing his back, not taking this any further yet. I don't feel like rushing all of it so much. After a while I am pulling away but kissing his jaw and face affectionately before pulling him into my arms completley and burying my face into the crook of his neck. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He hugs me and I just let him, for a while, we just stay that way and it's quite calming. "Do you want me to do anything? I will do whatever you want me to," I ask. I am not very fond of blowjobs but of course guys like them. But I no longer mind it's just normal like anything else, although I don't mind at all if they don't want them. But if Siv does I will do it for him..or anything else that he might want. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "No need..this is just fine, it's nice to hold you like that." I reply to his question and nuzzle his neck gently, catching his natural scent and also realizing he actually smells like forest. Like earth and grass and moss, it's so very nice and it makes my heart swell with affection. "I like you Kieran, more and more with every day and even despite your flaws. It makes you who you are." I caress his back again and kiss his neck gently. I would be able to stay like this fora very long time and I only hope he doesn't mind. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Ok," I just say. If he just wants to hold me and kiss me, I am quite fine with it. Then he tells me again he likes me and I am not really sure what you're supposed to say in such situations. "Thanks...I guess..." I say patheticaly. I am still confused about his affection, but well...I should be glad he likes me...in any way he does. Even if he knows me just a little, he still knows me more than most people I've ever met. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "You're welcome." I rise my head and smile up at him, it is obvious I feel quite happy right now. I lean up at him again and kiss him, it's like I can't stay away for very long. But my kiss is again gentle and with no hurry at all, just enjoying his lips and the moment. I've never been with anyone because I like them like this, I've had intimate relations with few fae but only casually and without much emotions. This is is a first time for me to like someone so much even when he is so flawed but maybe it is why I like him so much, he is not perfect and just human. Fae are always so flawless and seemingly perfect and this is a nice chane from it all. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro We kiss for quite some time but part again even when I don't feel like I had enough. But I want to look at him and see if he's okay with it. "I feel happy when I have you in my arms. You've become more precious to me than I predicted..it is like as if my heart is doing what it wants and I am just falling for you. There is no particular reason why and at the same time there are thousands." I am looking up at him and caressing his face and hair. "Are you alright with it? I hope you won't think I'm creepy or something..I don't expect it to be returned..just accepted." I smile slightly at him with hope in my eyes that I can expect at least that from him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro After a while he parts a bit again to talk and it seems he understands well about me. I am glad it's the case because it just would be a big mess otherwise. "Why would it be creepy...yeah I don't uderstand why you like me but I don't have to. I have been treated like trash by all of my...lovers, if I can call them that, so it's nice to be treated well for once," I shrug. Acceptance is absolutely no problem. I actually even kinda like him, despite the fact he can anger me sometimes but even that is probably a good sign because I wouldn't be angry if he meat nothing. But my emotions are vastly incomparable to his...ad probably always will be. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I am sorry for any of my behavior...I just don't understand it myself still completely and it sometimes scares me I will lose you too soon.." I bite my lip slightly and lean up to kiss his lips shortly. I guess me being in love is a very much new thing to me too. It will need some figuring out and getting used to the knowledge itself. But I am happy he's accepting me for what I feel. "How are you feeling though? Can I do something for you?" I ask him carefully and a bit of worry shows again in my gaze. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He kisses me again, I guess it's gonna be a regular thing now but I don't mind, at least something I can give him.. "I am ok. I think the tea is helping," I say and it's the truth, usually I am pretty sick the day after, now I just feel a little nausea and a bit cold. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I am also sorry it had to happen and for the fight before and treating you like this. I just...I didn't understand but now I know I have to make you feel like you are on the same level with me because I do respect you that way and I don't want you to think anything else." I am talking quietly and caressing his back, feeling my heartbeat quicken again. He is really precious to me and I myself mistook my feelings and actions for something else. But I guess I had to kiss him to understand myself what are those feelings for him exactly. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "It's fine don't worry about it. It was stupid. Just forget it," I asure him. I really don't know why I was so bothered. Or maybe I am calmer now that I know my presence really gives him something and I can do something for him. Even if I don't understand this at all but I suppose things like this are not supposed to make sense. For now I am glad that there is some kind of balance between us again ad I can accept his care without that many doubts. And he seems happy too... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Alright then.. I guess you will need some good rest today? I hope you don't have any deliveries today." I ask him with slight worry he will need to go out and I just want him to stay with me and rest. Even when I am not planning anything in particular, just being with him and in my arms is alright. I can show him some other ways how to speak with animals and the like. I'm gazing up at him nd into his grey eyes and caressing his almost silver hair and wondering how did faith even bring this strange creature into my life. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "We can do whatever you want," I tell him, although in my mind I am already plotting how to disappear long enough at least once today to get a dose. I need to ask him for money again though first. I used to take more doses before starting to live with Siv and it's a bit difficult having less now. And being almost overdosed the day before doesn't stop me. I shake my head a bit just to get rid of those thoughts. I should be a bit more in control. And a bit more grateful, not thinking just about my drug. But it's just really hard. "You don't need to worry so much," I asure him again. I also realize him playing with my hair feels quite nice... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "What about us going shopping today? You need more clothes and new coat. This time we can evrn take things that fit you better and you like." I offer him and kiss his cheek lightly with care, still caressing his hair with affection. "Also some better food than we have here." I add while still prrssing him close to me. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "But I am fine with the coat I have...and the clothes fit fine. I have more than I've had in forever," I asure him. He still wants to get me better things, not realizing that I don't need better things. Having any at all is amazing to me. As if on cue he even says we should buy better food. Seriously, I don't need better. I am fine with anything that chases away the hunger," I tell him but I think it's useless...he just wants to spoil me. Well if it makes him happy... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I know you are fine with everything butt I just feel like giving you more..the whole world if I could." I reply to his words and for a moment there is this adoring look in my eyes as I'm gazing up at him still. It's nice from I suppose that he is this modest and doesn't want miiracles from me but I just feel like giving it willingly to him. He needs to learn that there is a better way of living for him than he was until now... "Let's go then, the coat is the first thing we are buying." I lean up and kiss him shortly before I pat him lightly on the thigh so we can get up. Now I can touch him and kiss him whenever I like I guess...it's a quite calming feeling. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Right..sorry bout that..." I say, feelig a bit guilty, he bought it for me, perhaps I shouldn't be wearing the new one when I go there...it would just end the same way. When he says he'd give me the whole world, this time, I believe him. I still don't know how to act faced with confessios like that. It's just so so surreal. "...thanks? But I really don't need the whole world," I shrug and get off after he gives me one last kiss, so we can get ready to go. I suppose I can get used to this though. Being treated this well. But in my experience things like this never last. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Alright I can give you at least the clothes for now." I grin at him a bit more and wonder when was the last time I even found humor in me and was able to talk so freely with someone. And maybe it's not so strange that we are so different, it's not a first time nor the last time fae has fallen for a human. When we are ready and all dressed, I check on everyone and tell them we will be back later, we head off the house and into the snowy street. I put on my glmour aumathically as I am walking outside the house and taking Kieran by the hand. I don't even think about it anymore since holding him feels so natural for me. We start walking in the direction of the stores and I even pull him to my side so he won't be cold before we buy him clothes. People around us see just an ordinary gay couple of a darkhaired paler guy and a grayhaired smaller one walking side by side. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro As we walk out, I realize I probably already got a bit spoiled because I do feel a bit of the chill now. It's not really bad but I barely felt cold before.... Siv takes my hand right away and I must wonder if we are like an actual couple now. Well something like that I suppose since he likes me and I am fine with it. It's pretty amusing how Siv doesn't care about people looking at us. Although in here, nobody really judges gay couples much. I was way worse off as a homeless kid. Now I am ejoyig the fact nobody is trying to hide their disgust looking at me. I still don't look very healthy but I am clean and in clean clothes and now I am not even wearig my piercings. I must look almost normal... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "These ones look nice, try some of them on. Are they good? I can't tell really the differences people make." I show him a few coats and hope some of them will fit his frame. I won't bother to even give any fake money, I'm not even carrying around much leaves or stuff that can be glamoured into that. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro Soon he chooses a store and he goes to the coats section right away, picking some out for me. "I would be fine with either," I shrug, but then I look at the coats and first I reach out for one that has a bit of a punk feel, but then I realize it has metal decor. Siv likes to hug me now so...not that. I grab a different one than, it's nice, long, black and somewhat elegant. I didn't ever care about looks before but now I can actually pick out stuff I like...weird...I am not even sure what I like. I try it on quickly and it fits nicely, slightly bigger on me, since I am so skiny, but I like it that way. "This one is fine," I turn back to Siv. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "It indeed is, it suits you very much." I say with affection and put the others away. I pick up a nice scarf too and gloves for Kieran too. He needs all this in winter, I want him warm and comfortable. I pull him with me to the cashier where I make them take away all the things that beep and make sounds, then I give it back to Kieran and smile back at the shopping assistants. "Thank you, have a nice day." I nod at them and they just give it to us without any complains. It wasn't even too much of a persuation, humans just get fooled so easily. I pull him to my side again and kiss his cheek and then I realize he's not wearing his piercings. "Your studs..you're not wearing them..do you want to get those.different ones? Do you know a shop for that?" I ask him a bit confusedly since I absolutely don't know about these things. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro We go to the cash registe then and Siv hands the coat to me right away, so I put it on while I watch him just fool the poor cashiers without paying and I frown. I probably shouldn't care much...I did steal when I had to, but that was for survival, this hardly seems fair. "Don't do this Siv. If getting stuff for me means taking it from someone else, I don't need it that badly. You know the big firms that own the shop, sure they wouldn't miss a few things, but the ones who will be resposible are the workers, who just do their job to survive, just like I do. It should bother you too," I say, my voice is still unchanging but it's obvious I am not completely calm about this. "Well I couldn't wear it when you wanted to make out...we can get ones that won't burn you but only if you're gonna pay for them," I answer his question only now, a bit harshly perhaps. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Alright then..but you do realize that the glamour on the money doesn't stay for very long on them right? If you are of course concerned about the workers there then I can make some fake money then..." I incline my head to the side and nod. "I can pay for those even with real money if you want.." I offer him so he can see that his concerns matter to me. Even when this actually surprises me a bit because I wouldn't expect him to be this moral about stealing and the like. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I may be a bum but that only means I know the value of money and I know hunger and everything that comes with it. If you glamour the money it lasts long enough for it to be somewhere where it won't be missed when it disappears. Yeah right I don't have the highest morals in the world but I do have some," I say, perhaps a bit angry. I admire Siv's ability to anger me. It's not easy thing to do. But maybe I just like the idea of him seeing me as a being with some worth. Nobody ever did that. And when he shows signs that it's not true, that he thinks of me as someone lower, it just angers me. "No need... just pay them," I answer his offer. Not even he has enough real money, no need to waste that, he needs it for Baal. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I'm sorry, Kieran. I will do it the way you want it." I nod with respect to him and it's obvious I take him seriously and I will do what he wants from me. I do respect him, I just didn't guess his values to be this high. "And I didn't mean it as a disrespect to you." I pull him to me and kiss his temple affectionately because I just can't stand for him to be mad at me. I should really pay more attention to the way he maybe is without the haze of the drug because that is probably the real Kieran I am aiming for. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Yeah nevermind," I just say to his apology. I don't want to dwell on this. When he hugs me and kisses me I can see in the corner of my eye a few wondering looks but I totally don't care. Actually I kinda enjoy it for some reason. "Ok..let's just go then...we can find a place to get the piercings," I say afterwards. It's better we move on now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Lead the way then." I answer simply and he probably knows I am already in his power in a way. I respect him and love him, and it makes me upset if he is upset too. I follow him wherever he is leading me and wonder what kind of shop besides jewelry shop can sell those things and if it really won't burn me anymore. But also that he would be vulnerable to the other fae now too and that I need to protect him even better. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I lead him to Camden where right at the edge are specialized shops for crazy haircolours and all sorts of punk clothes and allso tatoos and piercings. One of those will have what we need. I head to the shop that I was eyeing on my visits here before and that surely has piercings of all kinds. "You may wanna just give me money and stay outside. Lots of iron in there,"I turn to Siv. I'll buy everything quickly, he doesn't need to go too, he doesn't uderstand it anyway and he'd just feel sick. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Right...how much do you need? Would this be enough?" I give him some larger money glamoured out of some sticks I had in my coat pocket, lucky I always carry some with me. I hand them to him and I am quite curious what he's going to bring back. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Yeah should be enough," I just nod and take the money. I get in and right away tell the guy at the counter what I need. Alternative metal snakebites, septum, eyebrow rings and a few earrings. I don't want plastic, it's just not the same. But I get something that has no iron in it and it looks kinda like steel so I am happy with it. I put them in right away as I don't feel good without my piercings. As I thought there is quite a lot money left over, but I just pocket it. Siv won't miss it. "I am done. Now you should be able to make out with me as much as you want even with my piercigs," I shrug when I come out after not even ten minutes of being gone. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Wonderful, I can really touch you without feeling sick..it suits you." I touch his cheek and then lower lip before bending down and kissing him. It is strange but also nice somehow..I feel the coldness of the metal slightly but otherwise nothing else..very nice. "Okay, since we are here and there are a lot of shops too, do you want to buy some stuff here too and some lunch too?" I ask him as I take him around the waist again. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Well I don't know...I have clothes and I have food," I shrug. I never thought about wanting anything else...well one thing but he knows that too and...I shouldn't be thinking about it now. "But whatever you want I guess...I mean it's not like I have to be anywhere," I say with another shrug. It's not bad, just hanging out with him. And if he wants to buy anything else, I don't mind of course. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Also, food is always better cooked properly and not the stuff I am always making." I chuckle a bit before leading him further into the street and looking a bit in wonder at all the strange shops that remind me more of the shadow world than of the human one. I just hope there won't be any fae around since it would be a best place to hide for some of them... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "But if there's anything you want...Have you never been to Camden?" I ask, since he's looking around kinda curious and stuff. "I got nothing against any food, yours or just..whatever. You know it. Everything is delicious to me. But we can go have lunch or whatever you want. I like hanging out around here," I say with another shrug. And indeed I do seem very much in the right place here, between the punks and all kind of weirdos. I sometimes came here to at least get some chinese if I had some money to spare for food by a chance. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I like the idea of a lunch and I am not much into buying things for myself since I wear mostly just shirts or t-shirts. You can also help me to choose somethig." I shrug and smile at him slightly while sliding my hand from his waist and into mine with ease. I like holding him and like this in public even when I don't really care kf anyone sees us. Well, not some fae at least.. that could br bad maybe. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Sure let's have lunch then or whatever...although there are not really any fancy places here, just chinese stands and stuff," I point out, but we can go eat elsewhere. I don't comment on the last thing he said. I mean sure we may be almost like a couple now but I am not gonna be his darling boyfriend, picking sexy shit for him to wear. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro [/b]"It's alright I don't need fancy places, it's enough if they have something without meat."[/b] I answer him and don't even notice he ignored my proposition. But it doesn't matter, we can do whatever he's comfortable with. I am fine with whatever and especially just being with him and having this nice afternoon and not thinking now about all the horrible stuff that happened yesterday. I wish he would stay with me like this for long, never returning to that dump again ever... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro And anyway we could meet fae anywhere we went so I guess he just has to take the risk. "Ok, let's go then," I say and lead him to where the food stands and so are. Not sure if he will like the food there... but for me it's all good, so he can choose whatever he likes. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro We get to the stands and I order something without meat which is not much here and let Kieran order whatever he likes. I pay for it this time and let him lead us somewhrre to sit and eat our food. I am still mainly interested in our surroundings even when I'm keeping a constant watch over him more like out of instinct now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro Soon he chooses one of the stands and we sit down. It's cold but thay have heaters around so it is fine to sit for a while and eat our food. I really like being in Camden again...although it kinda reminds me of the old times, but I am not bitter. The food is good and the snow looks nice...people are weird, just the way I like it. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Kieran, do you have a place you wanted to go or like going in this city?" I ask him when we finish the food, feeling like abandoning the shopping idea for now, we can do that all later too.l |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro Siv's question awakens me from thoughts but it takes a momet for me to react. "I've had a lot of time to wander around the city. I like it here...like the Thames...I pretty much like the whole city. Why?" I ask. I wonder if he wants to do some sightseeing. It's not the best weather for it... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Although you can learn more about me wherever you want, I mean...you just need to ask," I shrug again. It's another unusual thing for me, someone wanting to kow things about me. So far Siv more like...found out stuff as we went along but if he wants to know anything I am not bothered to tell him. I mostly just don't find anything about me interesting and worth talking about. Certainly not compared to someone like Siv... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Alright, tell me about you more, please. I'd like to listen to anything you want to tell me. Things you like or places, hobbies or just anything really." I smile genuinely at him and bring his fingers to my lips so I can kiss them shortly and affectionately. We get going again and now I'm focused again on him and no one else around us. Even when those people were interesting, they were just strangers and this is my Kieran who is most interesting of them all. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro Then Siv asks me about me but he does it in a whole wrong way if he means to actually get some answers. For a moment I am silenced by that gentle kiss on my thin bone-like fingers and then we get going again, somewhere...it doesn't matter. "There's nothing I wantto talk about really. Nothing really worth saying. I told you about my hobbies already, there's nothig else to tell and the places too..." I shrug. I never want to talk about me. If he asks I will answer but if he thinks I will start just talking about myself like this then I guess he really doesn't know me much. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "And can I ask you about your own tattoos? When did you get them and what they mean or why did you get them? If it's not too personal of course.." I ask after that because when we were at the shop I remembered his own tattoos and wondered again about their meaning. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Ok so...I like warm and dry weather, it's like that when you have no roof and like two walls. I don't care about season as long as it's warm and dry. So yeah don't very much like winter since it's wet and cold. And not very fond of autumn cause it rains a lot," I answer the first thing. I bet he likes spring. He seems like he likes spring. "I like all animals. I even like rats. But my favourites are probably cats, dogs and horses. I grew up around them, helped me not to go crazy," I explain. "Nothing's really too personal, my secrets are not worth anything. I got the tattoo when I ran away from school...and home, as a symbol of my freedom. It was pretty dumb if you ask me. I could have spent the money on food. But I was a stupid kid, had no idea what hunger is and what I am into," I shrug. At least I am giving him the longer answers. I am sure he'll be glad. I owe him at least that. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Did you grow up on a farm or the like? I love all of them too but my favorites are probably deer with their grace and beauty. Do you want to get some more pets now? You know, speaking their tongue will help.you befriend later even the wild animals." I tell him with a little more excitement before getting a bit more serious. "I see. But sometimes the spontaneous decisions are very freeing. But also if you want I can pay you for more tattoos now when you don't need to worry about food. I will even use real money if you want." I offer him then and I am completely serious about it since I think it suits him very much. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "No...but my parents had a lot of land...and stables and kennels...and stuff. Liked hunting. I didn't. But I liked having the animals around," I shrug. "Well I don't think we could fit a horse in your flat, even if it looks like a forest. And anyway, there's enough of us as it is," I answer. It would be great to be able to go riding again but, apart from what I just said, I simply don't believe me and Siv are that long term. I wouldn't want to lose it all again. "Wild animals...cool," I say with at least a tiny bit of enthusiasm, which is hard to awaken in me. But it souds really great. I can be like a wolf boy then, go live in the forest with the wolves if I wanted. "It was freeing. For a while. Before I started to starve. Anyway, thanks but you have little real money as it is so, it's fine," I asure him. It might be cool getting more tattoos, or piercings, but it's no necessity. I can live without. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Yes, you're right. I think we can leave that for much later. But I think the wild animals are often much better company than people or fae so I shall teach you properly all the languages." I nod and smile at him again. He refuses my help with money on his tattoos but I will find something else with what I can please him and not only giving him money for the drug. I don't want him to take it anymore but I can't really forbid him taking it.. "Hmm, alright more questions then..do you like day or night? Sunrise or sundown? Favorite smells or scents?" Maybe my questions for him are a bit unusual but I am myself not really a common person. I wish we could go to a forest, in spring or summer when everything blooms and grows. I could show him my favorite flowers and trees, teach him the tongue of all animals or listen to the birds singing together. I like beautiful alive things and I believe he can be like one again. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He goes on asking me more questions, in quite different direction than I'd expect him to go but I am just gonna answer. "I guess I like night better. I don't think there is much difference between sunrise and sundown...and I've never thought about favourite smells. Guess I like the smell of food, any food...and...forest. I guess I like that smell too," I shrug. I noticed that I like the smell of Siv's flat. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Good, I love the warm summer nights. At these times I always turn almost nocturnal, my sisters used to call me a night wolf." I smile with a little affection at this but it is soon gone since it is useless to think too much about those past times. "Yes, forest is my favorite too. The grass, the earth and all the life in it. The sun in the fur of an animal or in my hair. The fresh air after rain or around the water.. there is too many things worth living for I guess." I look up at the gloomy sky and wonder if I will have all those simple yet distant things again... I wish I could. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Well...you kinda look...well...very night...like?" I try to describe what I mean. He just looks like he was born out of the night with his coloring and all. "Yeah well..I know that, obviously, you wouldn't turn your flat into a forest if you didn't like it. Really, don't know why you even stay in the city, I mean, isn't there a chance they'll get you here just like out there? And you are not suited to be here. But I guess I don't understand it well," I shrug. I know the unseelie are cruel and have a lot of power so he probably can't just do what he likes. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Am I?" I rise my both eyebrows at him and look at him in surprise then I rise my free hand which is gloved now so I let it fall again, it would be glamoured to a pale slender hand anyway now. "I guess I am.. when I think about it. But they were like me too, only their hair was colorful..but I guess I was always the one hiding in the dark, talking more to my animals and running with the wolves at night. It was fitting I guess.." I agree in the end and for a moment I am lost in my thoughts but I'm soon brought back by his words. "The city is still giving me protection, they are sick from it just like I am and they can't move in it so well. Also most of them are not able to grow their own forests like I can, it gives me more energy and power to survive here than any potion can. I am not unseelie, I can create life and help creatures and plants. They can only destroy and decay things. Also the winter is their teritory, they would be in too much advantage if I run into the open now. I can wait until spring if nothing happens and then probably move but until then it's safest for me to stay here and with the help of warlocks which much stronger than their magic." I explain patiently to Kieran and hope he understands. If I was really very keen on disappearing I'd pay a warlock to portal me somewhere on another continent and I would be out of their reach. But I want to stay, I want to watch them fall.. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I see. Well I hope it all works out for you in the best way possible..." I just say. It's pathetic probably after all he told me but I really don't want to get involved more than I already am with the fae business. I hope he gets his wish ad his home and that's all I can really say. Although it will probably mean he will leave but well...maybe he will leave the forest in here to me and it's gonna be good. Better not think too far ahead. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "How old are you, Kieran? I don't know if I ever asked you." This time my question is much more ordinary but I suddenly feel like knowing it and count the years and days from now for him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro When he asks me about my age I actually have to stop for a little while to remember. It's just that...it doesn't really matter to me and it's been long since someone asked. "I am nineteen," I answer finally. I am not asking him how old he is. Few hundred years or something...even though as he said, where he comes from time flies differently...otherwise he probably wouldn't be this...I don't know...good. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "That is so beautiful.. you are still so young." I mumble and catch his face into my palms before kissing him, there on the cold winter street but full of my warmth and affection. I don't know what brought this burst of love and adoration in me but I have so much more hope for him than before and also that he can stay with me for longer. "Let's go somewhere warm, it's really cold outside." I caress his cheeks when I finally detach from his lips but don't stop smiling. I absolutely don't care if anyone is looking at us and I don't even know where we are now but I just feel so dazed right now from my emotions that I might even fly or something... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro After a while, when the kiss ends, he states that it's cold, but he still looks like a shining sun. "No kidding," I say, my eyebrows riding a bit higher, but well, as long as he's happy... "I am not that young," I mumble anyway, because it almost sounded a bit weird, but anyway, I know he didn't mean it that way. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "For me you're really young but it's a good thing. And no, I don't mean it in any strange way. I just find it endearing." I assure him and shrug lightly. I don't know where we are going but I spot a café in front of us and head this way. Maybe they will even have something sweet. "Let's go there." I point at the cafe and lead him inside where as soon as we enter warmth envelopes us and I let go of him so we can sit down somewhere. I order tea and whatever Kieran wants along with sweet little cakes I saw as we came in. I choose again a seat near the back where is a sofa and less people and I can't resist to pull Kieran to me when we sit down. I am still smiling and happy, maybe for no real reason but I still am since I just like being wih him like this and now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro We go on together, Siv cuddling me up to him, till ve get to a cofee house. I guess he has the munchies again. We go in and sit in the back, where he pulls me closer right away. It's just strange to be this important to someone.. And I was right, he wanted some cake. Well it's fine by me. "We are pretty far from home now. Hope you still feel like having a walk. By the way, I am gonna go out for a bit longer when we get back, just so you know," I tell him. I have the money now so... And I promised him I'll tell him wheever I go somewhere. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I only wish you wouldn't..that you would try to stop. But it's not that easy, I know. But you don't need it, Kieran..you lived without it before and you can again..." I look up at hi with so much sorrow in my eyes because it hurts to know I will be letting him go add another nail to his coffin. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I can't...I can't anymore. You saw what happens when I don't take it...it's just as bad as when I take too much...it's hell and I am weak. With it I feel good, I feel strong, nothing hurts. I can't give it up..." I say silently. I know it probably makes me a coward and a weakling but it's the truth. And what does he care. I will die...be it sooner or later. He will live much much longer. So what does it matter to him... Even if he really took care of me for the rest of my life I'd still be too weak to give my drug up...even though I may now really have no need for it...but that's how I am. I am too deep in now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "It is hell but I can help you overcome it and I already seeked out help. But it is only in the case you are willing to accept it because I don't want to force you. I don't want you to hate me...tht is the last thing I want." I caress his hair lightly with affection, sorrow still in my eyes because I am just not yet prepared to lose him. "You can be strong and feel good with me. There are other things that can give you this...like love and happiness." I am whispering to him and it's evident how much of it I already have for him and I don't need to buy it for money. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Look...happiness and love are things I will never feel. There is nothing in me, I am just...empty...The drug makes my life bearable, it gives me energy, sometimes even good mood...without it, there is just misery. There's nothing that would make me stop. I know it's making me pathetic and all but...its still better for me to continue. I am not gonna go through that hell for nothing...let's face it even if I got clean, I'd fall back into it sooner or later, I just know it. So why bother," I shrug. I know he's woried but it's really not such a big deal. I just need it..I do. I need it. And I know it makes me weak ad eats away my skin but...I still need it. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I don't think you are empty.. but as I said, I won't force you. I just believe in you and I will be here if you change your mind." I say after a moment and rise my head again to look at him. He really believes himself to be this cold and empty, but I've seen different things. He has feelings, he just probably doesn't like them and especially using them on people. I don't say anything else after that and just hug him around the shoulders. I may be disappointed but I still like him a lot and like being with him. Might as well enjoy it before he goes away again. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Thanks...and sorry, but I don't think I am gonna change," I say, feeling a bit guilty actually. I mean...I can tell he cares about me. But nevertheless, I am not gonna change my mind. And I am not gonna lie to him. "And look if it bothers you ad you want me to leave or whatever just say so, you know, cause I am living in your house and taking your money so..." I shrug. He is still hugging me so I don't think he wants that but still. He looks pretty down now. Maybe he thought I am more than a dirty junkie and now he's realizing I am not. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "No, no..I want having you around even like this. It's better than not at all." I quickly reassure him and kiss his temple. "Don't worry please. I am alright with it and won't kick you out for it." I caress his back and shoulder too. I am silent after that and a lot is running through my head because maybe I should just accept the fact that he will die soon and I can't do anything about it. The only option is to go against his will but this is something I don't want to think about. It would be selfish and probably not even a deed of love. If he is happy with it then be it..I will try to endure it, nothing is perfect. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Ok then...but you know, it's fine. It's your flat," I shrug. I just know he will leave me out sometime again and I am fine with it. Of course the later, the better, but still. He goes silent after, although he's still holding me, but I let him with his thoughts, he probably needs to think for a while and I don't mind. I probably should have told him later, back at home, so that I wouldn't make his mood this shitty, but what's done is done. He has to accept this anyway. I wish I could have a dose now and had that nice high feeling of everything beeing good. Right now I just feel kinda guilty and uncomfortable. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Let's go home, the cats probably miss you already." I smile at him and kiss his forehead. I don't like this tension between us and I also don't want him to see me this upset, I don't like showing too much how sad it makes me. He should be happy with me and content, not guilty and upset. I get up and hold his coat for him before I dress in mine. We leave the cafe and I take him by the waist again so I can hug him to me, I still like him the same, even with his flaws. He is who he is even when I wished him to at least stopped killing himself. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I am sure they are ok without me," I just say and let him help me in my coat. I guess I messed this day up, but well, that's me. I don't wanna lie to him and I am not gonna change. As we leave, he pulls me to him again, so I guess he's not really mad, although his disappointment is probably worse than that. I stay silent as we walk home. I suppose it's better that way. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Are you going to stay for a bit or you'll be going now?" I ask him when we get back inside and I shrug off my coat and revel in the warmth of the place. I don't want to force him to stay but it is true I'd like to prolong his stay before he disappears for so long again. And the worry is also starting creeping up on me, the memory of the last time is way too fresh for me still. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro As we come back home, I put the coat back o the hangar and greet the cats that come to me, probably mostly hoping for food, although I can tell now that they say they are glad I am back. "I'll just feed the cats and I'll be going," I say, taking off my shoes for a bit to do just that. It only takes a moment and I am back at the door with my bag and putting my shoes back on. "I'll be back today if I can, ok?" I turn to Siv, waiting for him to dismis me. I can go under deep and wake up in the morning, it happens, but I'll be careful not to take too much so I can come back and Siv's not worried. I'd hate him to come there again...The kids are gona be mad at me for bringing a stranger as it is. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Be careful please and come back soon. I will be waiting for you." I lower my forehead to his and bury my hand ito his hair before kissing him, deeply and with longing that already shows how I'll miss him. It is horrible in a way how attached I am becoming to him and how quickly he's changing my world. But I don't even want it any other way... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I'll try..." I promise, not knowing what else to say. I mean...I just can't... I give him one last unsure look, for a momet it seems I am gonna say something else, but I don't. I turn away and get going. At least, I'll really try to come back soon, if I can. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro This is becoming harder and harder, letting him go and doing what he wants. But I keep telling myself that I can't be selfish and I should do really what he wants and make him just feel wanted and welcomed. Maybe the day will come and he will even feel something for me, maybe I can just envelope him in my love and protect him from the whole world. Love can do miracles they say... I stay there staring outside of the window until one of the moths don't fly near me and I snap out of my thoughts. I decide to just pay attention to my friends here and distract myself this way from all those painful thoughts and feelings. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro It's dark a long time when you hear the door open and close again. It's not terribly late but it has been a few hours since Kieran left. Even so, it's probably soonest he ever came back. As he comes in though, you instantly pick up the iron smell of blood and even from the door you notice there is dried blood on Kieran's face and hands and some wound is still bleeding, making his hair sticky with red. There is an unsightly bruise by his eye, almost like the one he wore when you first met him. Without a word, he heads to the bathroom first, probably not even seeing you right now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Kieran? What happened to you?" I am instantly at his side in the bathroom and inspecting his bruised bloody face and also his state of mind. I hope he's not hurt somewhere else or internally, that would be really bad. My fingers are very careful and it's obvious how worried I am for him right now. "Who did this to you and why? Please tell me everything." I ask him and it's obvious I'm keeping my emotions at bay because there is rage rising in my chest towards whoever did this to him. No one has a right to touch him like this. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Just got in a fight, no big deal. Happens a lot," I tell him, thinking, if I should just leave it at that or tell him the truth, that it was pretty much his fault. But well...I guess I better tell him something, before he decides again that it's a good idea to pick me up. "Please don't go back there...like ever. They are really mad when someone brings strangers. Cops could come and that would be really bad. Not to mention you could get stabbed," I tell him in the end. I swear under my breath, separating the blood crusted hair from my bloody ear, where an earring is obviously missing, torn from my ear, which is still bleeding. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "No, you don't go there anymore. They are no match for me, I am a skilled and fast but you can get stabbed. If you need to get your dose, you do it here, I promised not to pull you out from it or I can just leave you alone but...don't go back to that place, please." A tone of desperation is in my tone and I start washing out his hair too and bleeding ear. I reach for the healing herbs in the bathroom right away and start threating his wounds. Then I just stop for a moment and look at him with so much worry in my eyes before I kiss his forehead a few times and put my palm ove his eye with healing energy emanating from it so I can heal his black eye as much as I can. I press him into my arms and close my eyes, bury my face into his hair and my whole body starts emanating healing power into his. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He starts treating my wounds and then pulls me in his arm and I can feel the energy he's giving me, but even though it feels good, I push him away almost immediately. "Don't do that. You refuse to take more potions, so don't waste your energy on me. It's just a few bruises, I've had way worse," I tell him, pulling my hair in a big ponytail for now, so it doesn't get more blood in it. "And I just don't want to do it here...it doesn't feel right. I have to go back anyway, to buy more..." I add. I can't believe I am taking to him about this... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I'll take the potions more if you want, just let me help you. I hate seeing you hurt like this." I take his hand at least and kiss away his wounds. "It's not the only place where you can buy it, no? Or I can buy it for you, you don't need to put yourself in danger so much... I don't know, it just makes me scared to know that every time you'll be in so much danger." I frown and caress his face and neck worriedly. I hate seeing him hurt and I feel like curing him from it all immediately, even when it would exhaust me. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Look Siv, I really appreciate you caring for me. I really really do, nobody has ever done that for me before...and that's why I don't want you to get mixed up in this. Please just let me handle it ok? I have been on the street for years...I have been beaten, stabbed, slashed, got my bones broken. I am kid from the street and I know how to take care of myself. Just trust me a bit ok? You have your fairy business and I have this. We both need to deal with our own mess. I'll be fine, really," I try to asure him, while I take a few tissues to stop the bleeding from my ear. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Alright then, but even you being from the street doesn't make you a hero so remember that. I want you to be careful and not get too mixed up in all this anymore. Also.. did you take off your amulet? I didn't feel anything from it.. it protects you, Kieran, you have to wear it exactly for situations like this, even when I won't be able to go help you, it should help you be less vulnerable..." I immediately search for his amulet around his neck to see if he has i to or not. If he's ignoring even this attempt of my protection then I don't know how else can I help him and stay out of the way at the same time... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro " I never considered myslef a hero, only thing I am doing is living my life and trying to stay alive," I tell him. Seriously, what a load of crap. "I wear it all the time, I just took it off for a moment when I went out this one time. I didn't want you to come back there, it would be really bad for both of us," I say. I left the amulet in the coat. I'd never take it off if it wasn't for the incident last time. And good thing I did, because I bet he'd come running again and as much as I appreciate his care, it would be very messy if he tried to intervene. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Kieran! Don't ever take it off! I will promise you not to go there again but you just have to wear it so I can be a little bit less worried about you." I am dead worried right now because this could have ended very badly if he got in even worse fight than this. Our lives are bound with it and it protects him from a big harm or life threatening situations. I hug him again and don't care about his protests anymore, my heart is beating wildly with worry and I just need to calm down. I need to feel him in my arms and with me, to know he is alive and he will be okay again. I am just so scared he will do something really stupid one day... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I'll wear it ok, just don't act like I am glass. I know how things are out there, I know how to take care of myself and protect myself. If you don't let me do my thing then you may just make everything worse. I promise I'll be ok so..." I say, while he's hugging me. I can't help but think again about how is it even possible that he feels this way about me. How can he care so much what happens to me. It's so strange. I'll get him a potion tomorrow. He's just so damn stubborn. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Are you hungry? I can make you something.. and I'll make you that tea from Ball, it helped you a lot." I might be a bit dotting over him but I can't help it really, he is just very important to me. I also lean down to peck his lips lightly and then with a sigh step away a bit so I can give him space to breathe and do what he wants now. He might want to take a bath so he won't want me to be there for that... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Yeah, sure, I'll eat, but I am gonna wash out the blood out of me properly first," I say. It's still such a luxury for me to be able to take a bath whenever I want. And I mean to use every chance to do it. I am so used to go days and days with dried blood and sweat and worse on me...it's great, so great, that I don't have to anymore. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I'll be in the kitchen." I answer quietly and go there to start preparing his meal. I am still too nerve wrecked to eat anything so I just prepare some warm ham and some potatoes and eggs. He's not a picky eater so it shall be enough for him I guess. I also make the tea for him and put everything on the table. The cats are excited by the food so I give something to them too and they keep me company until Kieran is finished in the bathroom. They are also a bit worried about his state but used to it more than I am, telling me too their friend is a tough one to kill. I guess they are right but to me he will always seem very fragile and vulnerable. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I go to the door first to take the necklace out of my pocket and hang it back around my neck, hiding it under my shirt. When I come to the kitchen, Siv already has the food ready, so I sit down to eat and drink the tea. "By the way. Don't know if it means anything to you...I have seen a fae I don't know in the Hyde park before. He didn't talk to me or anything but you know, you said to tell you if I see anything out of the ordinary," I say, my mouth still pretty full. I just remembered and it might take his mind off what happened. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "And what did he look like? What was he doing and do you think he belonged to any court? What did your Sight tell you?" I ask him a lot of questions but they are important to me so I can possibly identify him or at least tell from where he is and what he'd be doing there of all places. Well, it's a park and fae tend to gather in the less ironfied places but still... it could be Seelie and it could not, but I am keen to know anyway. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Well my sight told me it's surely someone I wouldn't want to get too close to, but then that's pretty much all fae. Can't tell you if he was of any court but he wasn't like you, looked a bit less human, dark eyes and wings with black hair. Haven't seen anyone but Miri around there in a long time," I say, resuming eating as soon as I finish. I hope I have finally brought him something useful, although I didn't try to hang aroud to see what the fae came to do there. He was quite close to the house so maybe he tried to play a trick on some of the other kids... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I don't know him but he sounds Unseelie. Stay out of his way though. What was he doing there and did Miri say anything about him?" I ask him again and start flexing my fingers nervously on one of my hands. It is either dangerous or exciting and for now I'm not sure if I should stay hidden or go there to check it out properly. But staying hidden is probably better for now. "If you see him there again, tell me right away when you get back. If he chooses to approach you, just ignore him, he should sense you're under protection." I say in the end and lean back into my seat, thinking of what this could mean. Either it's nothing or the Queen is sending her agents to snoop around. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Haven't seen Miri today, so no idea. Dunno what was he doing, I just saw him walking when I went to the house and I rather went my way, cause you know, not big on mixing up in fae business," I go on. If Siv wants to find out more he has to do it himself. I am fine with protecting myself from people, but despite my sight, I really am not much of a match for magical beings. "Yeah sure," I just answer Siv's directions without much interest. It's not like I expect him to come talk to me but if I see him, I'll tell him of course. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Alright, thank you for telling me. It might be just a passer by and we don't need to worry with him but if not, I'll inspect it myself too. If he causes any trouble as it is. But of course I won't go to the house and cause you problems too." I assure him also about this since he was already so mad at me going there on my own. I will stay away from there as I said and go just in the park in case it is really necessary. "How are you feeling though? Are you tired?" I ask him when I see he is finished with his food and some of my dotting returns. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Ok, good," I just say outloud, before his worry returns. I know he means well, so I am not trying to be annoyed by it. "I am fine...I mean, beaten up, but fine. It doesn't even hurt anymore," I asure him. I am always full of energy after a dose so that helps me feel better too I suppose. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Let's go to bed anyway, your body needs to recover even when you don't feel it." I suggest him and don't see it all as something else that it might sound like. I just want to hold him and have him with me even when he went to have his dose. I said I'd like him even with his flaws and I also want him.to feel welcomed here and nice. I get up from the table and go to the bed, already dimming the lights and leaving only my slightly glowing moths to illuminate the dark as I take off my sweater and stay just in my pants and shirt. My hair is tangled again bit I take only little notice at that since it will never tangle fully. I sit at thr edge of the bed and wait for him to come to me, my eyes glowing slightly in the dark. I am a night wolf indeed. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Oh yeah, sure, if you want that," I say right away and follow him, just petting the cats on the way. I stay in my shirt and pants, at least for now, cause I don't think my body is a very nice sight, but if he wants to do more, than make out, he can udress me himself. He turns off the light and sits on the edge of the bed, waiting for me and I just crawl right to him but I don't do anything. I have misread the signs before and anyway, he knows he can do whatever he wants. I am not tired anyway. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I pull him to me when he crawls into the bed and hug him again as I lay down on the bed, burying my nose into his clean hair and sighing in content. It's the best feeling to have him like this with me here and now, all mine and no one hurting him. I pull the cover over us both and stay like this for some time, hopefully not hurting him in any way. Then I lean draw back a bit and lean down to kiss him gently and lovingly, caressing his face and back. He deserves love and care, maybe it will help him more than any cures or my pleas to stop with it. I just want him to be coming back to me by his own will and to feel here with me better than out there with the drug.. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I let my hands just lie lightly on his chest and I return his kiss just as slowly and lightly. I don't feel very sleepy yet, but I am not saying anything, we can just cuddle to sleep, that's fine. I should go out early tomorrow anyway to do my rounds fro Baal, so a good rest is probably really what I need. I just hope Baal is not mad about the freakout with Siv... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Sleep well, my little one." I whisper to him and give him the last kiss on his forehead before cuddling him to my chest. My heart is beating steadily under his head and probably it could be strange that I also have in my chest such human thing, that I feel such thing like any other human can too. But still here I am and I like him so much, it is so strange even for me. But still, I don't feel like giving it up and with that thought I slowly fall asleep too with him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro As usual, you wake up with the sun, but still, with Kieran, you sleep way more than you did before. Of course, he is still asleep, he really does need all the sleep he can get. And not just him. Loki has wedged himself between you, just to sleep as near to Kieran as possible and Comet is stretched at his feet. Not even the cats are bothered by you waking up. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I kiss lightly Kieran in his hair and caress Loki's little furry back in between us. It's strange how they all became so important to me. I don't understand what possesed me at first when I took him in but I don't regret it even now. I stay laying with him like this because I am not in a hurry at all to get up ans I can stay with him here however long I want. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro As soon as I open my eyes I realize I am surrounded. I am no longer sleeping just with Siv, but also Loki and Comet. Well that's not so surprising. They just took a while to get used to me sleeping with someone they don't know so well, but they are no longer so shy. I reach out to pet Loki, since I can't reach Comet and look at Siv to see if he is awake. But he always wakes up very early. "I've gotta go to Baal and do my deliveries today," I say after a while. Siv needs a new potion anyway and I am still gonna be grateful for any money I can make. I don't get up just yet though, almost as if waiting for Siv's approval. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Good morning, yes I understand. I'll go to the bookstore and buy some more food later." I tell him too and lean down to give him a morning kiss. It is just short but sweet and I just revell in in the feeling of not waking up alone. It's very nice indeed. Then I take the sleepy kitty off us and rise him up and cuddle to my chest so Kieran can get up. It very distantly reminds for a second of the time when I had parents we used to sleep as kids with them. After Kieran gets up I do too and go instantly to the kitchen to make him some breakfast and tea as well as for myself. And also feed the cats of course since they are always hungry. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro Siv seems to be going to get ready our breakfast so I go quickly to just wash my face and then sit down to the table, to have some food before heading out. "I might get back kinda late but I'll come as soon as I can," I tell him and I hope he won't be angry or upset or sad. But I need my dose and he knows it...and he said he won't stop me so... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Alright..I'll be waiting for you here then. And keep the amulet with you, please." I ask him again to have the protection at least with him. Especially if he runs errands today. "And if you see anything today on your errand let me know too.." I add and hope he doesn't run into any danger but I hope he wouldn't. He's delivering things other of our kind need so hopefully no one would hurt the messenger. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Don't worry, I have it,' I tug at the amulet under my shirt to prove it, before I return to quickly devouring my breakfast. I didn't get rid of the need to wolf every meal down as if I am not gonna eat the next day. "I will, I am keeping my eyes open," I asure Siv, although I am keeping them only as open as I can uder the circumstances. In a while I am done eating and I get up to get my coat but then I stop and turn back to Siv. "You wanna kiss me goodbye?" I ask. I suppose it might make him happy. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Of course." I grin, my white teeth flashing like stars against my dark skin before I'm capturing his face gently in my hands and leaning down to kiss him sweetly and lovingly. I put a lot into that kiss because we won't see each other whole day. "Goodbye then.. see you tonight.." I say after we part and I let him go reluctantly, not moving from my spot and just watching him go again... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He comes to me though after all and smiles, so I know it did make him happy. I kiss him back, when he indeed kisses me goodbye. It kinda feels as if I was going for longer than not even one day. "Don't worry. I'll be back as soon as I can," I asure him ad finally go to grab my bag and put on my coat to go out and do my job. I can also use the time to think about some stuff. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro Then I'm off into the cold streets of the city and on my way to the shop. I already feel quite alone without Kieran by my side. It's strange how quickly I got used to his presence by my side. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro By the time you arrive to the shop you are wet and frozen to the bone. "You look like hell," is the first thing you hear in the annoyed voice of your employer. She is catalogizing some books at the counter. "There's not that much work today, but you can sort the orders I've got in the back," she tells you right away. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro When I arrive at the store I am greeted with Flann's usual hostility but I am already used to that anyway. "Thanks, I know." I crack a smile and take off my coat shedding snow from it and my hair in the process. "It's ok, I will help you with anything you want. Also, I heard of a new fae being around..black eyes, dark wings? Ringing any bells?" I ask Flann as I head to the back to get the orders she needs to get sorted. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro You go on helping in the shop for a few hours, before you have othing more to do and you can leave. By then the weather still did not become better, but your amulet is silent, so you know so far, Kieran is alright. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro When I'm done it's already afternoon and the weather is still the same like in the morning. I am worried but the amulet is calm and still at my throat so I can only hope it means Kieran is alright and didn't take it off again... I take two books and less money from Flann as I leave and hide them in my coat before heading back into the snow. I go to some of the shops I already know to buy some food and then head home. It's really not pleasant to stay out in such weather even for me, I don't feel cold the way humans do but I still don't like it at all. I return to the flat, reminding a snowman and immediately sigh with relief to the warmth and slightly humid air of my own forest. I don't expect Kieran to be home yet since he said he will be late so I call out for the cats if they are home so I can feed them. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro You barely even put your things down though, when you hear the door open and close. It's way too soon for Kieran to get back from one of his trips. Perhaps from his deliveries but that's it. Still, it's obvious he is back... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Kieran? Are you back?" I call out for him and wait for him to get upstairs. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Yeah it's me," I say as I walk up and to him. Strage even now, someone waiting for me... "I got your potion, you should really take it," I tell him right away, reaching in the pocket and handing him the bottle. Then I stay staring at him for a while, unsure at how to say the next thing. It's just... "Well I..didn't go to the house," I say after a while of staring. "I mean I gotta go back from time to time but I thought maybe...if you really don't want me going there too much...I could..like do it here. If that's better for you I mean," I shrug. It's really weird to say that, really weird to even suggest it but I feel like I owe him since he is taking care of me. Although I am not sure this is a good thing... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Thank you, I will in a moment." I answer to his concern and it feels a bit nice and warm to know he cares like this. But he is staring at me strangely and I am not sure how to understand it so I just wait and incline my head in question to his stare. But then he speaks and I am left even more confused. But again.. I already offered it to him and I guess I just didn't expect him to really take it since he refused so resolutely before. "My offer still stands so can feel free to do what you need. And.. I am glad you want to stay here." I smile in the end a bit more and step closer to him so I can put my free hand on his cold cheek and lean in for a short sweet kiss. I might hate the idea of him taking it but it's still better for him to do it here where I can take care of him than somewhere cold and dangerous. After I part from him I take his hand and lead him inside into the warmth where I put the potion on the table in the kitchen and then pull him to me again and into a hug, just being glad he is here and safe. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro Before I can say anything, he kisses me and takes me in, where he hugs me and I guess it means I really shouldn't worry about this, because he appreciates it more than he fears it. I let him hug me as long as he wants and when he lets go, I take off my coat. "Ok then I guess I'll just...go downstairs...uhm I'll eat later ok?" I say, but I am kinda waiting for his aproval, before I go. I really hope I will not do anything that would make him kick me out. I usually don't but still, the drug haze always does things to you and it's not always just sitting around and enjoying the good feelings... Not with this drug. I started taking cocaine because I felt more energized and alive after all. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I'll be here.." I manage to smile a little after all but it doesn't reach my eyes where only sadness is hidden. I will wait for him to go before I do anything else, the cats are already fed and moths too. All the food and presents for Kieran can wait then..even until tomorrow if he feels better then. But I will go check up on him anyway because I worry even if he's right here behind the door... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I'll be fine, really..." I tell him, although I am sure it's pretty useless after he saw me overdosed... Oh well...he can check up on me here, I will make sure to hide everything after I am done so he is calmer. His sad attempt at a smile is really rather pathetic and I just grab my bag and get going downstairs, so we don't prolong this moment. Maybe...just maybe it can work this way...he won't worry...and I will be more comfortable after all. Although being alone in my drug haze definitely has it's downsides... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I get up from the table and without any other interest go sit under the tree where I can feel more hidden and alone. I am just staring outside the window at the falling snow, letting the feeling of the trees and grass envelope me. The only sounds are the shivering leaves and the moths flying around with occasional noise from the cats. I pull my legs up to my knees and think of the times when I used to climb the trees and sleep on their branches. There was such calmness and I just wish it would envelope me now when I feel so nervous about Kieran being there and killing himself with his poison... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I open the door and leave it like this, slowly and quietly I descend the stairs, all the while looking around and trying to see with my night vision any signs of where he could have gone. I don't dare to call out to him because I feel like it wouldn't be the best to disturb him. But even if my amulet is silent I am still worried somehow. Even just sitting down next to him could help me to feel calmer, it is maybe creepy or weird but I just don't like this.. and I also don't like leaving him alone... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I found a place on the floor among the rubble that is kind of a nice hideout, but I am visible for him when he comes. I am just getting the rush...everything in me is coming alive...everything feels wonderful and I feel so...ecstatic... "It's ok...you can come to me," I speak to Siv. It would be bad if he came when I wasn't done yet. Now I just roll down my sleeves over the blackened wounds in my veins. And I actually want him here. I want him close. Being alone in this state is just not enough... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I sit down with my knees to my chest again, my hair falling around me like a veil and looking at him still without a word. My eyes are attentive and I am myself tight like a cord with tension inside. I don't know what to expect or not, what to do or not.. I am simply lost and I don't like this feeling at all. There is something evil about this, something I don't like because it reminds me of all those malicious enchantments the Unseelie do all the time. But even despite this I won't leave him and if he wants me there I will stay. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I say nothing, I just wrap my arms around his neck and I kiss him. It's different than any other kiss we've shared. It's not just automatic, trained movement, it's passion and it's want. It's hunger. I am all over him in a second, my breath quickening. I want him to fuck me so badly...and I am sure he wants it too... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "What... what are you doing? I don't understand.. you never.. are you alright?" I am out of breath and words and I simply don't know what to say. I am leaning with my forehead on his and trying to catch my breath or make any sense of what is just happening. He is very much in a mood for sex, I can tell that very well and sense it from him but with me it's not that simple. I know it's the drug doing this with him and I have to decide if I will let him or not because it will be like taking advantage of him... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I am great...really really great," I whisper, breathless. My heart is hammering in my chest,I just want him. I see nothing wrong with it. It's not just two consenting people. He cares about me a great deal and I kinda like him also. Waiting for nothing, I reattach my lips to his, with the same hunger, my hands exploring his body slowly, wanting, craving, traveling up his strong arms. It's the first time I am realizing how well built he is and that he actually looks real good naked. I don't...but I know he wants this for a while probably...and I will make him feel good too... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Let's at least.. get inside.." I suggest kind of breathless but having at least the last conscious thoughts. It's cold in here and dirty, I don't really need any specific place to do this but it would be nice to at least not be in between the rubble and freezing. Take him under the thighs and get up without any trouble with him so I can carry him upstairs where I don't really choose where we end up. The door closes and I drop on my knees in the grass and moss under the trees where I continue kissing him and exploring his body with my hands but letting him do what he wants because I am just enjoying it too much. This sudden attention from his side. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He picks me up to go upstairs, I honestly couldn't care less if we stayed here, but I don't protest. I just hug him with my legs and hold him aroud his neck, not stopping in kissing him, now switching to his neck and collar bones so he can see where he's going. I bite him hungrily a few times, before we are lying in the soft grass ad moss. That's as good time as any to start getting rid of his clothes, so I start pulling his top up, letting my fingers feel every bit of his unique skin. I want this quick, but I also want to enjoy the sensations I feel so strongly right now... But even Siv must feel I am not up for a long foreplay, because my erection is pressiong against him, hot and impatient. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I like his touches and bites, I am not really a vocal person but it makes my breath hitch and I roll him over me so he can do whatever he wants, I can't get enough of this spontaneous Kieran. And also I want to know what he wants and how he wants it to go.. I am still a bit afraid of doing anything he wouldn't want, it's all so new to me.. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro For a while longer, I let my hands and lips roam the dark skinned body. We are such a perfect contrast, him almost black next to my pale white skin. Only thing that matches are the disgusting wounds on my arms. But I am not thinking about them...or all the scars covering my body. I forgot all the things I was ever reluctant for him to see. "Come on Siv. Fuck me, fuck me right now," I tell him breathless, because I can hardly hold out any longer. I need him to touch me, to fuck me hard. It's nice touching him, but right now, I really need more. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "As you wish.." I whisper back to him and roll him over under me into the soft moss. It takes me only a few seconds to get rid of our last pieces of fabric and press our naked bodies together. It's been a really long while since I was with someone like this and probably never with human but I know what to do anyway. I bury one of my hands in his hair and bring him up to kiss him deeply while with my other hand grab him under his bottom and press our hips together with a hot desire that is reaching higher levels with every second. I bring his leg over my hips and then press it almost to his chest before I reach somewhere blindly around us to one of the flowers. I know we need some kind of better friction and lubrication so I reach with my magic to one of the blossoms and create more moisture from it that it's natural. Then I reach between us and enter Kieran with one of my long digits to prepare him properly since hurting him is the last thing I want even when we are in such hurry right now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I'm preparing him thoroughly and feeling the tension in me rise too. He is really beautiful like that, when I'm gazing down at him and watching his face so full of sensations and emotion. I decide that it was enough waiting for both of us even when it took like minute but it felt like an hour. I slick myself this time after removing my fingers from him and start quickly entering him. I hold him to me under his hips, my forehead on his and my long tangled hair falling all round us and sticking to my dark wet skin. I was silent until now but I can't hold back a whisper of his name when I am fully inside of him and a light shudder that runs through my body. It takes only a few moments for me to wake up from the haze before I start moving inside of him and kissing him breathless. I can't even describe the emotions that explode inside of me right now. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He prepares me thoroughly, before he slips his fingers out of me and I grab him even tighter, before he finaly enters me. I let out a little grunt and sigh, but he slips inside me easily and I relax right away, to let him move as fast as he wants. I let go of my dick for now, just pressing him close, letting his body do the trick for now, as I return his kisses in a lewd way, almost just licking his tongue and lips, open mouthed, as my breath quickens even more. I am just letting out small gasps of air every time he thrusts into me, arching my back a little as the tension is growing in my body. I whisper for him to go faster, licking his sweaty neck and biting his ear. He feels so good inside me... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I hug his body and bring it even closer to mine so we become almost as one, moving in sync and quickening our pace. I rise my head again so I can look at him and my luminous eyes are almost shining in the dark of the flat and in contrast to my dark skin and hair. He is so pure and beautiful though, so fragile in my arms... I lean in for another kiss but it's getting too much for me and I'm gasping for air as I'm coming undone and reaching my own high. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He goes faster and I can tell he is gonna come as quickly as I am, but that's only good. Even if this is short, it's doing to me exactly what I needed. As he is looking at me, his eyes shining, he looks more out of this world than ever before. My vision blurs and his eyes are two stars in the dark and all I feel is pleasure. I reach blindly to my own cock again, jerking myself off towards orgasm that is quickly building up inside me with every thrust of his hips. Siv tries to kiss me but I hardly feel his lips. I can feel him coming hot and hard inside me and I follow him a second later, with just a few deep breathless sounds. My body is tight like a string for a while, no doubt doubling his pleasure, before I relax underneath him and just lie there, catching my breath. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I curl around him, tangling my hands into his hair and burying my face there too. I don't know what to do or say so I am staying like this.. actually I just need it, I need to absorb what we just did.. what I just did to him and not feel guilty about it. I feel also this kind of sadness inside because I am not sure how much he wanted me and how much it was the drug. But I love him anyway and maybe I should swallow this sadness and be grateful he wanted me at all. He saw me and not just anybody and that probably counts for something... maybe in time he won't the drug to want me like this. I rise my head then to see how he's feeling and if he's alright, to caress his face and draw back a few strands of his hair that stuck to his sweaty forehead. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro My thoughts are slowly getting away from me and anyway, I don't need to think about anything. I feel nice and nicely tired. So by the time Siv touches my face, I am already asleep, my arm splayed over him, my body limp. I am not one to cuddle after sex and I just need to rest. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I lie down with him again and with just a wave of my hand dim all the lights. I don't really feel like moving from here and we are both warm enough so there is no need to cover us. I am used to sleeping naked in the grass, have done it for the most part of my early life. Ans again, while falling asleep with him in my arms, I wish for us to be back at my homeland where we could make love until eternity and sleep under the stars all we want. With this dream I drift off into sleep surrounded by Kieran's warmth. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro Siv seems to be sleeping too and I watch him for a while, wondering about him...I guess I just can't compare him to anyone I've ever known before... I've never been this cared for and adored. I guess it's a good thing after all that I stayed here and we did it. I am sure he enjoyed it. I slip out of his arms carefully and then head to the bathroom. I am all sticky and gross and I am really glad I can have a shower here whenever I want. Only now I realize we didn't use a condom, but I know Siv is not sick, so it's ot such a big deal anyway. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "How are you feeling?" I ask him as I enter the bathroom after I hear him being done washing. I'm only in my boxers since I intend to wash too but I waiting for him to be done too and I'm leaning in the doorway, my hair still a mess and even a twig or two are tangled in it. I seriously need to take care of it. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I am good, just hungry," I tell him, while drying myself. "Your hair looks shit," I say right after that, it's not very fairy like to have all kind of crap in your hair. Although I guess it's also not very fairy like to fuck homeless junkies. I am done drying myself in a while so I toss the towel aside and go to find something to wear. "All yours," I tell Siv, as I assume he is gonna wash up next. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I'll make you something in a moment or you can take whatever I bought at the kitchen. I'll be done in a moment." I tell him after he's done and already on his way out. "It happens when it's this long and one is rolling around on the ground." I chuckle silently with amusement over the situation and actually I'm glad there's this light feeling in my chest suddenly and all this guilt from before disappears. I go right away to wash properly and mainly my hair. I am done soon though and brushing my wet hair with my fingers before tangling it high on my head with a band into a ponytail. I'm already looking for Kieran in the kitchen and feeling hungry somehow myself. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro After that I leave him to use the shover while I go raid the fridge. No chance I'd wait for him to make something. And he doesn't have to anyway, I'll eat anything. He doesn't take long in the bathroom and soon, he joins me. I am still stuffing myself by then of course. "You better hurry or I won't leave you anything," I say, but it's not quite true of course. He eats mainly fruit and stuff and I eat mainly meat so there's always enough left. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "I'm sure you are not enjoying my kind of food that much so I'm not worried." I smile at him and go grab some apple I bought since I just feel like having one, I'm not that hungry in the end. I lean down to kiss his temple affectionately before sitting down at the table and watching him eating for some time. "I brought you something, thought you might like it." I take the package of two books in a paper and push it towards him on the table. It's something he would enjoy or so I think since Flann recommended me those too. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro But I get more because in a while, Siv pushes some package to me and I look at him even with a bit of real attention instead of numb indifference for once. "What is it?" I ask but I am already opening the package. I don't remember asking him for anything, but he still wants to give me stuff so I suppose it's just a random gift? And that turns out to be books...wow it's a while since I had something to read. I study them to see what they are and what they are about. I am actually pretty glad to get books...I have plenty time to read after all. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro I am still just still watching him looking at them and thinking bow I shluld get him presents more often. " I'm glad you like them then." I smile even more and reach for his hand across the table to squeeze it and bring it to my lips for a short kiss before letting him go again and eating slowly the rest of my meal. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Well..thanks," I say after all. He takes my hand and kisses it, always so gentle with me... "You into stuff like this?" I ask him, looking at the books some more. I've never read something like this, to be honest, didn't even think much existed with this theme. But I wouldn't be surprised if it was Siv's style cause he's just kinda the romantic guy. Not much of those. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Never read ones lime those. I like tales and stories of the past and even more the ones humans told in between each other and to their children. They call them fairy tales but often they are not about fairies at all. I find them amusing and entertaining." I smile genuinely at him and get up to make some tea too. "You know, fae have their own tales and myths. Telling them to their little ones but often in between each other too. We are after all made of dreams and magic." I turn back to him and grin shortly before I return to the table. "Do you have a fairytale that you liked as a child?" I ask him when I join him at the table and support my chin on my hand, gazing at him curiously with my luminous eyes. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Doesn't every culture? I shrug. Of course fae have their own myths and stories. Full of lies no doubt as they are despite their inability to tell lies. They are so good at hiding them... "Nobody told me fairy tales, I did't read any. I don't even know many of them. Just like the most known ones I've heard about in school and stuff. So I have no favourite," I shrug. Just imagining my parents reading fairytales to me is ridiculous. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "That is really sad actually.." I frown a little and look at him with worry. "Humans are supposed to dream..that's the most beautiful thing about their minds and hearts." I get up and stop the stove to prepare the tea. "Then I know what books to bring you next time if you don't like these." I smile at him when I get back with the tea and put it between us, his is the strengthening one. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I told you. I don't dream and I am not beautiful," I shrug. I guess it might be seen as sad I didn't get to read fairytales as a kid and I didn't have a normal childhood in any way. But what use is regretting shit you can't influence. I am what I am. I am not Siv's dreamy human. Still he is hooked on me like this... "I lke these just fine. I used to read trashy shit I found in the dumpster. I am sure these are better," I asure him. Although I sure won't mind if he brings me more books. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "You are beautiful, you just don't see yourself the way I see you. But that's alright.. it's what I am here for after all." I smile back at him and reach across the table to caress his cheek with my fingers lightly. "Alright, but tell me if you don't like them. I will find some tales instead, the Welsh or Irish ones are amusing. Also I like the ones from the north of this world." I smile fondly just talking about them, slowly drinking my tea and thinking for a moment again. "Do you want anything more to eat? Are you tired?" I ask him and I hope he's not, we could just talk some more.. I like talking with him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro He insists that I am beautiful to him and I just wave my hand as a way of saying: yeah I know and it's bullshit. But by now I think he really means it and...I don't know. I got mad last time but now it's just...Siv's thing. "I ate enough thanks. And I am not much tired. The nap was good," I answe when he starts with his worries again. The nap the drugs the sex...it was all good. Just the right combination of things today. So I feel good and perhaps even a bit more friendly than usual. Perhaps. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Good.. I feel energized as well. Do you want to learn some more animal language?" I ask him as I finish my tea mostly and get up, extending my hand for his so I can pull him to me. It would be the best to be able to go into a real wood but there are other places in the city where we can go to see animals.. we just need to be very careful. Fae live at all kinds of places and not to be seen is the key point. "How do you feel about learning wolf today?" I ask him and my eyes have this excited glint in them, but I am keeping it at bay because it's up to him. "Although if you don't feel like going out, we can do it some other day and stay here." I assure him because he might not be up to it for today. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Yeah sure," I answer to his offer. It's cool whenewer I catch something and it's cool I understand better what the cats say but it's still surely miles away from what Siv knows. "Wolf? Yeah sure, gonna be useful," I add although I wouldn't mind staying in but I don't mind going out either. I let him pull me up although it's totally unnecessary but I guess it makes him happy. Like all those little things. "It's fine with me either way," I shrug at last. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Great, let's go right away and be back soon." I grin at him and pull him to me for a short excited kiss. "Dress well, I don't want you to freeze." I rub his shoulders and kiss his forehead before I myself go dress some more too since I don't like the chilly winter outside. Doesn't matter how much I feel it or don't. I wait for him to be ready and when he is, we head out of the house and I look around for a bit before I start heading to where Regent's Park is. "Have you ever been to the London's Zoo? I am trying to avoid such places since fae could occupy them with more probability.. but we won't stay too long in there. Besides many of them don't really like the wild animals as much as I do." I smirk a little and take his hand in mine as we walk. It already became a habit to hold him and I am not even thinking about it anymore.. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Don't worry mom," I answer to his worries, although to be honest, my mom never cared if I am warmly dressed...he cares. I guess it's kinda nice or whatever. We go out and he takes my hand again. I never even pay attention to it anymore, he just does that every time. "Never been," I say when Siv mentions the zoo. Obviously. "They don't? I'd think they do...I mean you'd think they go to the forest to feed the little deers and then stab them through the eye or something," I shrug. Fae just seem like the animal kinda creatures. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Oh, well.. Unseelie might do such things but Seelie not really. You might not believe it but some fairies actually do live in harmony with the nature." I nod my head in confirmation to myself. "And even an Unseelie knight wouldn't for example engage in a battle with a tiger. Those animals are not known to us from the wilderness around, they come from strange countries and faraway lands. We fear the unknown and much more powerful and we know our limits." I answer him a bit more seriously again as we are already half the way there. "I tried talking to some of the bigger animals but they don't seem to like me much.. I am too foreign to them too." I shrug with one shoulder and pull him closer to me so he won't be cold, always caring for his comfort. When we arrive at the park, the snow is of course covering everything and I am pretty sure most of the cages are closed and the animals are inside in the warmth. Only the snow leopards and such are enjoying the cold. There is a huge entrance to the zoo and guards around it, so much iron too. I don't like it at all. "We will use some other way to enter, I like brick walls much better." I shudder with disgust over the iron gates and lead Kieran away and around. There we stand and gaze up the high wall. "If I remember correctly, somewhere around here should be just some garden or bird cages." I look around once again and then cast glamour over us so we will be invisible to the human eye. "Hop on my back, I will climb the wall and get us over it." I look at Kieran and lower myself so he can do as I ask of him. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "I wonder if there are fae in like Africa and if so how do they look," I think outloud rather than talking about the more grim part of my thoughts. "Guess they are too proud to talk to others but their own kind," I say when Siv says these animals don't talk to him much. These wild things seem proud. Although not here in cages I imagine... We get to the gate and I realize...a zoo would be a lot of iron...although I suppose metal cages are not used so much now but still, the big metal gate alone is enough for Siv so we go round back where a normal brick wall is. Then Siv tells me to get on his back and I raise my eyebrows. Showing so much emotion today, I am surprised at myself. "I know it's hard to see...but I do have some tiny bit of pride," I tell him. I mean I let people fuck me and use me but piggy back me over a wall? Really? I realize Siv didn't know what I meant when I said I liked parkour. Maybe it's time he learned. He could just as easily hoist me up but anyway. Haven't done this in a while. I run to the wall and then run a few steps up it till I can spring and catch the edge of the wall and pull myself up. I can feel my muscles protest. I haven't trained i a while, not counting running from cops and stuff. But I manage and I drop on the other side of the wall. We seem to actually be in some part of the maintenance area for the care takers behind a building that might be a pavillion or just a storehouse. We need to go round it to get to the animals. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "That is exactly what they are, imagine Comet but much bigger and with even more attitude than she has now." I smirk at my own words and chuckle quietly. I rise my eyebrow at his words and don't even have time to stop him before he's somehow already up the wall and over. I incline my head to the side in wonder and without waiting climb it my own way which is much different from his own since I am much more agile and also able to clime almost every surface. I am over the wall with one swift movement and my landing into the snow is without a sound. "Oh, great, we are as I thought. Let's proceed further, it's down the path and where the trees are." I tell him and take his hand to lead him with me and I start watching our surroundings with caution. Excitement is building up in me and I actually feel joy by being surrounded with so many animals. I greet the birds and we stop at a few cages where the ravens or hawks are, I like chatting with them. I also perform the spell once again on Kieran when we stop at a small resting area which is abandoned now. The kiss I am.giving him at the end though turns into much more heated one because I kind of forget myself and the magic overcomes me a bit more as well as desire for the boy in my arms. "I'm sorry..I got a bit carried away, how are you feeling?" I ask him when we part and cares his cheek worriedly. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro Before I can say anything, Siv stops and he performs the spell on me. He kisses me again at the end but this time, it's much more passionate. As usual I don't mind and return the kiss maybe a bit less automatically than usual. I hold onto him till he pulls away and apologizes, god knows why. "You can get carried away whenever you want," I shrug as the feeling I had before returns. I feel trapped and sick in this place. I am surprised Siv doesn't mind the animals in cages but he can't really see it the way I see it with my damn true sight. "I don't feel good here Siv...like..not at all," I answer him and I am on the verge of asking him if we can leave. I feel anxious and nauseous. I don't know, I've seen a lot of bad things in my life...way worse than this, without even blinking. But this just...I guess it hits a bit too close to home for me. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "What is it?? What's wrong?" I bring up his face and search in him what's wrong. But I don't see anything physical so it must be something else. I really hope I didn't mess up the spell on him. "Alright, do you want to leave?" I get hold of both of his hands and I'm already looking for the way we can get out of here. "Let's find a way out then. I'm really sorry, Keiran." I apologize to him and kiss his forehead again, worry written all over my face. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "No I am fine it's just...the cages I just...hate the cages," I tell him, I am not sure he will understand but I know he won't laugh at me for it. He asks if I wanna leave but he doesn't even wait for my answer and is looking for the fastest way out. We are not that far from the wall we came in over so it's not gonna be hard. "No it's my fault...sorry we went here for nothing. I guess I am just not gonna be a fan of zoos," I try to lighten the situation but I've never really done that so it's totally flat. "Let's just go home and forget this. We can make out or whatever you want," I shrug. I guess I want to make it up to him. I guess I really do like him enough to care at least a little... |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "No, I understand very well. I am sorry, I just got too carried away by the joy of just being able to see any animals...But you are right, let's find our way out." I nod and start walking back to where we came and somewhere there the wall we climbed. "No, it's not your fault at all. I should have thought about it before taki g you here, I just set my mind on the wolves and forgot about everything else. I shake my head and sigh. "I will think more next time before I do such impulsive moves." I press my lips together as I am pulling him back through the maze of cages and voillliers until we reach the wall again and this time I leave it up to him how he's goig to climb it. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "You couldn't have known. Look I know you wouldn't do anything I don't like intentionaly so just forget it k? We will just go home and just...do something else," I raise my eyebrows a bit and I hope he will let it go now. Just like before I wallrun climb the wall, this time perhaps with a bit more difficulty. I really should train more but...with the life I've been leading lately it's hard to think about physical activity like this, even if it's something I like. On the other side I wait for Siv and I can't wait to get away from here. Even just being close to the place makes me feel sick. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Alright, we will leave it and learn from it. Let's go home now." I nod at my own words and to confirm that I agree with him. Although I won't stop feeling guilty about it for quite some that is for sure. Keiran once again uses his way of climbing the wall and I watch him with worry because I can see him being weak and I'd much rather carry him over it but he has his pride about it. I follow him instantly with a few swift moves and I'm over the wall in seconds too. Then I grab his hand and we are quickly on our way from here. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro We go in and I am quite glad to be in the warmth and comfort of the flat. I guess I am becoming spoiled. I pet the cats and then sit down on the moss under a tree. "So...wanna do something?" I ask just cause I feel like I owe him that after this fiasco. It was dumb but I just couldn't help myself. Although I suppose I am a bit disappointed I couldn't talk to a wolf. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "What do you want to do? I feel like I should maybe listen more to what you want to do than force you into things..but I seriously feel like staying inside with you." I drop on my knee close to him, my hair pooling around me, gazing up at him with a bit of expectation and also affection. More of the latter though.. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "That's good cause I really am not going anywhere anymore," I tell him, making myself comfortable in the moss. "And there is nothing I wanna do," I shrug. I just know he probably wants to spend the time with me and I am fine with it. I don't feel sleepy yet even if it's getting late, because of our nap. And I am fine with whatever he wants to do, be it talking or making out or just nosthing. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Alright then..I am all up for staying just like this. I whisper into his ead and kiss he space under it before I sigh contently and smile stretches over my lips. I am not doing or saying anything else because I am alright just laying with him like this right now. I just press him closer and in the dark of our flat the only sounds are our breathig and the only light there is coming from the flying seesd of the tree above us. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Ok...good night then I guess," I mumble but I don't try to move. I am fine like this actually. I guess I am really starting to trust him. I am not sure it's a good thing but...there's little he could do that would hurt me anyway. I feel safe for now. So I close my eyes without any more worries. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Are you tired? I won't sleep for quite some time probably but you feel free to use me as your pillow. Am I comfortable?" A slight smirk appears on my lips because this question somehow sounds amusing to me but I am not sure if it's just me after all. I start planting little kisses along his hairline and on his cheek, continuing behind his ear. I don't want to disturb him too much if he wants to sleep but I can't really help all those little gestures of affection when I have him in my arms and so close to me. He just does these things to me and to my heart which I am sure he's able to hear very well. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Not so much. Why? You wanna do something?" I ask, because maybe he like wants to make out or wants me to do something...I don't really feel like fucking right now...well I pretty much never do unless the drug wakes me up, but if he wats that, I am fine with that too. I mean he is taking a real good care of me so he deserves that at least. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "While we talked about all the tales and stories I liked to read. One of them occurred to me and I just remembered it. It was one of my favorites, a legend in between our people.. I mean those who were not of any court, not priding themselves of belonging to any Queens or Kings. The free fair folk. They used to have this story about a heroine, a very strong fairy that won over hurt, deception and pain in the end. That was neither villain and neither entirely good one. I liked the hope that even if we make mistakes, even the really bad ones, we can always somehow find a way of mending them in the end." I am looking out of the window and caressing his hair in the process. It does come to my mind often when I think about it now, it was always a good story. I don't know if Kieran would like it but maybe even he could. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Not really," I shrug too. I am not easily bored. Then he starts talking about some story and I am not getting what he means and why bringing it up now but I am trying to understand. He said he did bad things as a knight but he is good otherwise so I guess that's what he means. "Yeah well why not...people can change and make amends and stuff. After all it's mainly about being at peace with yourself I guess," I shrug. Not sure if that's the right thing to say but it's what I think. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "But I wanted to ask you more if you want to hear that story..it's one of my favorites." I peer down at him to see his reaction and if he doesn't look too tired. "It's okay if you fall asleep during it, I don't mind." I smile down at him and kiss his temple. I want him to feel good and safe here with me and also for him to forget our horrible trip to the zoo. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro "Yeah sure, if you want," I say, failing to make it sound very interested, but then again, I always seem empty and apathic to everything, so it makes no difference I suppose. And though I might not be into his little fairytale, I don't mind at all listening to his voice while he's treating me like the most precious thing. Actually...it's the first time in my life I actualy feel inda comfortable in somebody's arms...it's like...his embrace is becoming so familiar...like...home. That word is coming to mind more and more often. It's what he's giving me I guess. And for that I owe him...I know I do. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro "Alright then..there was a land, of a free Fair Folk, who lived peacefully together. And amongst them was born a fairy, with big strong wings and beautiful horns. She was the strongest of them all and kind to the heart, her name was Maleficent." And as I talk there are appearing images in front of us, but made of twisted light and shadows.There is the land and some of the fairies as I remember them from when I heard it and saw it myself. Then I create the beautiful image of the fairy with big wings and ellegantly curved horns. And as I continue with the story more images and illusions are appearing in front of us out of the thin air. But I'm also checking if he's not fallen asleep, because I wouldn't want to disturb him. And when I finish the story I just let the last image of the silhouette linger in the air before it also scatters into the shadows. "And that was how I heard it when I was little. I wonder if it was ever true or if Maleficent ever lived or maybe still does. I don't know.." I shrug a little and look down at him, looking for the signs of his tiredness. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Kieran Gray pro I just half listen to the story as the images I see are much more interesting to me. It's like beeing on LSD for free. The colors and movement fascinate me more than Siv's words, but I listen to his voice as I find his tone calming. After all this is the push I needed to go to sleep. I hope he won't think that I am so bored, but it was just a nice way to calm down and be lluled to sleep. Like this, when he finishes his story, I am already half asleep in his arms. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro The hours are passing and with them my thoughts and wishes, memories long gone and those I wish to never forget. I'm holding Kieran in my arms safely and also thinking how did it become that I fell for a human this way. And I'm worried that it could be dangerous for him, maybe more than the poison he's using to cover up the reality. I wish also I could help him to be better, to cure himself.. I care for this little human and I don't want him to end his life so quickly and miserably. I wish to do at least one good thing in my life full of sins. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Fairy dust pro Hos cats are yet again curled up around him, one between the two of you. It's not cold in your home but thanks to them Kieran has even more warmth, nice furry blanket. Hopefully when he wakes up he will feel better too, for you surely do. |
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| soukromá zpráva od Sil Sivus Avus pro Kieran is still asleep and I know he needs it. His cats are around us and one of them sleeping between us. All of this has some kind of warm feeling and not only physically but as a whole, inside of me and also around us. It's hard to explain but I feel like this completes me, my loneliness and the need to have something complex in my life. That I am going somewhere and that the past won't haunt me forever. Maybe I can really find a place to live and create again, to build my own world just like here. And maybe too, Kieran would want to stay.. just like this and now, the way we are.. |
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 | Vymetáme pavouky! Vaše dobrodružství spadlo do kolonky "Už se dlouho nehrálo - odpad" a stalo se jedním z nich. Máte-li zájem pokračovat ve hraní nebo vyměnit vypravěče, napište mi to sem jako herní příspěvek. Můžete mi též napsat poštou. Pokud nic z toho neučiníte do dvou týdnů, tato jeskyně bude ukončena a vaše postavy si budou muset najít novou práci. Bimba PS: Používejte klasickou poštu, nikoliv herní - k té nemám přístup. |
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Dračí doupě, DrD a ALTAR jsou zapsané ochranné známky nakladatelství ALTAR