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Labyrinth - PrologueOblíbit

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Autor: Washeek

Sekce: Na pokračování

Publikováno: 19. března 2009 20:51

Průměrné hodnocení: 8, hodnotilo 4 uživatelů [detaily]

 
Od té doby, co sem na Andor přibyla má "Černá smrt" jsem v podstatě netvořil. Nejdříve mě zdrtilo to, že jsem nezaznamenal téměř žádný ohlas, ať už negativní, nebo pozitivní. (Ještě jednou zde chci poděkovat našim Gráciím, které si se mnou daly práci.) Poté se vyrojila spousta jiných starostí a přestup na školu a najednou na psaní nebyl čas ani nálada. Na delší dobu jsem opustil spisovatelské nálady.
Nakonec se vše vrátilo jednoho obyčejného večera, při obyčejné rutinní cestě z Plzně do Prahy. Věřte nebo ne, ale na začátku všeho stálo tentokráte účetnictví. Historka o tom, jak z toho vzniklo "toto" by byla zdlouhavá a únavná, takže si raději lamte hlavu a nechme to zahaleno tajemstvím.

K samotné povídce:
Jedná se o takový úvod k plánované minisérii, která mi tak nějak vykvétá v hlavě. Chtěl jsem se poučit z toho, že osm stránek textu je na Andor najednou zbytečně moc . Zatím to nemá moc myšlenek, bylo to původně jen oddechové, ale na druhou stranu tento krátký úryvek srší akcí.
Zkusil jsem tentokráte taky použít svoje zázemí a sepsat to v Angličtině, takže těm, kterým tady tahle vcelku příjemná řeč chybí mám dobrou zprávu. Pro vás ostatní budou mít zprávu ti, kteří anglicky mluví, jsem připravený poskytnout překlad, pokud tomu budou anglicky hovořící čtenáři nakloněni...
And now I quit my ramblings and wish you all some quality reading time...
 


It waited.

It was used to waiting. This time though, it was waiting for something exclusive. It was waiting for me. And I was just lying there, behind the corner, leaning my back against the wall, my arm bleeding. Damn I hate it when I bleed, it gives me this funny feeling running down my spine. I totally daze out sometimes, excited by the small trickle of red. Gods, I hate it when I bleed and can not let myself study the sensation. That is why I hate battlefields like this one.

It waited, I bled.

How long have I been here? I ask myself. The answer is unclear, the last time I had seen sunrise was like an age ago or it could have been a few hours. Time has no meaning in the Labyrinth, only ones sanity, fear and exhaustion. Oh and of course prowess. Right, I fell asleep quite a few times. Do not know how long I slept, but it could not have been long, because I had been feeling tired since I entered. So was she. Why did she have to go with me? I will never know. Perhaps she really had feelings for one such as myself. If she just stopped playing all big and bad ass, but that was not likely, that would not have been her.

It waited, I bled, she was dying.

I turned my head. The fascination of my injury had partly subsided. She was totally wrecked. I never knew you could really beat one of our kind that hard. She was lying there, naked, her body all twisted, part of the skin peeled, part burned, part still turned into metallic scales. Her eyes were staring right out of her face and her breath was surprisingly deep.
So that is how we die.
That is the time of passing.
She was not suffering at the moment, but very soon she was going to pass through the painful process of death and rebirth and then she would wait within the gate for another summoning. That is how things work in the Labyrinth, she would have to reach the next portal some other day, this time I was going alone. I stared at her for a couple more moments, before shutting out my consciousness. I awoke to the sound of the shriek she produced at the exact time of her death.
Good girl, she gave me a chance, bought me time.

She died, I awoke, it was waiting no more.

I got up. My mind was focused. I felt the enemy. It stirred. I risked a small blink at the remains of hers. They were already crystallizing. A light smile passed my face.
“Take heed from what happened to you today.”
I sent the thought towards her leaving soul and moved onward. The enemy was also moving.
Estimated contact? Few seconds.
I was never good at this counting and all. The bleeding was not stopping. Good. It was going to be an usable distraction.
You need every advantage you can get if your enemy has three pairs of legs, roughly sixty eyes, a poisonous bite, a venomous sting and a pair of wings to top it off. Its brain cluster is not really meant for thinking, but perfectly suited for controlling such a body and its nerve system has got about three times higher transfer speed than yours. These creatures were the perfect weapons, but so were we. For we had things they lacked. Things that made us more cunning and dangerous than these things could ever hope to be. We had our immortal souls, we had a goal and we had our will. Well some of us had.

We closed in on each other, we fought.

Finally I got the thing in my view. It was ugly, it lacked true warrior form, it was a thing, an ugly thing at that. I focused somewhat and transmuted my arm into a blade, the bleeding one it was. It was not too costly. Covering my body with scales and an exoskeletal armor took much more and the fun part came when that thing first hit me. It was not my fault. I just did not have the reflex speed to be changing and guarding at the same time. Thanks to my luck the process ended just before it landed the blow or I would have been dead in the next few seconds. This way I only felt something trying the integrity of my armor and then the sensation of flying, when the force of the blow hurled me some ten meters. The enemy followed. It could not count in the conditions, could not understand the transmutation process. For it, I was just a simple prey, not posing any danger.
While still in midair I regained my balance and fended of the biting fangs with my blade. The creature tasted the blood on my blade-arm and went into a hungry rage. It wanted to stab me and gulp me down. How simple. I grabbed the one sharp ended leg that went into my chest through the armor just as it pinched me down on the rocks back on the ground. Strangely I did not really feel any pain when I landed flat backed, but the unsuspected hit I suffered from the rocks to the back of my head made me a little dizzy. Still, I did not really have time to nap because that beasts limb quickly started to transfer me back through the air and into its biting jaws. I saw a serious injury coming out of this, thinking to myself about getting chopped to halves by those.
Twisting on the thing that is protruding from your back, coming in through your chest is not exactly comfortable, but I managed not to unnecessarily lose energy by crying or sighing. Somehow I pit my feet against the beast jaws ends. I had to act quickly so I grabbed one of its antennae before cutting clean the stabbing leg in my body. To pull myself onto the top of its head while the beast was dancing madly and with half of my chest muscles unusable, was probably the most amazing feat of that encounter. Holding on to it after I started stabbing its head was a childs play in comparison. It took quite a few blows before it started to slow down a little. If I had hit the nerve center in its back the outcome would have been much quicker. A sad thing I could not get there because of the wind push back force created by the wings. This way I had to continue holding on for another thirty minutes of rodeo riding before it bled almost dry.

It was dead, I tired.

I found myself lying in a puddle of icky blood that was still pouring out of that hideous body. This amount is going to feed me for the journey ahead. It is still going to take me about eighty kilometers of walking through the tunnel maze before reaching the fourth portal. Good that there were all sorts of light sources. That way, most of the parasites were kept at bay, but gods know how long it will last. I took a short nap, fed myself what I could out of the beasts body and set off. No time to stop and think, no time to feel, just the journey.
I think I will wait for that girl behind the portal though. I kinda like her all talk no game attitude.
Yep, I think I will.
 

Komentáře, názory, hodnocení

Washeek - 15. dubna 2009 19:09
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Tak moc díky... Nečekal jsem, že se hodnotit bude tak vysoko koneckonců je to jen plitká akce... Světlo světa brzy spatří první kapitola, ale zatím jsem trošku uvíznul, což se dalo čekat, nebojte se, všechno bude.

Vzhledem k dobrým ohlasům zkusím stvořit v nejbližší doběě českou verzi, obávám se, že anglického originálu místy nedosáhne...

Díky Psychopovi za práci s apostrofy... je to k vzteku a je potřeba to nějak vyřešit, než sem hodím další část... :-(

Díky taky sítě, že upozornila na ty kilometry (i když jsem si jistý, že kdybys to neudělala, spousta čtenářů by z toho měla lepší dojem než má teď :-D )Ale do příště se polepším...
 
kalinci - 15. dubna 2009 18:31
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Sitha - 15.Dubna 2009 16:13

Nebylo to tak strašné. Občas tam nebylo něco vyčasované, ale když jsem to četl po 4 tak to bylo už celkem v pohodě a dalo se tomu bez problémů rozumět.
 
Sitha - 15. dubna 2009 16:13
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kalinci - 15.Dubna 2009 13:34
V pohodě :-) Jen vážně, translatory produkují úděsné texty, jak v angličtině tak v češtině. Svým způsobem obdivuji, že jsi byl schopný si z té povídky po takovém... zákroku něco užít ;-)
 
kalinci - 15. dubna 2009 13:34
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psychop - 14.Dubna 2009 14:26
Sitha - 15.Dubna 2009 01:56

Anglicky tedy neumím ani pípnout a taky jsem se divil jak mi to ten Google přeložil. Anglicky jsem se nikdy neučil, spíš tedy němčinu, která ze mě také leze horko těžko. Ale to co jsem chtěl napsat do komentáře, napíšu teď česky, jen doufám, že vám to nebude vadit...:o)))

Líbí se mi to, já osobně si myslím, že to mělo jak hlavu tak patu. Také mě to poměrně vtáhlo do děje, který si vytvořil. Opravdu to bylo hezký, ale nevím proč, asi nikdy v ničem nehledám kritiku, jen by se mi to příště lépe četlo v češtině.

Jackie Decker - 15.Dubna 2009 11:18

Ono to stačí jen celé zkopírovat a vložit to tam, nastavit jazyk a zmáčknout Translade. Chvilka čekání a na pravé straně se ukáže český text a na levé anglický.
 
Jackie Decker - 15. dubna 2009 11:18
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kalinci - 14.Dubna 2009 14:11

Tak nic... Nehodlám číst povídku po jedné větě nebo dokonce po slovech, to bych z toho nic neměla, ale díyk za snahu... Zvědavost bude muset utoupit... Promiň Washeeku...
 
PsychoP - 15. dubna 2009 10:34
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Sitha - 15.Dubna 2009 01:56
They were missing because I deleted them. Andor scripts connected with articles just don't allow apostrophes. So I had to manualy delete every single one and replace it with longer version of that exact sentence or part of sentence.

Only places where I had no other choice but to simply delete it was connected with possesive pronouns.

It's pitty, but it just works this way.
 
Sitha - 15. dubna 2009 01:56
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psychop - 14.Dubna 2009 09:00
I've got this feeling that there were some apostrophs missing in the text - one or two - but this could be just me being blind :-D But mainly I referred to the part about using incorrect phrazes :-)

kalinci - 14.Dubna 2009 14:11
Oh, this is just soo wrong... really. I beg you, don't ever do this again for the sake of us all. It's literally hurting me, physically.
 
Gabriel_reaper - 14. dubna 2009 21:39
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Nice work.
Psychop already pointed that some phrases are quite... baad, and some even more than quite, but for czech dude? Great work.
Atta boy...
 
PsychoP - 14. dubna 2009 14:26
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kalinci - 14.Dubna 2009 14:11
This hurts. Please, don't do it again. Never ever again...
 
kalinci - 14. dubna 2009 14:11
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Jackie Decker - 13.Dubna 2009 22:12

odkaz Můžeš si to přeložit zde, tedy alespoň to tak dělám já.

I personally like it is, therefore, to the English that I had to translate on Google, since it can not even Canadian English word. I think I pretty well dedicated to the plot. Otherwise, you like to read more of your work. Otherwise, I give you a rating on the 8th : o)))
 
PsychoP - 14. dubna 2009 09:00
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Sitha - 13.Dubna 2009 23:46
No... I just pointed out things that were "corrected" due to inner andor scripts which don't allow using things like single apostroph. You can write them in comment like this: '

But they must not be in poems, stories and such.
 
Laakii - 13. dubna 2009 23:53
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I don't understand :-(
 
Sitha - 13. dubna 2009 23:46
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I liked it :-) I admitt that I'm more... benevolent when it comes to an English text. I tend to forgive mistakes that I wouldn't forgive in Czech (and psychop has already pointed some of them out) :-) But I like this one a lot and I'm looking forward to next chapter.

(Just one thing. In the last paragraph you have "kilometers" and - this is very IMO - I just don't like it there O:-) In English text I'm used to "miles" or "feets" and though this is Czech server and you're normally Czech writer it doesn't fit in there, for me... Yeah, well... This last note you can probably ignore, I am pretty sure I'm the only one who finds it disturbing ;-))
 
Jackie Decker - 13. dubna 2009 22:12
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Mohla bych poprosit o ten překlad? Já jaksi anglicky moc nepremávám...
 
PsychoP - 13. dubna 2009 21:48
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Nothing special, some phrases were used incorrectly, or at least tore my eyes apart.

Apostrophes were swapped for regular longer expressions on places where it was possible and simply erased on places where they should be, but andor scripts just don't allow it.

Looking forward to next episode.
 
Dante z Maritu - 13. dubna 2009 21:28
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Nemám sílu na to psát anglicky, ale mohu říci to, že se mi tvá povídka opravdu velmi líbila...jsem zvědav s čím přijdeš příště.;)
 
 
 
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